DAN O’DAY TALKS ABOUT RADIO

Is it possible to produce a good radio commercial that includes all these lame bullet points in just 30 seconds?

I don’t know. But I know it’s possible to produce a spot that at the very least is better. And I suspect some loyal readers could create something so much better that it might reach the level of “good.”

So here’s the deal: You have until next Monday, March 9, to upload your own production that includes these points:

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Designed with nature-inspired motifs, patterns and textures. (You are not required, however, to use that phrasing.)

30% off

Hundreds of design accessories for the home (you are free to reword that phrase), including vases, frames, table linens, pillows and furniture

Prices starting under $10

The Rules

You must upload your produced spot using this link.

It must be an mp3 file.

You must fully identify yourself.

The spot must run between 29.5 and 30.5 seconds.

Although you may have someone else produce and/or voice the commercial, the revised spot must be written by you.

Do not upload a script. You must upload an mp3 recording of the produced spot.

By “mp3 recording,” I mean “mp3 recording.” I do not mean .wav file, mp4, or anything other goshdarn format.

The Prize

If you win, you will receive your choice of any one of my mp3 seminars or e-books, as well as world-wide recognition, invaluable bragging rights, and the satisfaction of knowing that you are better than everyone else.

Judging Criteria

Bring that lousy commercial at least to the level of “pretty good.” If you can’t make it at least pretty good, you have the option of making it very, very, entertaining.

Judging

I will be the sole judge, unless I have other people help me. The decision of the judge(s) is subjective, arbitrary and final. In the event that no one submits a spot the judge(s) deem good enough, nobody wins anything and I’ll donate the mp3 seminar or e-book of my choice to Habitat for Humanity.

Anyone who emails a commercial to me rather than uploading it via this link will be disqualified, publicly disgraced and banned from Major League Baseball. I mean it. Use the upload link. Seriously.

Ladies and gentlemen, start your word processors. And may the best (or most insanely competitive) copywriter win.

The following is excerpted from CONTEXTUAL PROGRAMMING: The Only Way To Win In A Competitive Market.

Whenever your Internet experience is problem-free — your computer doesn’t crash, your phone line or DSL or cable or wireless connection is working, and your software works properly — are you conscious of feeling really, really happy about the fact that you’re able to go online?

No?

How do you feel when your Internet connection doesn’t work? When your computer keeps freezing up? When — the ultimate modern crisis — you can’t access your e-mail??

Upset? Frustrated? Depressed?

In our normal state, we’re not happy; we’re just not unhappy.

For much of our daily lives, we find ourselves in one of two states: Unhappy….or Not Unhappy.

What pushes us from “Not Unhappy” to “Unhappy” most often is chaos.

The dictionary definition of “chaos” is:

“The confused unorganized state of primordial matter before the creation of distinct forms.”

Humans attempt to overcome chaos by imposing some semblance of order upon it. And Radio helps by providing listeners with a context to the events in their lives.

What Does It Actually Mean, Anyway?

“Context” comes from the Latin word, “contexere”: “To weave together.”

Do you ever sing along with the radio or with a music CD or mp3 player? If so, do ever you find yourself singing in falsetto to match the vocals of the song?

Yes? Why? You could sing it in your own register, in the correct key…Just an octave or two lower.

You sing in falsetto to maximize the synchronicity of context: to weave the sound of your voice with the sounds coming out of your radio or CD player or mp3 player.

Radio weaves together the strands of listeners’ daily lives into a context that helps fend off the chaos.

Listeners don’t ask Radio to put them in a state of Happiness. They turn to Radio in the hopes that it will help take them out or perhaps keep them out of a state of Unhappiness.

How’s this for a corny (yet, for a successful radio station, honest) slogan?

“Radio helps people feel they’re tuned in to life.”

Our jobs as radio people: To provide meaningful contexts for our listeners’ lives.

“Even for a pop music station, Dan?”

Do you know what you call a radio station that provides music with no context?

An iPod.

Here is where you can read the entire CONTEXTUAL PROGRAMMING.

September, 1994 (continued):

My last stop on this radio seminar tour was Oberhausen, where I conducted AIR PERSONALITY PLUS+ for NRW, thanks to PD Dr. Klaus Klenke and Music Director Jeff van Gelder.

Translation Booth

Unlike this trip’s other in-station seminars, this was done with simultaneous translation; some staffers listened to my English, others heard a German translation in their headphones. (My seminar at the conference in Leipzig also featured simultaneous translation.)

This is not as difficult for me as it might sound. The only real problem is that when I say something humorous, I have to wait seven seconds for the translators to catch up to see if the attendees laugh. (If they don’t laugh, then obviously the interpreters screwed up the translation of the joke.)

Flying back home via Amsterdam, I spent some time in the KLM lounge while awaiting my flight to L.A. It was there that I noticed a woman who apparently was sanitizing some magazines before bringing them to her home country.

When I walked by, she was using a black marking pen to cover up the legs of a woman in an advertisement.

Then she kept flipping the pages, stopping frequently to apply more black ink to any images that might corrupt her countrymen/women back home. (Either she herself is impervious to corruption, or she’s already corrupted.)