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First, let me point out that most comedy commercials do not succeed for the radio advertiser.

Some succeed on a creative level — that is, they’re funny.

But the goal of a humorous commercial should not be to make the listener laugh. It should be to cause the targeted listener to act on the sales message.

The most commonly cited reason for the value of comedy commercials is, “We get their attention by making them laugh, and then we can try to sell them something.”

Wrong.

A second reason — and I’m quoting one of the principals in a company that specializes in funny radio commercials (not my friend Dick Orkin) — is that “if your commercial is funny, then it will stand out from all the other commercials that surround it.”

That statement would be true if yours were the only humorous spot on the air.

But these days most commercials do try to be funny.

So let’s examine the logic:

Your commercial likely will be surrounded by other commercials that attempt to be funny. So yours will “stand out” by…attempting to be funny?

The Real Reason Comedy Commercials Succeed

You already know the average consumer is overloaded with commercial messages. The most commonly quoted figure is 3,000 attempts every day to sell that person something.

We can’t possibly process all those messages. So we automatically filter them, with most never reaching our consciousness and most of the ones that do reach our consciousness immediately being rejected.

In other words, we go through life with our defenses up, guarding us against unwanted intrusion.

Now, picture yourself walking late at night down a dimly lit, deserted city street in a strange, unsavory neighborhood.

You’d be easy prey for a violent criminal.

But you try to lessen your vulnerability by walking briskly, minimizing the amount of time you’ll be alone on that street.

And you adopt a physical attitude that you hope looks so self-assured, even menacing, that it will deter any ne’er-do-well from messing with you.

Maybe you’re clutching a can of pepper spray for self-protection.

In other words, you’ve got your defenses up. You’re a hair’s breadth from your body’s “fight or flight” response.

Now….

Imagine that as you’re walking along that street, suddenly you remember the funniest moment you’ve ever experienced.

As you recall it, you begin to laugh.

You’re overcome with laughter. Sides shaking, bent over, laughing.

The common is phrase is, “Helpless with laughter.”

At the moment, where are your defenses?

Gone.

You’re completely vulnerable.

You can’t fight or flee.

The surest, safest way for a mugger to incapacitate a victim would be to make that person hysterical with laughter.

Fortunately, relatively few muggers read this blog. Otherwise we’d have to enact strict new “Tell A Joke, Go To Jail” laws.

Back to radio commercials….

When an advertisement comes on the radio, the listener’s guard is up. Even though my saying this will offend a few radio sales chauvinists, people do not turn on the radio for the commercials.

Your favorite song is playing on the radio and you give it your full attention, bonding to it once again, probably joining in either vocally or subvocally.

But when the commercials begin, the protective filters take over. You do not react, “Oh, a commercial! Perhaps it contains valuable, unbiased information which will improve my quality of life!”

If the commercial makes you laugh, however, then while you’re laughing your guard is down. Your filter is in the “pause” mode.

So….Does this mean I advocate “making people laugh and then trying to sell them something”?

No. (That’s how most advertisers try to do it. It’s a foolish tactic.)

Instead, I teach professionals to “sell people something while you’re making them laugh.”

How do you do that?

By weaving the comedy and the sales message together.

By creating your spot so that you can’t separate the comedy from the sales message.

By making it so if the listeners remember the “funny part,” they also automatically remember the sales message.

Unfortunately, most attempted comedy commercials consist of two separate, distinct parts: the comedy and the sales message.

(to be continued…)

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ANOTHER RADIO IDEA TO STEAL (If You Like It)

morning radio ideas

In my in-station workshops, I teach a foolproof system for developing a virtually limitless supply of new ideas for radio features, promotions, branding, etc

I call the process Designing Your Station’s Unique Listening Proposition.

Here’s one of many ideas created by the morning show at Miami’s LITE FM during an in-station workshop a few years ago

Often they turn to their audience for help in understanding some topical issue or providing needed info.

They decided that each morning they’ll compile a list of the “Bright Lights of the Day” (the listeners who called in to help), thank those people in the show’s “closing credits,” and put the daily list up on the station’s website and/or Facebook page.

Note: What a great way to integrate your listeners into your program and to help make them the stars…as well as to encourage them (and their friends) to visit the station website or page more often.

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2011: HIGHLIGHTS OF THE ONE BLOG I ALWAYS READ

Today is the day commemorated throughout the world: the first day of my fourth full calendar year of blogging.

