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This is the first of a 6-part series of Secrets of Radio Advertising.

The pioneering advertising copywriter Robert Collier explained that the secret of advertising is to enter a conversation the consumer already is having.

It might be a conversation they’re having with another person; it might be a conversation they’re having with themselves:

“Boy, this is depressing. None of my clothes fits any more. I’ve just got to lose some weight!”

“I’ve got to come up with a romantic gift for my spouse for Valentine’s Day!”

“I know I should make a will, for my family’s protection. But I don’t have any idea who to go to….”

Hint: The consumer is not already having a conversation about the friendly, knowledgeable staff down at Honest Ed’s Automobile Emporium.

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FIVE MORE RADIO PROGRAMMING FALLACIES

Recently on this blog I shared Five Radio Programming Fallacies.

Here are five more.

6. “Don’t say goodbye at the end of your air shift.”

The goal is a valid one: not to signal to the listeners that it’s time to leave.

(Survivors of my Air Personality Plus+ seminar know I’m referring to the importance of Avoiding Egresses.)

But if you’ve succeeded in establishing a one-to-one bond with the listener, if suddenly you disappear then you break that bond.

A good radio show is a conversation with the listener. (Serious, humorous, playful, challenging, contentious — but a conversation.)

Imagine you’re sitting on a park bench, engaged in an interesting conversation with someone. You turn your head, look back — and the person suddenly is gone. A bit jarring, no?

Still, you can “say goodbye” without saying goodbye.

You can hand off the show to the next host, in a bit of crosstalk.

You can promote tomorrow’s show, promote an element of the next jock’s show, and then slip away: “Remember, (Celebrity) will be live in the studio with us tomorrow. Meanwhile, (NEXT JOCK) is here and he’s just dying to give you a pair of tickets to the (Artist) concert….”


7.
” ‘Actualities’ are very important to a newscast.”

I certainly believed it when I was a News Director.

Why?

They give the illusion of news.

And to a radio person, they feel like Radio.

But reliable research indicates the radio audience just couldn’t care less.

Newscaster: “We asked Sheriff Jones if any arrests have been made….”

Sheriff Jones: “No arrests have been made thus far, but we’re working on a number of promising leads.”

Most of us were taught to “add audio.”

But if listeners to a music or entertainment station sit through a newscast, it’s to find out what’s happening in their world.

Yes, probably in the 1920s it was exciting for listeners to hear politicians’ actual voices. By now the novelty pretty much has worn off.

Exception: If the new voice adds a deeper layer of emotional impact, then it makes sense to use it.


8.
“Because ‘no one listens more than 30 minutes,’ every 30-minute segment should be fully self-contained.”

In other words, in any 30-minute period, the listener should hear a microcosm of your entire program. If you have characters, trivia questions, phone calls and music, then within any 30-minute period the listener should hear a character, a trivia question, a phoner and some songs.

This helps fulfill the 30-minute limit prophecy.

You don’t want the listener to feel a sense of completion after just 30 minutes. You want the listener to sense that the longer she listens, the more fun she’ll have.

(Reminds me of another “expert” who was quoted in a trade publication as saying, “Because radio averages 7% of the ad dollar, reps should ask for 7% of the client’s advertising budget.”)


9.
“Imaging = Clever Liners.”

Okay, no one actually says that aloud.

But most radio programmers and producers think “imaging” is comprised of two elements: cleverness and production tricks.

One of my pet peeves is programmers or imaging directors who ask me, “Where can I find some clever liners?”

Instead they should be asking, “What does our station truly represent? What is the core listener experience that differentiates us from our competitors? And how can we express that in a powerful manner?”


10.
“You should put music under everything, for ‘forward momentum’ and to ‘keep it interesting.’ ”

If you need to put music under something in order to make it interesting, then by definition that “something” is boring. How about making it actually interesting?

As with news actualities, music should be added to voice only if it increases the emotional impact of the message.

You don’t create forward momentum by adding music, any more than you add action to a dull movie scene by making lots of quick cuts.

You create forward momentum by structuring your program (and your station) so that each element organically leads to the next.

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MONDAY MARKETING SMACKDOWN: Gyu-Kaku Restaurant

Gyu-Kaku is an expensive, Japanese barbecue restaurant.

