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ENTRIES #20, 21, 22: Make A Better "Target" Radio Commercial Contest

Three more hopeful entries in our “Can You Write Better Than This Junk” contest…

Jonathan Lumley says:

“I thought I’d try selling the sale with some pictures. I know full well that a client like this wouldn’t ‘buy’ into that concept no matter how well I sold it to them, it would have to start with ‘them’ and the discount, we have the same clients in South Africa. But I thought I’d try combining nature with the sale, as an angle. And my apologies to all producers, for the crudity of my editing and processing, oh and the lack of effects and music. No time (as per usual) It’s about the script isn’t??”

Jonathan Lumley:

Susan Wright wisely kisses up to the judge by saying:

“Thanks for the challenge!”

Susan Wright:

Adam Garey explains:

“I wanted something not real normal. Something that doesn’t sound over contrived. I may get slammed — I see I missed some avenues. Part of the learning process…Thanks for the comments and thanks to Dan.”

Adam Garey:

Readers? You have some input for these three hopeful contestants?

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  • adamg March 18, 2009, 12:27 am

    John ..I cannot hear your spot yet cause of my dial up but I have to get my notes..more later when my digiwatzits eaze up

  • Sharon Matthews McGonnell March 18, 2009, 6:55 am

    Susan’s was the best to me. Maybe because of “the vase for the flowers he’ll bring you”

    She was smart – she appealled to my innermost girl. lol

  • not adamg March 18, 2009, 11:02 am

    Susaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan! Your contribution was straight forward and personalized for today…111

    Jonathan ..I like wonder if the Tree Details were in the target store or in the wilderness..maybe some birdfx?”wonderful knottiness”

    I think I too attempted to expand the Meduim with Visuals…

    Thanks Dan

  • adam g March 18, 2009, 11:08 am

    Susan-A practical..fill up your house and Target can provide what you need because their sale is too good to pass up…again nice Susan…name dropping works..dilan and flowers he is going to bring home…I do not have a innermost girl -whew but if I did..well I need a tissue..NICE

    The Dog was too upstaging

    would Target go for these spots? Point is would they get feets and heads turning I think…

  • Jonathan Lumley March 20, 2009, 1:46 pm

    I like Susan’s – Quite cool, looking at an empty space and filling it with Target items. Quite neat.
    Adam – Yours was difficult to place in the first listen, I wasn’t sure where I was and then realized on the 3rd listen.

    Jonathan – well what can I say….

  • adamg March 21, 2009, 2:44 am

    Jonathan your spot is too cerebral…man so much thought…The tree and its details I am focusing…that is good you got me thinking..but then ^whip^ to Target…ouch I pulled my neck…dude..

    Your spot is with thought and you are great in saying not reading..just grab me with Targets stuff not The Tree…now maybe you are Brilliant and try and pull me in with The Tree..but the whipping hurts my brain…maybe this spot is intended for Classical Music Formats…

    Susan! Hey nice creative memory makers..personalizing cool…wright-on…

    uh…just as maybe all three too busy…this commercial are gonna play in a stack of commercials if it is on radio…and I need to hear a difference -not be overwhelmed with info..ADAM OVERLOAD IN PROGRESS.

    I like that you SAY it not Read it…nice work Jonathan and Susan… keep up the passion! ad

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