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VOICEOVER PUPPY MILLS

Harlan Hogan

Harlan Hogan has decided to teach a month-long series of teleseminars devoted to just one topic: Starting Your Own Voiceover Business: Everything You Need To Know To Turn Your
Dream Or Your Sideline Into A Business.

Why?

If you think he needs the money, you’re mistaken. He’s been pulling down a steady six figures each year for 32 years — as he says, as a talker, not as a teacher.

He’s doing it for two reasons:

1. He’s seen too many promising careers flame briefly and then disappear because the voice actors concentrated on voiceover jobs or even voiceover careers…but not on building voiceover businesses. If you spend all your time trying to land an audition or win a gig, you’re missing the big picture. Harlan is a Big Picture kind of guy.

2. Over the past couple of years he’s become really upset over what I have dubbed “Voiceover Puppy Mills”: companies that sucker people in to free or inexpensive “workshops” and then follow up with each person who attended: “You have what it takes to make it in voiceovers! You must sign up for our multi-thousand dollar ‘master’s class’ immediately!

I knew there were some fake voiceover gurus out there, posing as successful VO performers, suckering people into “continuity programs” where the naive student pays $X per month — forever — to be part of an inner circle of other would-be voice actors. I’m quite familiar with that business model. Heck, I can tell you who invented it.

But I didn’t know about the hucksters who pitch their tents, separate the local yokels from their precious cash, and then move on to the next sucker town.

For a couple of years now, Harlan has forwarded me the various snake oil pitches that have come his way.

Result:

Now I’m angry, too. So when he asked me to assist in putting together a series of teleseminar classes that tell the truth, offer real-world information and tools, and can steer serious voiceover professionals away from “hope careers” and toward voice acting businesses…It was easy to say yes.

Harlan talks about those rip-off artists in much greater detail here.

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This is a Sushi-ish restaurant in a strip mall in Los Angeles. I like Sushi. I like Japanese food. But I’ve never gone into this place, because I’ve never been able to see what it looks like inside.

Is it tiny? Spacious? Tastefully decorated or unappealing to the eye? Lots of happy customers inside, or is it empty?

Who knows? They’ve covered virtually every viewable inch of glass with pictures and posters that are intended to “sell” the restaurant but which in reality discourage new customers from entering.

Drives me crazy every time I see it.

What Does This Have To Do With Radio Advertising?

A good radio commercial offers the listener a “test drive” of the results offered by the product or service. When you clutter up your spot with bells & whistles, jokes, and extraneous audio, you obscure any potential consumer test drive.

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RADIO, THE RECESSION AND PROCTER & GAMBLE

You probably haven’t noticed — theoretically it’s possible for you not to spend your every waking moment thinking about me — but despite today’s economy I’ve been doing more “stuff” than ever.

Why?

Because if everyone around me is cutting back while I’m doing as much as — or more than — ever, I get a lot more bang for my buck.

This hardly is my own keen insight into the world of marketing. It’s conventional wisdom:

“We have a philosophy and a strategy. When times are tough, you build share.”

AG Lafley, CEO, Procter & Gamble

Probably you’ve tried to explain that to your clients. If not, you should.

But if you do, you also should “walk the walk.”

If your station or agency has halted all expenditures in training and R&D, you really don’t have the right to preach to potential advertisers the value of continuing to reach out to the marketplace while their competitors are sticking their heads in the sand.

I’m just sayin’….

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Former radio guy, MTV pioneer and E! Entertainment CEO Lee Masters loves “agent jokes.” Here’s one:

An agent is on the phone with a producer, pitching one of his clients. A minute or two into the conversation the producer interrupts and says, “Hey, wait a minute. You’re lying to me!”

The agent says, “Yeah, I know. But hear me out…”

When you begin a commercial with an obvious lie, you lose the entire battle:

No, you don‘t work at the pharmacy counter. You’re a voice actor. And everyone listening knows you don’t work at the pharmacy. They know that you are lying to them.

“It packs the power of Advil with a strong decongestant.”

Yep, that’s exactly how my pharmacist speaks. How about yours?

Oh, and I guess the music that comes in at :10 is being piped into the pharmacy?

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Bobby Ocean radio cartoon

Illustration © 2009 by Bobby Ocean

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