Last Thursday’s posting featured a video of my helping to record a promo for the morning show at Italy’s R101. Everyone seemed very impressed by the ease with which I mastered their language.
One of the show’s members is the notable stage and television actor, comedian, and impressionist Massimo Lopez.
Apparently the cameras continued to roll after I left the studio, and Massimo paid me the ultimate tribute: He did an impression of…me.
From The People Who Don’t Quite Get The Joke Department:
Dear Dan, I am almost weeping, I am laughing so hard. I just created a “really bad commercial” using your proven and time-tested Bad Commercial Generator.
Bill Phenix/WXRV 92.5 The River
At a seminar a couple of years ago, a radio station production director told me he’d gotten a good laugh out of it, too. So much so that he went into his Sales Manager’s office and said, “You’ve gotta see this.”
He showed the GSM the Bad Commercial Generator and — the PD swears this is true — the GSM responded, “Wow! And it’s free??”
I’m really late nailing down all the details, but here’s what I can tell you so far about PD Grad School 2009.
• February 27 – 28, Los Angeles
• It looks like we’ll have some major, ground-breaking sessions (including one or two of the world’s leading experts on “Web 2.0” — and how you really can be using it to increase your ratings & revenue).
These are guys who other Internet gurus normally pay $5,000 to $10,000 to hear speak. We’re working mightily to overcome the logistical challenges of bringing them to L.A. But it’ll be worth it.
Here, first give it a listen.
Okay, where do I begin? Maybe I should start by listing this commercial’s good points:
Um…Well, eventually it does end.
Now for the Less Than Good Points.
The first question we must grapple with is, “Is the biggest problem with this spot that the message is garbage, or is it that the garbage is delivered so incompetently?”
Pretty much a toss-up.
We might as well begin with the garbage:
What the heck is this commercial trying to communicate? What is its sales message? What problem is it solving for the targeted listener? How does it intersect with that listener’s life?
Answers: I dunno. No idea. Beats me. It doesn’t.
What is this commercial’s Core Message — the one thing they want the targeted listener to hear, to understand, and to remember? I guess it’s:
Pacific Sales is growing all across Southern California.
That’s a Core Message worth advertising?
…growing all across Southern California.
What is it, a fungus? Should some civic minded listener call the EPA?
What’s the Call To Action? What is the action the targeted listener is supposed to take to act on this non-existent sales message?
There is none.
On the other hand, they did give the advertiser’s name six times. That must have made the client feel all warm and fuzzy.
Here Is The Message Communicated By This Commercial:
“Look at us! We’re so great!”
And the tag at the end?
Beat the price increase with only a 20% deposit
What the heck does that mean?
See store for complete details.
Good idea. I’ll just hop into the car right now and drive to one of Pacific Sales’ many locations throughout Southern California and ask an expert, trustworthy and non-commissioned employee to explain it to me.
But hey, why focus on the negatives? Sure, there’s no actual message here. But when we look at the skill with which that non-message is delivered, we can’t help but be impressed.
There’s a reason Pacific Sales is growing all across Southern California. Would you like to know why? I’ll tell you…
Normally when you hear people speak like that, they’re “vamping.” This sounds like the voice talent lost the actual script and was trying to fake it.
It also reminds me of a disc jockey desperately trying to “talk up the vocal” on an incredibly long song intro. Here, let me help:
There’s a reason Pacific Sales is growing all across Southern California. Would you like to know why? Would you like to know why Pacific Sales is growing all across Southern California? Really? You’re sure you want me to tell you the reason that Pacific Sales is growing all across Southern California? Okay, then I’ll tell you why Pacific Sales is growing all across Southern California…
I’ve heard lots of bad commercials, but that opening is astonishing. They have elevated incompetence to an art form.
It takes them 14 seconds to give us a clue about what the heck they’re selling: kitchen appliances and bath fixtures. Oops, at :16 we learn it’s “home theatre,” too.
They have huge 30,000 square foot showrooms. Glad to hear that. Don’t you just hate those teensy-weensy 30,000 square foot showrooms?
Not only do they have displays of the products they sell; you actually can see them! That really sets them apart from their competitors, who no doubt keep their displays hidden behind steel curtains.
More brands than you can imagine.
Really? I can imagine 10,000 brands. How many you got?
The Pacific Sales staff is expert
HOLD THE PRESSES! You guys say you have an expert staff? Never heard THAT in commercial before. It really differentiates you from your competitors who boast about their “know-nothing employees.”
In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if your staff are friendly and knowledgeable, too.
You’ll find everything you need
Great. Which aisle has the No-Doz?
