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You’ve heard me say this before: Award-winning radio commercials rarely are good commercials. They are radio commercials that entertain the judges.

But maybe you haven’t heard lots of “award winners” and you’re not sure I’ve been telling you the truth. So let’s visit a number of spots honored as “the best of the best” by the 2007 Radio Mercury Awards.

As I selected commercials to share with you, I followed just one criterion: Was there something about the spot that stood out? Sometimes — okay, rarely — that something that stood out made it an effective commercial. More often, an entry stood out because it was so staggeringly bad.

You be the judge.

That’s a very clever idea, megaphone manufacturer employees all speaking through megaphones.

But….

They didn’t test this spot by listening to it over a car radio in traffic; much of it simply cannot be understood under noisy road conditions.

Also, the only picture that’s painted is this company in which everyone talks into a megaphone. But there’s no picture of the solution —the results — that FedEx offers. Nothing.

They could have tagged anything onto the end of this. They could have said, “We need to advertise more” or “We need to put up billboards.”

Here Comes The Clue Train

If you can replace the advertiser with any other advertiser without weakening the spot, your commercial might entertain. It might win awards. But it won’t make money for the advertiser.

It’s a clever conceit, but it’s poorly executed in terms of thinking about the end user’s (listener’s) experience, and it does a terrible job of demonstrating the results it actually is supposed to be selling.

But it won an award for BBDO New York.

Hey, guess what? The “Chief Judge” of that year’s awards is a “Chief Creative Officer” of BBDO New York.

Golly, a Chief Creative Officer of an agency that produces entertaining crap like this — that couldn’t have anything to do with the fact that so many patently terrible commercials are honored. Could it?

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Illustration © 2009 by Bobby Ocean

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When I announced to the attendees at this year’s PD Grad School (by the way, only 10 copies left of the 2009 Complete Audio Record) that I’d decided to return to the airwaves with my own daily radio show, I was quite moved by their obvious shock and awe.

But don’t take my word for it. Here they are, at the very moment I broke the momentous news.

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December 1994 (London, continued):

I saw some interesting TV programs while in London.

Yes, the one in the middle was booted off the show for Conduct Unbecoming a UK TV Quiz Show Host.

One was a brilliantly funny show called Have I Got News For You!, based on a long-running British radio program. Too complex to try to describe here, but it combined comedy, current events, and quiz show elements in a way I’d never seen before. In the 15 years since I first saw it, this remains one of my favorite programs in the world.

A less impressive show was Good Fortune, an odd combination of Queen for a Day and This Is Your Life. It was shot in front of a studio audience, and basically it consisted of the host bringing audience members onstage and surprising them with the news that they were recipients of inheritances they had not known about. (Some got money from the wills of distant relatives; one received the proceeds from a pension fund he had not know he had contributed to.)

Another program — apparently not very well known — was The Trial. It was a reality-based show involving real crimes but done quite differently than in America. Each episode followed one particular trial from beginning to end and on through appeal (if there was one).

They videotaped inside the courtroom (where the participants acted surprisingly like the ones on Rumpole of the Bailey), and both the defendant and the defense attorney made themselves quite accessible to the program throughout.

The defendant — who, in this episode, claimed innocence of attempted armed robbery — told his story to the camera, which showed what his life in prison was like while awaiting trial. The defense attorney provided analysis of each day’s courtroom proceeding.

If this episode fairly represented the British judicial system, it certainly seems easier to convict someone in England than it is in the U.S. Imagine this:

The prosecution had no physical evidence directly connecting the accused to the crime. Although there were several eyewitnesses who saw the perpetrator up close, none was able to pick the defendant out of a line-up. They all agreed the robber resembled the accused, but none was certain it was he…and one witness went so far as to say the real criminal definitely was taller than the defendant.

So….What evidence was there? A bag similar to the one used by the robber was found at the home of the defendant’s brother (although it was not established the defendant had ever been there). And a former friend of the accused told police the defendant told him he had committed the crime.

The other show I saw was Don’t Forget Your Toothbrush — the title of which came from the fact that at the end of the program, two audience members were sent either to some exotic locale (that week, Grenada) or — if they responded with too many wrong answers to their quiz questions — to some ugly locale in England. And they left immediately after the show.

Prior to this, however, there were several quite silly participation stunts. One featured contestants who entered an elevator in the building that housed the studio. With a couple of dozen floors to choose from, each contestant had a minute or two to stop at as many floors as possible. (For some reason, they didn’t simply go up one floor at a time; they picked floor numbers and jumped around.)

There was a camera inside the elevator. At each floor, when the door opened they either saw a suitcase full of money (which they ran out and grabbed, then returned to the elevator)…or they saw someone with a bucket of water, which promptly was thrown at the contestant.

The most diabolical feature, however, consisted of paying people to let the show drop their favorite things into the river Thames. For example:

A woman in the audience had a drawing done by her young son to commemorate the recent birth of his younger sister. The drawing featured the mother, father, little boy, and the baby. It was very cute, and the mother liked it so much she had it framed. The show had it dangling on a rope from a helicopter, over the Thames, while the host offered her a thousand pounds to let them drop it in the river. (She refused the money. Apparently, most people did not refuse.)

Wonderful news: Rumor has it they’re trying to bring this show back to the airwaves.

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Today we surprised our STARTING YOUR VOICEOVER BUSINESS: Everything You Need To Know To Turn Your Dream Or Your Sideline Into A Business teleseminar series students with a bonus call:

“PR: How To Leverage The Power of the Media To Grow Your Fame, Wealth and Success” public relations specialist Pam Lontos.

This post is for to allow our students to share their “reviews.”

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