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How to eat caviar

October, 1996 (continued):

I returned to Warsaw, Poland, to speak at the Radio Conference Warszawa 1996. (My first trip to Poland was a year earlier, to speak at the same conference.)

The organizers had arranged for First Class airfare on Delta to Warsaw (via Frankfurt). In an attempt to justify the ridiculously high prices charged for international First Class service, at the time United Airlines served caviar to those lucky few sitting at the front of the plane.

As any UA road warrior will tell, United stopped serving caviar long ago. (Except, presumably, in the executive dining room.)

United  also served caviar to their Business Class passengers but saved the Beluga —”the really good stuff” — for First Class.

The distinction is lost on me, of course. To me, “Beluga” is the name of a baby whale in a song by Raffi. But I know caviar is expensive and, supposedly, a delicacy. So I eat the stuff when it’s offered to me. )

Anyway….We’re up in the air and the crew serves the caviar, with full condiments (onion, chopped egg, sour cream, lemon, toast).

Naturally, there is a “proper” way to eat caviar.

Not surprisingly, I have no idea what that proper way is.

So I followed my usual (undoubtedly wrong and terrible gauche) procedure of squeezing lemon on the caviar, spreading sour cream on the toast, covering the sour cream with caviar, and sprinkling chopped egg on top.

(I always decline the offer of chopped onion. I also decline the accompanying offer of a glass of presumably very expensive vodka.)

My seatmate was an electrical engineer who spoke with an accent I could not place. We had exchanged hellos and barely more than that.

As I brought the first bite of caviar to my lips, out of the corner of my eye I noticed that he was studying my every action. Oh, no. He was watching me to learn how to eat caviar.

As I popped the bite of toast into my mouth, he completed his copy of my preparations and did the same with his.

Casually, I picked up my knife and slid some sour cream along the blade.

My seatmate did the same.

With my spoon, I applied a dollop of caviar.

A moment later, so did he.

I spread the contents of the knife onto my fork, put the fork on my plate, and squeezed the lemon over it.

Then I sprinkled some egg on top and without hesitation brought the fork to my mouth with a confident, fluid motion.

Just as my seatmate did, moments later.

(Hey, for all I know that is the way you’re supposed to eat caviar.)

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BETRAYED BY RADIO

A Loyal Reader Writes:

A comment was made in your video interview with Ray Edwards that perked my ears up. It was about hurt and anger.

I was beached back in February. I have 29 years in this business. I started part-time and did all the grunt work. Worked 80 hour weeks, sacrificed vacation time, pulled extra shifts when other jox didn’t show up. Worked my way up to MD to APD and finally to PD and the hours and work just got heavier.

But it was allllllll GREAT because I looooved it.

The past 15 years I’ve done mornings, sacrificing my health and sleep and family time. I’ve moved my family all over this country and they were ok with the fact that radio usually got the best of me and unfortunately, and they kinda got what was left over…but they knew I LOVED IT and everything about it.

Now….here I am. With all of this experience, enthusiasm, hard work and massive sacrificing for an industry that I absolutely adore and can’t get enough of. Why then, am I sitting out here feeling like it has turned its back on me?

In the past 7 months I have applied for over 46 on-air gigs (I have to keep count because of unemployment). I am OVER qualified for these jobs and they are getting snapped up by others with a fraction of the years I have in radio.

In any other industry, working your way up and to the top of ‘the ladder’ successfully for 30 years earns you the golden ticket! I feel like all those years I put in mean nothing and that breaks my heart and makes me sad….and yep, angry on some days.

I guess this is more of a rhetorical note as I don’t think there is an answer. And I KNOW, Lord I know, I am not the only one who feels this as there are LOADS of others just like me trying for that same job. I do know you understand that fire that radio put inside ones’ soul, and that you probably understand where I’m coming from.

As every day and week and month goes by, it’s getting easier to deal with it all and I’m even starting to apply for jobs outside of the radio industry, which breaks my heart too. But here is one question….how does one get past what feels like a big ol’ 30 year betrayal? Just wonderin’….

P.S.  One of my ex-co-workers once told me “don’t love radio because it’ll never love you back.” He unfortunately told me this 28 yrs too late. I am getting over it, it’s just taking a little bit.

Meanwhile, I can’t wait to hear what you are working on!

Radio “turned its back on” you because it doesn’t know you exist.

To some extent, radio always has been an industry that eats its young. In North America, at least, “radio” and “job security” never appeared in the same sentence.

Yes, consolidation has made it situation much, much worse for radio programming staffers.

But you always were gambling that your hard work, loyalty and dedication somehow would reap worthy dividends down the road.

Ironically…sadly…Radio didn’t make those promises. You (and thousands of others) assumed The Radio Industry would take care of you. It seemed only right: Hard work leads to reward.

But Radio never promised you a long-term reward.

When U.S. radio deregulation began, the writing was on the wall. Group owners (and their lobbyists) swore to Congress, “With more radio stations, we’ll be able to serve our local communities so much better!

“If you drop that stupid News requirement, our stations actually will end up providing more local news. While you’re at, get rid of that ‘Public Affairs’ requirement. Of course we’ll continue to provide Public Affairs programming.”

If I knew local news would disappear from American music stations, why didn’t those big shot group owners know? Or…Gee, d’you suppose they just said that stuff to get the government to give them more freedom to do whatever they wanted, and they never really cared about serving local communities?

My point is not, “Hey, I saw it coming. Why didn’t you?” I’d already stopped working for radio stations.

In fact, my no longer being “in” radio probably gave me a clearer picture of the industry than I had when I was a radio station employee.