Last year an all-you-can-eat Asian buffet, Hokkaido, opened up across the street. While the buffet’s food is merely adequate, its quantity and variety are pretty darned impressive.

I’m guessing Hokkaido ended up “eating Gyu-Kaku’s lunch,” so to speak. It made a big dent in their lunch business.

In fact, it’s been taking away so much lunch business that Gyu-Kaku hung a big sign outside, advertising “Lunch All You Can Eat”— just $15.95 for an array of their most popular items.

That’s a few bucks more than the across-the-street competitor, but the food quality probably is considerably higher.

Smart move, I thought. Until I read the “fine print” on the restaurant’s website.

Here’s Hokkaido’s description of its buffet.

Now take a look at Gyu-Kaku’s luncheon buffet description — specifically, the “RULES & RESTRICTIONS.” (Note: That link opens to a PDF file.)

Someone at Gyu-Kaku had a good idea, fighting back with its own luncheon buffet.

But whoever is in charge of Gyu-Kaku’s “fine print” has done his or her best to discourage anyone from actually trying their all-you-can-eat special.

I wouldn’t be surprised to see uniformed Luncheon Police at each table, monitoring customers’ ordering and eating behaviors as frantic diners keep one eye on the countdown clock and bargain with each other to determine which one course they all must order.

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A VERY UNUSUAL CAR DEALER RADIO COMMERCIAL

Lee Eckley brought this very different local dar dealer commercial to my attention.

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FIVE RADIO PROGRAMMING FALLACIES

1.  “People don’t remember DJs’ names. Therefore, there’s no point in radio air talent training.”

Some programming consultant actually said that in a trade publication interview.

If your hosts don’t make enough of a connection to your audience to be memorable, then “air talent training” should be at the top of your priorities.


2. 
“You can’t get people to listen for more than 30 minutes, so don’t waste your time trying.”

If you believe that, then I trust you believe it’s impossible to fix a broken carburetor.

After all, I can’t fix a carburetor.

Reminds me of a radio convention panel session I was on years ago.

Someone in the audience asked, “Is it possible to teach somebody to be a radio personality?”

One of the other guys on the panel replied, “No, it can’t be done. I know, because I’ve tried.”

He can’t teach someone to be a personality. But there are others who can.

I can’t fix a carburetor. But there are others who can.

Many programmers can’t get people to listen for more than 30 minutes. But there are others who can.

I’ve seen their ratings.

 

3. Giving your name frequently is self-aggrandizing.”

On a music station, hosts should give their names frequently.

As in, “Each break.”

Making sure listeners know who you are is humble, not boastful.

It’s also good for your ratings (in markets that use self-report measurements and depend upon listener recall).

 

4.  “The audience doesn’t care about you.”

Practically every DJ in the world (including me) has, at one time, worked for a program director or manager who said that.

Of course they care about you!

If you make a human, personal connection to them.

If you’re a personality, not just an “announcer.”

(The difference: An announcer never says anything worth listening to.)

 

5.  “Never say ‘I.’ “

This one is big among self-styled consultants and certain station managers who never were successful radio personalities.

You know the stereotype of the person who couldn’t make it radio and so instead became a consultant?

I was shown an air talent critique written by one of those “can’t-get-a-job-in-America-so-she-became-a-consultant-overseas” types. She instructed the talent, “Use the word YOU instead of the word ‘I’ to deepen the engage.”

(Yes, she did say “to deepen the engage.” Yes, I too had been under the impression that “engage” is a verb, not a noun.)

You see, when you use the world “you,” then boring material magically becomes…um, engageful.

I just checked, and so far in this article I’ve used the world “I” seven times.

Do you find this posting to be impersonal?

Should I have said, “YOU can’t fix a carburetor”?

In your daily conversations with friends and colleagues, do you ever say “I”?

Well, guess what: A good radio show is nothing more than a conversation between the host and the audience.

But you still think it’s wrong to say “I”?

Okay. Test it yourself:

Listen to the 20 highest rated air personalities in America. They all say “I” and “me” and “my.” As well as “you” and “your” and “yours.”

I guarantee it. I mean, “You guarantee it.”

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