This commercial involves the story of half a million people. We know that because the opening line is:
“Who are we to argue with half a million people?”
Except…That’s not what the story is about. The story is about…uh, pre-owned BMWs. Not an interesting story. Not a good story. But despite the expectations raised by the opening line, that’s what this spot is about: pre-owned BMWs.
The second line indicates what the commercial really is about — and, I suspect, inadvertently offers a statement that could get BMW in trouble with the Federal Trade Commission:
“That’s half a million satisfied customers who have made BMW the leader in the luxury segment.”
This is just a hunch, but I suspect “half a million” is the number of people who have purchased pre-owned BMWs. That doesn’t necessarily equate to half a million satisfied customers.
Why do I get the feeling BMW made an unsupportable leap from “customers” to “satisfied customers”? Because in this spot they make the claim without supporting it. If 500,000 people who purchased pre-owned BMWs reported they were delighted with their vehicles and would recommend pre-owned BMWs to their friends, it would be been smart to say so in this spot.
Just a hunch, based on experience. Perhaps they were referring to such a statistic but don’t understand why they should cite it (i.e., to establish credibility).
But it doesn’t matter, because that’s not the horrific part of this commercial. The really awful part is…
…Actually, there is no really awful part. It’s all so extraordinarily innocuous that it has no impact at all — not even a negative one.
“…the leader in the luxury segment.”
Okay, that’s a joke, right? They don’t really believe there’s even one consumer who ever has uttered (or even thought) the words, “the luxury segment,” do they?
MRS. STUPID: Gee, Honey, what kind of car should we buy?
MR. STUPID: Doesn’t matter to me, Sweet Pea, as long as it’s one of the models in the luxury segment.
What is this commercial’s Core Message — the one thing they want the targeted audience to hear, to understand and to remember? Is it:
* Largest selection to choose from online? (Bonus points for the passive language, guys.)
* Comprehensive protection plan?
* All vehicles meticulously serviced by BMW technicians? (Does BMW have a less expensive program offering vehicles that have been serviced by BMW technicians but not meticulously? “All vehicles haphazardly serviced,” perhaps?)
* The vehicles go through — this is breathtaking — an inspection process? A rigorous (vs. a lax) inspection process?
Just when you think, “Well, at least they’ve run out of dumb things to say,” BMW surpasses expectations:
“Not to mention it offers something no other manufacturer can…”
This is Copywriting 101, folks. Saying “not to mention” before mentioning something is stupid. Not to mention it’s bad advertising.
The Call To Action? Visit a laughably clumsy URL.
The reason to heed that Call To Action?
“For details.”
Talk about your irresistible offers.
Here’s the entire message this commercial contains: “BMW sells used cars. Please buy one.”
Contained but barely communicated.
Exclusive footage from RAB 2009!
Due to a scheduling snafu, a Radio Advertising Bureau official has just informed attendees that my 90-minute presentation will be cut back to only 45 minutes.
This scheduling problem was something over which I had no control, and I apologize to everyone who was disappointed by the abbreviated presentation.
This exclusive video footage begins just after the announcement has been made.
October 1994 (continued):
Upon arriving at the hotel in Seattle, I pulled my luggage cart onto the escalator to take me from the street level up to the lobby area. Just I reached the top, the straps to the cart somehow became undone, and my suitcase, tote bag and computer tumbled all the way down the escalator. (No one was hurt, and my belongings did not seem to be damaged.)
As soon as I got to my room, I went to sleep. The next day began early: At 6:30AM, Eric Kirchner picked me up and drove me to KCMS, where at 7:00 I began an air talent seminar for the staff there.
We ended at 2:00. Eric drove me back to the hotel, where at 3:00 I conducted THE PSYCHOLOGY OF MANAGEMENT for the Public Radio Program Directors’ Conference.
As I began the 2-hour session, we heard loud noises coming from the other end of the ballroom, which had been partitioned off into two sections.
It turns out Kenny Loggins was going to perform there, that night…for some other convention. This was his crew, conducting a sound check.
The hotel was completely unsuccessful in getting them to stop the noise, which made it very difficult for both me and the audience to concentrate.
This situation did, however, lead to my best remark of the trip. At one point, the sound check guy kept repeating into the microphone, “Duh…Duh…Duh…Duh…”
To which I responded, “Oh, isn’t that cute. Kenny Loggins is practicing his ad-libs.”
(I like Kenny Loggins, but his crew had not been given permission to use the room then, and everyone thought they were quite inconsiderate.)
After my session, I grabbed my bags, gobbled down some happy hour food, and returned to the Seattle airport. I flew to San Francisco, changed planes, and caught the red-eye to Washington D.C. The flight was sold out, so I spent the five hours trying (without much success) to sleep in a tiny seat between two big snoring guys.
Upon reaching Washington, a limo was waiting to drive me the hour or so to Gaithersburg, Maryland, where Ozzie Sattler had arranged for me to conduct a seminar for managers of the Group W radio stations. To my delight, when I entered the hotel lobby I encountered Paulette Carpenter, who handed me my room key. (Checking in can be almost as exhausting as getting there.)
I slept for two hours, ate breakfast, and went downstairs to conduct the seminar.
As soon as I was finished, the same limo drove me back to the D.C. airport, where I caught a plane to Hershey, Pennsylvania.
On the following day (Sunday; my trip had begun Thursday evening) I conducted a full-day version of my AIR PERSONALITY PLUS+ seminar for Rich Wyckoff and the Pennsylvania Association of Broadcasters. Nearly 200 people attended. The big turn-out added to the energy of the seminar.
As soon as it was over, a couple of the attendees drove me right back to the airport, where I caught a flight to Chicago and then another one back home to Los Angeles. The box score: Four different seminars in three states in two days.