And I understand why so many people stood frozen for the dozen or so years during which Radio gradually set them adrift. During the Internet bubble and subsequent crash, I owned a stock that had shot WAY up…and then watched as it descended literally to nothing. I was too much in a state of shock to act. (A pathetic excuse for losing my entire investment, but…)

For people still working in radio: What are you doing to secure your future? Are you managing your career, or are you just showing up for work and hoping your crazy boss doesn’t fire you today?

If you’re out of radio and unhappy about it:

While of course it’s possible that you, personally, will land a good radio job again, most people in your position won’t. For them the question becomes, “What are you going to do about it? How are you going to take the skills and talents you honed in radio and apply them to a new career that you’ll find equally rewarding?”

As you heard in the interview with Ray, it is possible.

I didn’t say “easy.” But it’s not “difficulty” that stops so many people as much as fear.

If you’ve been deserted by radio and are fearful of your future, you have a choice: You can do nothing at all, because you’re afraid. Or you can take the first steps to build your own new career despite the fact that you’re afraid.

Meanwhile, I can’t wait to hear what you are working on!

I wish I could talk about it, but at the moment it looks like it’ll be December before I can reveal my Plan To Save Radio People. As soon as I’m able, I’ll announce the details in our Facebook group. It will change some people’s lives, and I sure do wish I could talk about right now…

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RADIO COMMERCIALS: 30 or 60 SECONDS?

best length for radio commercials

The Evolution From :30s To :60s

Until the late 20th Century, U.S. radio stations sold both :30s and :60s. A 60-second spot cost twice as much (or almost twice as much) as a :30.

Cost-conscious advertisers typically sought to maximize the number of times their commercials would air by buying :30s.

And there was a time when that made sense — especially when there were far fewer commercial messages being broadcast and if your business was the only one in its category advertising on the radio.

This remains true today in emerging markets in countries where until recently there were no radio commercials. Often the governments of such countries limit the amount of commercials per hour, which automatically makes the ones that do air stand out.

If you sell water in the middle of a great desert and yours is the only water within 300 miles, you can simply erect a huge sign that says “Water!” and you’ll be advertising both effectively and wisely.

But if you’re selling mineral water out of a shop in a big city, with lots of competition,  probably you need to make more of an effort to tell your sales story.

If yours is the only restaurant advertising on the radio, you might well be able to profit from 10-second blurbs that proclaim, “The best Chinese food in all of Luxemburg, at Wah Lee’s Original Chinese Restaurant on Val Fleuri, across from the Post Office!”

In mature commercial radio markets, however, there is no novelty factor inherent in simply advertising on the radio. And most advertisers don’t have the luxury of being the only one in their category to run radio commercials.

The gradual shift in large and medium U.S. markets to a predominance of 60-second spots came about as the result of a startling research discovery…by radio stations, not by advertisers.

Test Question

Which do most listeners find more objectionable?

A)  A 3-minute commercial break that consists of six 30-second spots?

B)  A 4-minute commercial break that consists of four 60-second spots?

Answer:

A): What we discovered was that listeners perceive the number of commercial interruptions…not the number of minutes devoted to commercials.

When I started in radio, most U.S. stations limited the number of minutes in a commercial break. Today most stations limit the number of commercials in any given break. That’s because each time a new commercial begins, the average listener perceives it as yet another interruption.

That’s why most large and medium market stations now charge the same (or almost the same) for a :30 as for a :60 — because they’re not selling varying blocks of time, they’re selling “units” — i.e., interruptions to the programming.

Although the original intent was to protect the station’s programming, it has had the added benefit of giving advertisers a better opportunity to maximize the impact of their sales messages.

Because that, ultimately, is what the advertiser should be trying to achieve: not “number of times aired,” not “cost per point,” not even “recall” — but impact.

With 60 seconds instead of 30, you can:

• Take the time to engage the targeted consumer in a conversation.

• “Pace & lead” — begin by matching and reflecting the targeted consumers’ own experiences and then lead them to your sales message in a natural fashion.

• Take more time to show targeted consumers how your product or service can make their lives better.

• Take more time to explain what differentiates your product/service from that offered by your competitors.

• Give the announcer more time to speak at a slower, more conversational, more understandable, and more relatable pace than you hear in most radio commercials.

And if your commercial utilizes entertainment as a tactical tool for delivering the sales message, you have more time to weave the sales message into the entertainment…so that the listener cannot be entertained without simultaneously receiving the sales message.

(Sadly, this is not how most “entertaining” commercials are done. Most of them try to make you laugh for 50 seconds and then, at the end, throw a 10-second sales pitch at you.)

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ESCAPING THE RADIO “DJ” PERSONA, Part 7

(Seventh in a series)

how to be a radio DJ personality

A Loyal Reader Asks:

“How can you teach young jocks to ‘be real’ — to break out of the ‘I’m a DJ’ persona and become communicators?”

Critique others jocks’ airchecks in front of the young radio jock.

From your collection of airchecks from rejected job applicants, play some samples that in some way reflect areas of weakness shared by your young jock.

Critique them, break by break.

You do not need to point out that the jock on the aircheck is doing something your young jock also does.

And you should not make the connection too obvious. If you’ve been trying to help your jock ramble less, don’t play just a single break in which someone else rambles a lot; play several breaks from that aircheck.

Include with the “bad” airchecks samples of jocks who embody “real” radio communication.

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GOOD RADIO COMMERCIAL FROM DOWN UNDER

Austereo Adelaide’s Terry Webb proves you don’t need a big (or any) budget to produce an effective, “test drive” radio commercial….

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