XM’s Phlash Phleps recorded these between 1987 and 1989. Starting from the top of the U.S. Eastern Seaboard and working his way South.
Submitted for your enjoyment (if you happen to be a real “radio guy” — and that term applies to men and women equally).
You’re hearing this first: A live teleseminar (i.e., big conference call where I do most of the talking) in which I’ll be teaching HOW TO GET PAST THE GATEKEEPER: Advanced Strategies for Sales Professionals.
When? Thursday, October 14
Where? Your nearest telephone
Although this will be invaluable to anyone who needs to reach certain people on the phone, if your employer holds sales meetings then this should be your company’s sales meeting for October 14. (Put it on the speaker phone and everyone can participate.)
September, 1993 (continued from our last exciting episode):
Klaas Pieter Rieksen from Radio Utrecht picked me up at the airport in Amsterdam on Sunday and drove me in the rain to Zeist, outside of Utrecht. There I was checked into the Oud London Hotel (below), a very pretty, modern “4-Star Hotel.”
After unpacking, I went for a walk and discovered only woods and greenery. So, I assumed, Utrecht must be a rustic, bucolic community. Only on my last day, when Klaas Pieter took me downtown for some gift shopping, did I learn that Utrecht actually is a very wealthy suburb.
I can’t say my initial 16 hours in Holland were very encouraging. While unpacking my suitcase, a zipper broke. This was the zipper keeping the “garment bag” portion closed, and I couldn’t imagine continuing on my trip with it flopping open.
“No problem,” I thought. I’ll do what a sophisticated world traveler is supposed to do: turn the problem over to my “4-Star Hotel” and say, “Handle this, please.”
This was late Sunday afternoon. At that time, my plans called for me to move to Amsterdam on Tuesday (this later was changed, and I spent all of my nights at the Oud London Hotel), so I needed the suitcase fixed by late Tuesday afternoon.
I did not know, however, that in Utrecht the shops don’t open until Monday afternoon….which, they said, definitely didn’t leave enough time for an emergency repair. (There was some disagreement among the hotel staff as to whether it could be repaired in Utrecht at all.)
Maybe that was on my mind the next morning, as I prepared to leave for my very first Dutch radio seminar. Reaching down for a box of materials, I felt a sadly familiar “pop” in my back, and suddenly I was hunched over in great pain. Yep, my back went out. (Or, as they say in Holland, “I went through my back.”)
The bad back stayed with me for several days. That first day, especially, probably had seminar attendees thinking I was doing an impression of Groucho Marx.
The suitcase problem was solved, however, by the determination of Klaas Pieter — who was infuriated by the suggestion that it couldn’t be fixed in time for my move — and by a nice Radio Utrecht employee named Litsa, who improvised a repair that has held firm ever since.
In all of their literature — and even on a big sign in front of their building — the Oud London Hotel boasts of being a “4-Star Hotel.” Hmmm. I didn’t know Michelin rates hotels in Holland. Finally I asked a hotel employee, “Who gave you guys the four stars?”
“We did,” he proudly replied.
Although the sleeping rooms were not luxurious by any means, the hotel probably deserves its four stars on the basis of its homey pub and its terrific French restaurant.
On Sunday night I shared a very nice, long, funny dinner with Klaas Pieter, Ben Groenendijk, and Rob Bakker, publisher of Broadcast Magazine and my host at the Dutch Broadcast Congress. (I still think, however, his most impressive career achievement was publishing the Dutch edition of MAD magazine.)
My session with the Dutch journalism students (I conducted four days of seminars in Holland) was the most confrontational of the entire trip — the only one featuring serious arguing. I naively thought these Dutch college students would be quiet, polite and respectful — Hah! They’re just as obnoxious as their American counterparts.
Not knowing exactly what I was supposed to tell them, I began by explaining that on the previous day I had taught a commercial copywriting seminar and that, in many ways, a good commercial has a lot in common with a good radio news broadcast.
While I expected a few raised eyebrows in response, I was not prepared for the vehement protests. Journalism, they informed me, has NOTHING in common with radio commercials.
No? I asked. To be effective, both need to tell human stories that affect people in some way. Both have to be written and presented in a manner that catches the attention of the listener. And to be effective, both must be remembered.
Most of the students, I think, eventually saw my point. Well, some of them. I hope.
Answers To American Tourist Questions:
No, most Dutch people do not wear wooden shoes. A few in the countryside still do, as a deliberate lifestyle statement (not unlike the Amish in America). It was only a couple of generations ago, however, that wooden shoes were very common across Holland.
In fact, one of the Dutch friends I visited grew up on a farm, wearing wooden shoes. Ad Roland is a legendary European disc jockey who now runs his own radio school in Hilversum, between Utrecht and Amsterdam.
Novice announcers from throughout Europe — and especially Germany — stay for a couple of weeks, living in spartan dormitory rooms while they sleep, eat and breathe radio. It’s quite a set-up, and Ad took me there for a visit after my speech to the Dutch Broadcast Congress.
I saw only one windmill during my entire visit. Sorry.
The first moments I ever spent in Italy were late Thursday night. The plane landed at Milano in the rain, I collected my luggage…and there was no one there to meet me. (I was 45 minutes away from my final destination, I speak no Italian, and no one in the airport spoke English.)
While standing forlornly in the deserted airport, I noticed two policemen. Or, I should say, I noticed their weapons; each was carrying a sub-machine gun. Oddly, it did not make me feel more secure.
A radio story from radio legend Gary Owens….
I used to have a running battle at KMPC about the air conditioning.
We had three separate booths from which the disc jockeys broadcast. Invariably, during the hot summer months the air conditioning in mine was always on the fritz.
I’d walk down the hall and it would be 72 degrees; in my booth it would be about 87. I’d work in my t-shirt, and I’d be perspiring and I couldn’t think, and nothing would be done.
I’d ask each day, “Is the air conditioning fixed?”
“Oh, they tell us it’s going to be taken care of today.”
Three months it went on.
So one day I came in and was doing “bad air conditioning jokes” on the air: “Because our air conditioning doesn’t work, it’s so hot in here that…”
And they sent a man over from KTLA-TV. He said, “Mr. Owens, I’m here to fix the air conditioning.”
I said, “Thank God you’re here!”
He walked around to where my engineer, Bud Stalker, was. Stalker was playing the cartridges and stuff, and suddenly Stalker starts laughing. He said to me, “You won’t believe what just happened!”
I said, “I’ll believe anything.”
“The man walked over here,” he said, “and the record was playing. He reached over and turned down the on-air monitor knob…and then he said, ‘Is that any cooler?’”
And then the guy left! We never saw him again.
I spent last week in Italy, coaching a national morning radio show. My hosts put me up in a very fancy hotel. My suite came complete with a Turkish bath.
And I just happened to have my video camera with me. (That’s the the Duomo di Milano — one of Europe’s most famous cathedrals — off in the distance.)
