DAN O’DAY TALKS ABOUT RADIO

Here are five more translations of what radio people really mean.

“How was your weekend?” — Prefix to a Monday morning request for help, urgently needed due to intense procrastination on the part of the person doing the asking.

Listener — One who stops by to pick up a prize that is nowhere to be found and about which no one knows anything.

No Charge Spot — A radio commercial heard by no one, as compensation for its having been heard by no one earlier.

Payday — A momentary biweekly illusion that one is not financially doomed.

Parade — Something in which one would dearly love to drive the station vehicle, if only one’s spouse had not already made plans that cannot be changed, much to one’s regret.

This is why Harlan Hogan teaches his Starting Your Voiceover Business class only once a year:

Because he doesn’t make his living teaching voice acting. He makes his living by delivering the kind of performance in this video.

Before You Watch The Video

1.  Turn up your speakers before watching, so you don’t miss the opening line

2.  It’s 2 minutes long. Trust Me: Watch the entire video.

3.  Afterward, in your comments, please don’t reveal…Well, you’ll know what I’m talking about.

Want to be mentored in your VO career by the very best? Sign up here.

Here’s how most radio program directors critique a show:

“Sounds good, lots of energy. You stepped on the vocal here…. There was some dead air here and here…..You forgot to read the liner card after the :05 stopset, and you’re not saying the call letters enough. Other than that, keep up the good work.”

Anyone can give a radio aircheck critique like that; a high school kid can count the number of call letter mentions or take out a stopwatch to see how long the air talent talks in a given break.

None of that helps the jock improve as a performer.

Many PDs don’t give more detailed and more frequent feedback because they don’t want to criticize their jocks…because they don’t want to hurt their feelings.

The first radio seminar I ever conducted was for a large group owner.

Part of the weekend was set aside for group critiques of the jocks in attendance.

Because I was new at conducting seminars, I hadn’t yet learned how to coax a group of people into giving candid critiques…

…so everyone was very polite when critiquing, because they didn’t want to hurt anyone else’s feelings.

But there was one morning jock — his name was Mike — about whose aircheck everyone decided to give honest feedback.

I don’t know why his was singled out for such treatment; it certainly wasn’t the worst we had heard.

But one person offered a criticism, and someone else threw in another, and someone else chimed in with yet another criticism.

It was brutal.

We tore that aircheck apart.

And everyone (including me) felt sorry for Mike.

At the end of the seminar, Mike came up to me and said, “Of all the people here, I think I got the most out of this weekend. It’s the first time I’ve ever gotten honest feedback on my show.”

It was a big lesson for me.

Ever since then, when giving feedback I try to be diplomatic, to be kind. But even more importantly, to be honest — even if it hurts.

A radio commercial that begins this way almost always is the result of incompetent copywriting.

“________ is almost here!”

That’s a weak opening line even when the product or service being advertised is related to the thing that’s “almost here.”

In this case, however, there’s no connection between the cliched beginning and the product:

“Labor Day is almost here. And Living Spaces is your destination for amazing bedroom deals.”

Huh?

Is there a cultural tradition of shopping for bedroom furniture on Labor Day?

It’s idiotic. Why not…

“The new school year is almost here. And Living Spaces is your destination for amazing bedroom deals.”

“Arbor Day is almost here. And Living Spaces is your destination for amazing bedroom deals.”

“St. Swithins Day is almost here. And Living Spaces is your destination for amazing bedroom deals.“

Yes, at the end of the spot they say that the sale ends on Labor Day. But that’s not what the commercial is about. They don’t even declare it a “Labor Day Sale.” There’s no connection between the Labor Day mention in the opening line and the Labor Day deadline that’s dropped at the end.

Let”s eavesdrop on the creative meeting responsible this idiocy.

“We want as few radio listeners as possible to hear this commercial. Anyone have any ideas?”

“Let’s start by telling people that Labor Day is almost here.”

“What does that have to do with our sale?”

“Nothing at all.”

“Genius! We’ll lose 99% of the audience from our very first words.”

“Then let’s have the announcer rattle off a bunch of gibberish, to drive away the remaining 1%.”

“I love it! I’m going to give all of us a big raise.”

“And then we could…No, maybe that’s overkill…”

“What is it? Speak up!”

“Well, we’re going to have the announcer speak over some inane, pointless music, right?”

“Of course. We are professionals.”

“Let’s make it a vocal jingle, so that throughout the entire radio commercial the voice over person has to struggle to be heard over the singing.”

“You, sir, are going to go far in this business.”

“Oh, pshaw.”

“By the way, Guy Fawkes Day is almost here. Let’s go out to a very expensive lunch and charge it to our client…whoever they are.”