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Time for another look at award winning radio commercials — spotlighting the good and the bad from the  2007 Radio Mercury Awards.

Radio advertising for American cable TV companies consistency matches their standard level of customer service: terrible.

radio advertising graphicWith this Mercury Award finalist, Comcast upholds that tradition.

The story is about the announcer trying to talk while the horns repeatedly interrupt with a fanfare. That’s the only thing the listener pictures: the announcer being interrupted by the horns.

It has nothing at all to do with what’s being sold. They could have used that exact same set-up to try to sell (or, more accurately, fail to sell) anything.

Also, the very first time he was interrupted by the horns, were you surprised that he kept being interrupted? Odds are you knew exactly what the big “joke” was going to be. The joke wasn’t even funny because it was so obvious and trite, and they told a story that had nothing at all to do with what they were selling.

What a brilliant strategy: devoting all that commercial time to stuff they weren’t selling.

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HOW TO DESTROY A RADIO DJ’S SELF ESTEEM

radio broadcasting graphic

Illustration © 2009 by Bobby Ocean

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IF YOU’VE EVER WANTED TO WRITE TV SITCOMS…

tv sitcom writing graphicEach year Ken Levine and I produce a unique event called The Sitcom Room.

For two days, 20 lucky people come to Hollywood to experience what it’s really like to be a TV sitcom writer.

In this recording of a live webcast we did a few days ago, we pull back the curtain to give you the inside story with an insider’s perspective on what it’s like to be…inside.

Also, we deftly dodge repeated attacks on us for charging such an outrageously high tuition.

By incredible coincidence, registration for Sitcom Room 2009 opens Monday at 9:00AM Pacific (Noon Eastern).

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May, 1995 (continued): From Weimar, Germany, I had to travel to Berlin. Rather than drive the hour back to Leipzig, fly an hour to Frankfurt, and then change planes and fly another hour to Berlin, I had the bright idea of taking a 4-hour train ride from Weimar to Berlin.

As I arrived at the train station, I noticed scores of police officers, outfitted in riot gear.

“Gee,”  I thought, “my departure must be a big event here.”

It turned out that a soccer match had just been played in Weimar, and 150 visiting fans were returning to their homes in Berlin. Almost exclusively young men, many of them bearing (and baring, as they went shirtless so people could view them) many tattoos. A number of whom definitely would be classified as “skinheads.”

They had just attended a soccer match, where their emotions had run wild. It was a hot day, so they had consumed (and continued to consume) a lot of beer.

And their team had lost.

And they were to be my companions on the four-hour train ride.

I asked Andy Schneider, who drove me to the train station, if I should be concerned about this. No, he replied. Because there was a police officer for every fan, and the police would be traveling on the train, too.

Also, he said, I’d be in the First Class compartment, and the soccer fans would not.

(By the way, while waiting to board the train, I learned about a quaint custom of loud, drunken young German males: howling at the sight of a woman. They howled {like a wolf} at every woman they saw — including the riot gear-clad female police officers.)

So I got on the train, made my way to a First Class compartment in a non-smoking car, stowed my luggage, and sat down. An attractive woman in her 30s was the only other passenger there.

For about 2 minutes.

Then five skinheads spilled into our compartment. They were rather boisterous and, at first, amused themselves by teasing the female passenger — primarily by pretending to grab her purse and by making various comments in German (which I didn’t understand literally but the substance of which I could guess at).

I sat and watched, trying to figure out what to do about this situation. And then one of them — “the ringleader” — lit a cigarette.

Now, harassing a defenseless woman is one thing.  But lighting up in front of me in a non-smoking car is something altogether different. I immediately stood up, approached the smoker, pointed to his cigarette, smiled slightly and in a firm voice said — depleting fully half of my German vocabulary —  “Bitte…Nein.” (Please….No.)

The ringleader looked at me in shock, calculated his response…and then shrugged and extinguished the cigarette. And they stopped teasing the woman. They remained in our compartment for the 4-hour journey; I suspect the train was sold out. Although they remained high spirited, they didn’t bother either of us again.

This group’s make-up seemed to be modeled on “juvenile delinquent” movies of the 1950s: There was The Ringleader…The Sullen Guy…The Dumb Guy Who Would Do Whatever The Ringleader Told Him To Do…The Fat Guy Who Would Do Anything To Be Accepted By The Others…and The Sensitive Guy Who Knows He Really Doesn’t Belong With The Others.

Upon arriving in Berlin, I managed to gather up all of my belongings (suitcase, computer, tote bag of audio tapes, etc.) and stumble off the train. Just as it pulled away, about a dozen young German men stuck their heads out the windows and yelled at me, “Yankee go home!”

I’m pretty sure they meant it as a joke.

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radio commercials graphic
This is a tale of someone who gets it…and a company that doesn’t.

Zed Williamson of Clear Channel/New Orleans sent me a nice message:

I was showing someone in the office how effective your email subject lines are at getting someone to at least open the message.

The subject lines are worth it by themselves.

I walked past a sales rep as he was typing an email. The title was “Advertising Package.” Or, in other words, “Hey, I want you to give me money for something I’m sending to every person on the planet with no specific design for it to be effective for you.”

It turns out that this client refuses human contact by phone or by person and requires everything by email.

I personally believe they would not have opened that email, so we changed it to:

“This may not make sense for you…”

The client opened. And bought.

Why I am writing about email marketing?

Because the “Subject” line of an email is the equivalent of the opening line of a radio commercial. It’s your one chance to capture the attention of your target audience.

In a radio spot, the opening line is the commercial for the commercial. In an email, the Subject is the commercial for the email.

Today I received an email from a company that doesn’t quite understand:

radio commercials graphic

Holy cow! It’s here! I can customize a newsletter from some company whose list I’m on but who I don’t quite remember exactly who they are or  what it is they do!

I guarantee their “open rate” could be greatly improved by a better Subject line.

Are you a radio advertising person? Do you agree that Subject line is embarrassingly bad?

If so, I assume you now will go back and rewrite every commercial that begins with “It’s that time of year again” or “(CLIENT) proudly announces….”

Right?

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