May, 1995 (continued):
Bogotá, Colombia, is always under construction, all over the city. This adds to the traffic problems. I can’t say Bogotá is particularly attractive.
Hotel Bogota Plaza
My hotel — Hotel Bogota Plaza — was quite comfortable. Even though it was located in a primarily residential neighborhood, I didn’t sense any charm in the area. At least, though, the mountains were very close, and they were pleasant to look at. The temperature was about 60 degrees, with a little bit of rain; this is Bogotá’s weather year-round.
One aspect of life in Bogotá that apparently is different from the rest of the country is the fact that almost every house or apartment building I saw was surrounded by a security fence. They were white and blended in with the structures, so they didn’t look as unpleasant as the barred windows one sees in some neighborhoods in the U.S… but everyone had them.
My arrival in Bogotá marked the first time in my life I celebrated my birthday outside the USA. I mentioned this to my host, Caracol’s Carlos Arturo Gallego. After an informal meeting at a local café, he drove me back to my hotel…whistling “Happy Birthday to You.”
Few Colombians speak English. While at the café, the owner’s six-year old boy was shocked to hear me speak. “English??” he exclaimed. (His name was Simón. I suspect there are lots of Simóns in South America, named after Sr. Bolivar.)
At the hotel that night, I decided to eat a typical Colombian meal. Looking at the menu didn’t help me much — even though the descriptions were in Spanish and English.
So I asked my waitress to describe some of the entrees in more detail. She didn’t speak English, so she asked another waiter to help. He didn’t speak English, either, so they called over a manager…who didn’t speak English.
Ultimately I was surrounded by half a dozen friendly people who wanted to help…but we didn’t speak the same language. (Finally I got help from a non-restaurant employee.)
Ajiaco
I ordered ajiaco — a typical Colombian dish of chicken, corn and potato soup. I added salsa and cream (they were brought to the table with the ajiaco, so I assumed they were meant to go together), and it was very tasty.
To celebrate my birthday, I also ordered a couple of scoops of ice cream, which led to the most unpleasant experience of the entire trip: They ruined a perfectly good bowl of ice cream by covering it with some disgusting raspberry sauce.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it now: Ice cream is meant to be enjoyed au natural. Adding things like liquor, coffee, or fruit sauces should be against the law.
Next: On to Cartagena — and the most embarrassing moment of my public speaking career.
(Part Two of An Irregular Series)
Mariah Carey's Shoe Closet (Really)
When you’re stuck for an idea, call up a friend and talk about the general topic for 4 or 5 minutes.
You’ve got to write a spot for a shoe store, and you’re stuck for an idea. Call a friend who buys lots of shoes and say, “Tell me about buying shoes.”
“Huh?”
“Why do you buy so many shoes? How do you decide which stores to buy shoes from? What’s your earliest memory of buying shoes?”
Ask anything that comes to mind — not trying to write a commercial, just making conversation. And when they say something that suddenly triggers an idea in your head, you immediately say, “Well, gotta go!”
Half of My Shoe Wardrobe, Caught In A Tornado
For 15 years I wrote a radio comedy service, and my friends always knew when I was on deadline and stuck for ideas…because that’s when I’d call them up. “Hey, how’s it going?”
We’d starting chatting about this and that, bantering back & forth, and as soon as I ad libbed something funny that I could use in my comedy service, I’d end the conversation. “Talk to you next month….”
LEAP OF FAITH RADIO PRODUCTION with Bobby Ocean
It seems that radio has been in my destiny.
Of all the media blaring across America at the time of my mid-teens —
magazines & books, movies, music recordings, and I was enamoured
of them all — it was radio that most tweaked my imagination and inspired
my motivation. This was the only choice that offered me the infinite treat
of playing within another person’s limitless imagination.
You could see shortcomings accepted by film makers because of budget
restrictions on the TV and in movies. If the script said, “…a man is
sitting under a tree when the guy in the white hat walks by…”, the
film maker needed a budget. The video must be able to project a tree,
two guys, a white hat, enough apace for one of the guys to walk by. So
they need to come up with enough money to purchase or rent that.
