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ENTRIES #26, 27, 28: Make A Better "Target" Radio Commercial Contest

This is your penultimate day for viciously critiquing the work of your fellow professionals, in our newsmaking, breathtaking, earth shaking “Can You Write Better Than This Junk” contest…

Nancy Tyler prefaces her spot:

“Target With A Twang: Hipster discount shopping comes to the hinterlands.”

Nancy Tyler:

Sheila Newell wisely attempts to avoid direct confrontations with our readers/judges:

“I’m not really competitive, I just wanted to give this a try. Look forward to your critique: (GULP).”

Sheila Newell:

Chris Young explains:

“Had fun with it…maybe a little too much fun. Wanted something that would sound ‘different’…think we succeeded?”

Chris Young:

Okay, readers. Help ’em out with your honest opinions, feedback and advice.

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  • Nancy Tyler March 20, 2009, 9:43 am

    Friday’s my day! I was needing a creative jump start and this contest did it. Thanks for all your great teaching Dan–you’ve really shaped how I think about and create radio.

  • Alex Rain March 20, 2009, 2:11 pm

    I thought Chris’ ad was pretty clever…I was wondering where it was going… Sheila’s was great except for the line “tranquilize your bath…” I made the sound of a dart gun as soon as i heard that…so maybe a different word order… Nancy’s twang was cute, as a parody…as for being “more effective” I dunno.. just my 2 cents! Great efforts all around… this has been a blast.

  • Jonathan Lumley March 20, 2009, 2:18 pm

    I thought Sheila’s was the best out of this batch. I loved the opening line. But Nature calls as the closing?
    Chris – yes yours would have been perfect for a station promo. Or a monster truck event…

    And Nancy – I just don’t know what it is about the rednecks but you obviously think they have some money to spend and are the audience Target need. And the opening line is “i just Love Target…” is this a line that differentiates the target audience? I’m not sure it is. And would it compel me to listen?
    No. But the line about what’s the difference between a vase and a vase? – That should have been your opening line!


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