CONTEST WINNER: CAN YOU DO BETTER THAN THE ORIGINAL VOICEOVER GUY?

Last week I invited readers to submit their own renditions of this radio commercial, which was a finalist in the “Radio Station Produced” category of the 2007 Radio Mercury Awards.

I explained the voice talent’s “delivery is totally disconnected from the experiences his character is relating. The performance is so wrong that I have no idea if this spot actually could be good.”

Here’s that commercial once again.

No question, it is badly written. Mostly because they tried to cram too many words into that 60-second frame, but also because they worded the beginning of the story in a manner calculated to confuse the listener:

“The other day my darling, 14-month old child…”

This story is about a 14-month old boy. But because they  ambiguously identify him as a “child,” at least half the audience immediately envisions a little girl. In fact, it’s probably more than half the audience because the writer also included the adjective “darling.”

So every listener who begins by picturing a little girl suddenly has to mentally reboot when hearing, “He smiles at me.”

Radio Advertising Rule #17: Confusing the listener is Not A Good Thing.

The Winning Entry

The winning performance was submitted by Joe Szymanski, who tells the story naturally and whose emotions shift to match the plot points.

The sound of the dog barking at the end of the spot was gratuitous. A couple of other people including dog barking SFX, too. But this story isn’t about a dog. It’s about that 14-month old child.

But this competition wasn’t about production; it was about the voice acting performance. And Joe clearly submitted the best entry.

Thanks to everyone who entered — you know that yours was a close Second Place, right?

Meanwhile, Joe: Let me know which of my mp3 seminars or e-books you’d like as your prize.