For the millions of people gathered in living rooms, churches and pubs to good-naturedly argue about which of my blog postings is their favorite, here’s a quick review of the Best Of The Best from 2011, to refresh their memories.

A bunch of people, including me, answered the question, “Would You Ever Return To A Radio Job?”

A tribute (including video) to Avery Schreiber, Improvisational Genius

I smacked down a radio commercial played in Chicago and in Milwaukee that is both terrible…and illegal.

I attacked Radio Managers Who Steal.

(video) The Unbelievable History of Radio DJs

(video) The Client Who Voices His Own Radio Commercials

When Does “Station Imaging” Become “Lying”?

(video) How To Use Music In Radio Commercials

(video) Radio Personality & Radio Production Pro Nightmare

The Foolish Fallacy of Radio Advertising’s “Immediacy”

Yes, I Do Have A Foolproof Method of Getting Radio Salespeople To Turn In Their Copy Copy Orders On Time

(video) The Lost Don LaFontaine Voice Over Video

(video) When The Client Directs The Voice Over Session

Major Market News Dumbness

When A Radio Station Keeps 71% of Its Promise

The Second Dumbest Thing I’ve Ever Heard In Radio

Finalist, Worst Radio Sales Promo Break Ever

(video) One of The Greatest Public Service Announcement Spots Ever

Dr. Don Rose – When Radio Had A Soul

(video) A Video For All Radio Morning Show Hosts

(video) The Joys of Radio Commercial Production

(video) Brilliant Example of Advertising With Stories

The Aircheck That Woke Me Up To What COULD Be Done As A Radio Personality

Why Radio Stations Should NOT Give Away Cash Contest Prizes

JOHN FROST RADIO IMAGING: Sex Addicts Anonymous

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A BRIEF, INCOMPLETE HISTORY OF RADIO

This is the most popular thing I’ve ever written. Reprinting it is this blog’s New Year’s Eve tradition.

Hope you enjoy it — complete with the original illustrations by Bobby Ocean.

A Reader Asks:

“Following your advice, we’ve looked for and actually hired part-timers from several unusual places. (One was a waiter our GM had while trying to pitch a potential client, another a door-to-door salesman who came into the station lobby.) But when they get on the air, they seem to clam up and become much more boring than they were before we hired them. When training ‘newly discovered’ part-timers, what are the most important things to start with?”

My Reply:

TELL THEM STORIES…

…about how & why you got into radio, who influenced you, your best radio moments, what you still hope to achieve.

War stories about broadcasting despite impossible conditions, accidentally locking yourself out of the studio, on-air flubs.

Stories about personal connections that have been made with listeners: The girl who called to request her late grandmother’s favorite song…The fan who sent you chocolate chip cookies on your birthday…The listener who berated you for mispronouncing the name of his favorite artist.

radio DJ graphicStories about transistor radios under the bed covers and at the beach. Endless struggles to control the car radio buttons.

“Would you PLEASE turn that down”

and

“Wait, I want to hear this!”

Novelty records and girl groups and Motown and Stax and Cadence and Elvis from the waist up and hearing “I Want To Hold Your Hand” for the very first time.

Stories about lovesick teenagers dedicating songs back & forth to each other. About children turning on the radio before they’re even awake, feverishly hoping to hear those magic words from their local disc jockey: “No school, snow day….”

About loneliness and a solitary voice reaching out to you. About making a complete stranger laugh or reflect or remember. About baseball games from far away on car radios. About someone driving across town or across country, with only you and your radio brethren for company.

radio DJ graphic

Stories about Larry Lujack and John Records Landecker and Robert W. and Wolfman Jack and Gary Owens and Dr. Don and Kenny Everett (ask someone from the UK about Kenny) and those crazy young jocks who brought American-style radio to Europe in the 1960s by taking to the seas in honest-to-God pirate radio ships (imagine broadcasting under the worst possible conditions; now imagine doing it while seasick).

Stories about bad news and everyone immediately turning on the radio. About sad news and where you were when you heard it. About practical jokes and misunderstandings and mild or wild revenge.

About getting fired, packing up the U-Haul, and being scared all over again.

Getting angry, getting older and “the good old days.”

Static-y voices criss-crossing in the night. Fifteen-hour air shifts, flaky jocks, disappearing engineers.

radio DJ graphic

Stories about legendary radio people you almost met in an elevator at a convention. The major market PD who did you a favor; the request line caller you can’t forget. Practical jokes on the news guy, disappearing stationery, and a bedroom full of promo records that one day will be worth something.