Further, the more money spent, the more likely to create dissatisfaction
and boredom. Though it might not be the kind of tree everyone might
agree on, the crew has to have one so there it is. What’s more, if the
producer spent a lot of money on the set, the camera would often be
required to dwell there too long.
Then, film makers have to decide which ambiance to show, even though
it may not have been mentioned; what time of day, weather, mood, etc.
More budget. More limitations.
Ah, but not so for radio!
For that sound in your head that instantly dances with Creation, radio, the
narrator simply reads the script. All the ingredients and actors in the scene,
and the money they would cost, are supplied by the listener (talk about cost-
cutting!) at the instant the words reach their brain. No budget restrictions,
no imagination cost-cuts, no one left unsatisfied. Ooh, baby.
But the big pay off for me wasn’t the money saved during production, it
was the “unlimited expense account” of the listeners’ endlessly
creative minds. If I wanted dinosaurs in my promo (and this was before
CGI, which is still expensive today) I could have them. For free, or a
simple sound effect. If I wanted time travel, Weapons with titanium
trim, diamond-studded epaulets on a character’s shirt — no problem,
cost is not an obstacle.
In my early days of radio, I found and recognized these as miraculous
tools with which to demonstrate complete and total mastery of the
universe, and think they still are. Conveniently tucked right inside.
Today, In our lives we constantly seek some sort of control, so that we
won’t have to do without, or suffer. I found out something important
about that, too. Where to look.
Throughout life, as in radio from top to bottom, the answers are NOT
“out there” (the X-Files held only QUESTIONS). We must look just INSIDE,
and right before imagination takes hold.
It takes commitment and a little more practice but isn’t that the fun?
A loyal reader writes:
“When I first arrived in this market nine years ago, the only gig I could find was weekend overnights. I gladly took it to get my foot in the door. The morning guy was an industry veteran, very well known for garnering substantial numbers. The times I filled in for other people and ran into the morning man, he treated me like something he had dragged in on his shoe. Very rude, very condescending.
“Now, nine years later, I’m the Operations Manager of a different station. I have an extremely rare full-time opening on my staff. Guess who’s applied for it?
“It’s a situation as old as radio itself, but you CANNOT be rude or snotty to ANYONE in this business. The person who’s doing the garbage shift may be the person you’ll be sending an aircheck and resume to in a few years!”
Years ago I received a similar report from Jay Meyers, as I recounted in my book, PERSONALITY RADIO:
“In 1975 I was a novice jock, looking for work. I called up this program director at a small station in Chester, Pennsylvania. He said, ‘Yeah, I have a weekend opening. Meet me at the station at 10:00 on Saturday morning.’
“It was about an hour-and-a-half drive for me. I got there at 10:00 and waited. 10:15…10:30….Finally he arrived at 10:45. One of the jocks there said, ‘This guy is here to see you.’
“The PD looked at me blankly and said, ‘What do you want?’ I said, ‘I’m Jay Meyers, and you told me to come at 10:00 this morning for an interview.’
“He said, ‘Oh, I changed my mind. I can’t see you now.’ And he walked away.
“Years passed. I ended up as Program Director at WFIL/Philadelphia in 1983. My second day on the job I got this 12-page resume and letter: ‘I’m this long-time Philadelphia air personality, I hear you may be going oldies, and I want to be involved in it, I’d be great for you, etc.’
“I read through the resume, and when I came to the part where it said, ‘1975: Program Director, WEEX/Chester,’ it suddenly clicked. It was the very same guy!
“I wrote him a letter that said, ‘In 1975, when you were program director at WEEX and I was just a beginning jock, you had me drive out to your station to meet you, but when I got there you wouldn’t give me the time of day.
“‘Well, guess what!’
“And I put it in an envelope with his resume and mailed the entire package back to him.
“So sometimes it’s true: What goes around comes around.”
