(YOUR DOCTOR’S OFFICE)
YOU: I’d like to healthier.
DOCTOR: Okay. I’ll jot down a list of medicines for you to take.
What’s missing from that scene?
A diagnosis.
The doctor is prescribing a treatment before the problem has been clearly defined. I’d call that medical malpractice.
And every day, copywriters commit advertising malpractice by presuming to write commercials without first knowing anything about the client, the product, the market, and the client’s goals.
You’ve heard me voice this complaint before:
Too many salespeople don’t take the time to do the most basic “homework” required to do a good job for the client.
Why? Is it because they’re too….
Lazy?
Overworked?
Unmotivated?
Pressured for time?
Undertrained?
I don’t care how busy that doctor is. If he doesn’t take the time to diagnose before prescribing, he is not doing right by his patient.
Here’s a typical example.
A station account executive sent me a commercial he’d written and asked for a critique. He added, “I am finding that writing any form of copy (especially :30s) is difficult.”
Of course, he’s never attended a seminar on copywriting, never purchased a book or audio seminar on the subject. Never had any training of any kind in creating effective advertising. But he’s surprised that he finds it difficult.
Here’s what he said about the commercial:
“The client is a local owner of a tanning salon. In this college market, tanning places have popped up all over…all with the lowest prices and best products to choose from. Hence, how do I make my client’s business stand out from all of the others?”
Here’s the commercial he submitted. (I have changed enough details to make it impossible for anyone to identify his market.)
FEMALE VOICE (ENTHUSIASTIC/ENERGETIC)
Hey there! It’s me again, with this week’s beauty secret. Maybe your tan didn’t turn out like planned, or if you’re like me, you just need to maintain it for the semester. Let’s face it; with weekend nightlife, dates, parties and formals right around the corner, everyone just looks healthier with a tan.
The secret: Spartan Tan.
Right next door to Sparky’s Nightclub, Spartan Tan utilizes Wolff Tanning Systems and carries a full line of Australian Gold and California Tan products. Spartan Tan also has a semester Happy Hour every Tuesday night from 7 til 9. So bring a friend, and take advantage of special tanning discounts.
Spartan Tan; we tan the most beautiful people in Lansing.
Here’s the reply I sent to this account executive.
The reason you’re finding it difficult to write the commercial is that first you have to do some research.
I realize you weren’t taught this when you became an account executive, but creating a commercial campaign without research is like visiting the United States for the very first time and driving from Chicago to Phoenix without a road map. There’s a chance you’ll find your way to your destination…but that chance is awfully slight.
Fortunately, the research can be accomplished with a minimum of time and effort. (More time and that most salespeople are willing to invest, however. That is why most radio commercials don’t work.)
How do I make my client’s business stand out from all of the others?
Your job is not to figure out a way to make the client’s business stand out from the rest. Your job is to discover what already does make it stand out; hence, your research.
You need to find out why customers patronize Spartan Tan instead of one of their many competitors. You can and should ask the client, but the client’s answers (“friendlier service, nicer people”) are almost certain to be worthless.
Where can you find valid, useful answers? From the client’s customers. Either:
A) Go to Spartan Tan and hang around long enough to interview at least 20 actual customers as they exit the establishment. Ask them:
Is this your first time at Spartan Tan? If so, why did you choose to come here? Why did you choose to come here rather than someplace else? {Note that those are two different questions.}
What did you hope to accomplish by coming here?
What was it like today?
How do you feel after your tanning session?
Was it different in any way than you expected? If so, how was it different?
How did you hear about Spartan Tan? {If someone recommended Spartan Tan, ask who recommended it and why.}
Will you come back to Spartan Tan? If so, why?
{If it’s a repeat customer} Why do you come back to Spartan Tan? What do you like most about Spartan Tan? Have you ever been to another tanning salon (local or elsewhere)? If so, how does Spartan Tan compare to the other places you’ve been?
or
B) Ask the client to give you a list of 40 customers and their phone numbers. Keep calling until you reach 12 of them.
When you reach one, begin by saying, “I’m conducting a consumer satisfaction survey for Spartan Tan. I understand you visited Spartan Tan recently…” Then ask your questions.
When the client balks, saying, “None of the other radio stations or newspapers needed to call my customers,” you reply, “I guess they weren’t as committed as we are to creating an advertising campaign that makes you money.”
You’ll also want to ask these questions of the client:
How much does a tanning session usually cost?
Exactly what are the special tanning discounts?
How often do “regular customers” come?
Can a customer save money by coming regularly? If so, please explain in detail.
What, aside from “looking good,” are the benefits of tanning? {There might not be any, but let’s not simply assume.}
What are the details of your “happy hour”?
Why is your “happy hour” held on Tuesday nights? {Probably it’s the slowest time of the week, but we refuse to assume anything.}
What is your busiest time of the week? Why?
What mistakes do some tanners make? That is, how could they create a more fulfilling tanning experience for themselves?
Are there any industry statistics that indicate advantages of tanning?
Why is it important to mention Wolff Tanning Systems, Australian Gold and California Tan? Are they providing co-op dollars?
What is the absolute best tanning facility in the world? Why is it the best? {Ask for details.}
Are there any preconceived notions or misconceptions that prevent more people from coming to a tanning facility?
What usually is the reason a person goes to a tanning salon for the very first time?
It appears you’re targeting college students. Why? Simply because it’s a college town? Or is it because college students are major consumers of tanning sessions? Male or female? {If they say “both,” ask for a percentage breakdown.}
Please understand that if you take the modest amount of time needed to conduct this very basic research, most of the other salespeople in your market will think you are crazy.
Most of the other salespeople in Lansing — as well as in Detroit, Philadelphia, Cincinnati and Walla Walla — simply jot down a few notes on the back of the client’s business card and either turn those notes over to a copywriter or magically transform them into a “commercial” all by themselves.
Of course, most radio salespeople don’t remain radio salespeople for very long.
If you will gather some of the above answers, I’ll critique the commercial you provided and do my best to help you replace it with one that is more likely to produce results for your clients and re-orders for you and your station.
And the A.E.’s reply?
None.
It just wasn’t worth the effort. It might have been worth it to the client, who was paying for the advertising campaign. But not to the local radio station’s “advertising consultant.”
Without an adaptor, you can forget about inserting an American plug into a European outlet. Then I dutifully downloaded my waiting e-mail from CompuServe. (This was, after all, 1996…)