Staying up late talking radio, swapping tapes, “borrowing” ideas, “embellishing” your ratings, deepening your voice, losing your voice, losing your place, losing your keys, losing your cool.

Wire service copy paper, 15-inch reels, pin-controlled automation. Caffeine addictions and junk food and whatever the station could trade for. Old friends, borrowed headphones, uncontrollable sleep-deprived laughter.

radio DJ graphicRazor blades, splicing tape, grease pencils. Draping the tape edit over your shoulders until it was safe to throw away.

Cue tones, cue sheets, in cue, out of breath.

radio DJ graphicSlip-cueing, back-announcing, and hitting the post.

Egos, rivals, and friendships.

Imagination, excitement, Orson Welles and Jack Benny and Ma Perkins and Franklin D. Roosevelt and Arthur Godfrey and Don McNeil’s Breakfast Club.

Losing jobs, gaining weight, changing names.

“How do they do that?”

and

“Listen to this!”

Storz, McClendon, Drake…and Chuck Blore’s Color Radio. Play-by-play and blow-by-blow; sports scores and election returns and Number One on the charts this week.

7-7-7, First Ticket, Hooper, Pulse.

“You don’t look anything like you sound!”

“What am I doing with my life?”

and

7-day workweeks

and

“I can’t believe I get paid for this!”

Slow starting turntables, nickel on the tone-arm, the cart machine sticks.

Stories about hotlines, hot shots, skimmers, phantom cume, time checks, time warping, ratings, feelings, winning, showing off. T-shirts and coffee mugs and iridescent frisbees.

Billboard and Claude Hall and Cashbox and Record World and R&R and Bill Gavin’s green pages.

Floods and tornado watches and power outages and school lunch menus. Lost dogs, lost accounts, lost tempers.

Jiving, shouting, rhyming, whispering. Hiccup remedies, lemon ’n’ honey, and good old-fashioned adrenalin to save the day.

Embarrassed, elated, delighted. Hi-Low, Name It And Claim It, and Dollar-A-Holler. Playlists and station surveys and Good Guys. Q, Zoo, and Boss. Bob & Ray and Mike & Elaine and The Monitor Beacon.

Jingles, stickers, Chickenman and The Oidar Wavelength.

Silly stunts, intense rivalries…Passion.

B-Sides and label colors and songwriter credits. Favorite songs, favorite artists, favorite moments.

Newspaper wars, live remotes, and meter readings. Shouts, stingers, sweepers, stagers, stabs.

Make-goods, live tags, rip ’n’ read and backtiming to the news. Allan Freed and Dan Ingram and Cousin Brucie.

radio DJ graphic

Beat the Bomb and Lucky Bucks and Battle of the Bands. Pinning the needle, pegging the meter, riding gain.

Feedback and wrapping the capstan and “Hold on a sec, I gotta go on the air…”

Sign on, sign off, warming up the filament and Compression, Compression, Compression!

Gates board with rotary pots; Automax and Volumemax. Intros, outros, ramps, talk-ups. False endings and records popping & skipping and carts jamming.

Philosophical Differences and late night resume photocopy sessions. Tight board, good pipes, will relocate.

The big break, bad luck, skip waves, skipping town with the air staff’s paychecks.

Cueing past the splice, heavy phones, cue burn. Solid Gold, Hot Nine at Nine, Hot 100. WABC and KHJ and KLIF and WOWO and WLS and making it to the big markets.

Friday night countdowns, Saturday Swap Shops, Sunday drag racing commercials, twin spins, doubleplays, triple shots and instant replays.

Romantic entanglements, broken hearts, big dreams, small wins, and “Garbage Mouth Leaves Cleveland.”

“NO ONE is to touch these carts! And that means YOU!”

“Were you listening when…?”

and

“What’d ya think?”

and

“You should have been there.”

Then explain to that new jock:

Now you are there.

What are you gonna do with it?

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HOW TO WRITE A HIT LOVE BALLAD

This is one of the most incredible things I’ve ever heard: the perfect blueprint for writing the kind of pop love ballad that radio stations love to play.

It’s the creation of Da Vinci’s Notebook.

While Axis of Awesome’s “Four Chord Song” is a great idea, brilliantly executed…

This is, in the words of a friend, “Absolutely bloody perfect.”

radio programming graphic

Thanks to Paul and Storm for giving me permission to share this with you.

My favorite moment is at 3:31, on the word “modulation.”

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