First, the Los Angeles market radio commercial.
Ironically, the only part of the sales message the audience might hear is contained in the announcer tag.
But no one will listen long enough to hear it.
Someone who’s more of a techie than I can explain what kind of processing should have been used to make it so the music didn’t compete with the voice. But any good radio producer (even without technical wizardly) would have known (and cared enough) to say to the engineer, “Hey, her audio is muddy.”
Advertising Solves Problems. Do you see any consumer problems being solved below?
“Incredibly low prices.” Well, if the advertiser says the prices are incredibly low, they must be.
“Their selection is massive.” Oh? Compared to…?
“There’s more choice than you can imagine.” That’s what I look for in an appliance/plumbing/home theater store: more choice than I can imagine. You too?
“Customer service is Priority One.” It wasn’t until the fifth or sixth time I listened that I realized (I think) she’s saying, “Customer Service,” not “Custom Service.”
What does that actually mean? If they’re trying to say, “Our #1 focus is providing great customer service,” why did they first talk about their low prices, massive selection, and your inability to imagine how much choice they offer? How about showing us how their customer service is so extraordinary?
“Their knowledgeable staff.” Yes, someone — presumably calling himself or herself a “copywriter” — actually took the time and effort to write that.
“Get a great deal.”
Remember their “incredibly low prices”? Guess what: They’re still “incredibly low.”
Because their prices are still incredibly low, “you can shop with confidence.” Really? Incredibly low prices = confidence?
Probably the copywriter meant, “So you don’t have to worry that you could get the same merchandise cheaper somewhere else,” but we’ll never know for sure.
“The staff will help you with the details” of making a purchase. Wow! Not only is the staff knowledgeable, but they’ll write up the order, too.
“Incredible service.” Okay, let’s be fair. If only there were some adjective other than “incredible.” But until the dictionary people invent more adjectives, we’re stuck with “incredible” — three times in 30 seconds.
“Massive selection” — in case you didn’t understand earlier when they said, “Their selection is massive.”
Bonus Commercial Copywriting Tip
Copywriters have been taught not to say “dollars,” and in some cases that’s good advice.
For example, when in the tag the announce says, “Only fifteen-twenty-eight,” that does sound less formidable than “one thousand five hundred twenty-eight dollars.”
On the other hand, talking about a “stainless steel kitchen package for under two thousand” unnecessarily distracts the audience because it forces them, for an instant, to translate “under two thousand” to “under two thousand dollars.”
They will translate the language the advertiser used into the language that they, the targeted listeners, use.
Don’t believe me? Ask three different people (separately, without explaining the context), “How much does a good refrigerator cost?
I don’t know what the quoted price will be, but I guarantee at least two of those three people will answer something very much like, “Oh, about 7 or 8 hundred dollars.”
Hint: Speak the language your targeted listener speaks.
