DAN O’DAY TALKS ABOUT RADIO

Illustration © 2010 by Bobby Ocean

Best-selling author and Eastman Kodak Company’s “celebrity CMO” Jeffrey Hayzlett insisted on recording this flattering endorsement of my blog.

It’s a bit embarrassing for me, but I guess I just need to learn to accept praise gracefully.

April, 1996 (continued):

The second stop on my whirlwind European tour — 11 seminars in 8 cities and 5 countries in 13 days —was Frankfurt, Germany.

I arrived at the Frankfurt Airport Sheraton Hotel (which is literally adjacent to the airport) on Saturday night, checked in, took out my computer, and — congratulating myself on how organized I was — plugged it into the A/C outlet with the special adaptor I had brought with me.

Without an adaptor, you can forget about inserting an American plug into a European outlet. Then I dutifully downloaded my waiting e-mail from CompuServe. (This was, after all, 1996…)

The next morning, I checked out of the hotel and Hans-Dieter Hillmoth picked me and drove us over to FFH, with whose promotion and production staffs I spent the day working out the details of a big station promotion idea.

At the end of the day, shortly before I was to return to the airport to continue my travels, I decided to check for any new e-mail. I opened up my computer case, removed my Powerbook, took out the A/C plug…but could not find the adaptor.

I searched all through my computer case and my tote bag (in which I keep a ready supply of aspirin; Dramamine; various medications to protect me from the ravages of any type of foreign germ or virus that might unexpectedly attack my respiratory, digestive or intestinal functions; scissors; pens; and electrical extension cord). It wasn’t there.

The most logical explanation was that when I unplugged the computer that morning in my hotel room, I inadvertently left the adaptor (but not the A/C plug itself) in the electrical socket.

From FFH, I called the hotel and asked the front desk to send someone up to my (now vacated) room and see if that’s where the adaptor was. After a few minutes on hold, I was told my hunch was right; a bellman had found and retrieved it for me.

By now, however, it was time for me to return to the airport; my flight would leave shortly. Hans-Dieter suggested that after we reach the airport I go ahead and check in for my flight while he hurried next door to the hotel to collect my adaptor.

(Again, this was 1996 — long before major airports routinely sold electrical adaptors for international travelers).

I rushed into the terminal, checked in for my flight, and began looking for Hans-Dieter; the flight would leave in just a few minutes, and I still had to go through security and get to the boarding area.

Right on cue, Hans-Dieter appeared, adaptor in hand. I pocketed the wayward device, thanked him profusely, then hustled off to catch my flight to Finland.

A few hours later I was in my new hotel room in Helsinki, where I set up my Powerbook on the desk, unfurled the electrical plug…and could not find the adaptor. The last time I had seen it was at the airport in Frankfurt, when it went from Hans-Dieter’s hand to mine to my pocket. It wasn’t there now.

I never found it.

And, come to think of it, I never happened to mention to Hans-Dieter that I lost it again.

Next installment: Why I should live in Finland.

I like Randy Michaels.

According to Robert Feder, Randy recently issued a memo to WGN Radio staffers. The goal: to stamp out “newspeak” on that News/Talk station.

Feder’s publishing of the memo wasn’t meant as a compliment, and I can’t say I agree with every piece of it. But since when do I insist upon agreeing with everything someone says? I do agree with with the substance.

If it’s true that Randy wants people to inform on their co-workers for committing linguistic infractions — Well, that’s difficult for me to defend.

The obvious reason is it can’t help but create a culture of suspicion and resentment.

(Unless Randy secretly expects staff members to be so outraged that it actually encourages a greater sense of being a team, as everyone bands together against Big Management. Randy’s smart enough to do that, too. But I kinda doubt that’s the case here.)

An equally important reason is that the task of enforcing station guidelines should be that of the Program Director or News Director.

And as I further explore this, a suspicion dawns that the “bingo cards” are a dramatic, playful way of making his point…But that they won’t actually be used to punish infractors.

Here’s the list of words and phrases that reportedly have been banned from the WGN airwaves.

• “Flee” meaning “run away”
• “Good” or “bad” news
• “Laud” meaning “praise”
• “Seek” meaning “look for”
• “Some” meaning “about”
• “Two to one margin” . . . “Two to one” is a ratio, not a margin. A margin is measured in points. It’s not a ratio.
• “Yesterday” in a lead sentence
• “Youth” meaning “child”
• 5 a.m. in the morning
• After the break
• After these commercial messages
• Aftermath
• All of you
• Allegations
• Alleged
• Area residents
• As expected
• At risk
• At this point in time
• Authorities
• Auto accident
• Bare naked
• Behind bars
• Behind closed doors
• Behind the podium (you mean lecturn) [sic]
• Best kept secret
• Campaign trail
• Clash with police
• Close proximity
• Complete surprise
• Completely destroyed, completely abolished, completely finished or any other completely redundant use
• Death toll
• Definitely possible
• Diva
• Down in (location)
• Down there
• Dubbaya when you mean double you
• Everybody (when referring to the audience)
• Eye Rack or Eye Ran
• False pretenses
• Famed
• Fatal death
• Fled on foot
• Folks
• Giving 110%
• Going forward
• Gunman, especially lone gunman
• Guys
• Hunnert when you mean hundred
• Icon
• In a surprise move
• In harm’s way
• In other news
• In the wake of (unless it’s a boating story)
• Incarcerated
• Informed sources say . . .
• Killing spree
• Legendary
• Lend a helping hand
• Literally
• Lucky to be alive
• Manhunt
• Marred
• Medical hospital
• Mother of all (anything)
• Motorist
• Mute point. (It’s moot point, but don’t say that either)
• Near miss
• No brainer
• Officials
• Our top story tonight
• Out in (location)
• Out there
• Over in
• Pedestrian
• Perfect storm
• Perished
• Perpetrator
• Plagued
• Really
• Reeling
• Reportedly
• Seek
• Senseless murder
• Shots rang out
• Shower activity
• Sketchy details
• Some (meaning about)
• Some of you
• Sources say . . .
• Speaking out
• Stay tuned
• The fact of the matter
• Those of you
• Thus
• Time for a break
• To be fair
• Torrential rain
• Touch base
• Under fire
• Under siege
• Underwent surgery
• Undisclosed
• Undocumented alien
• Unrest
• Untimely death
• Up in (location)
• Up there
• Utilize (you mean use)
• Vehicle
• We’ll be right back
• Welcome back
• Welcome back everybody
• We’ll be back
• Went terribly wrong
• We’re back
• White stuff
• World class
• You folks

Observation

Many of the angry reactions to that list amount to, “Why doesn’t the CEO of the company have anything better/bigger to concern himself with?”

Personally, I find it refreshing that a CEO actually cares and knows about his company’s product.

More Observations

Although I expect most readers to be outraged by that list, I agree with many of those examples of “newspeak.”

Why say “flee” when listeners would say “run away”?

“Laud” may be good in print, but it’s wrong for radio…because real people never speak that word (except when playing word games).

Anyone who says “5 a.m. in the morning” should be banned from broadcasting. Or from speaking anywhere, publicly or privately.

“After the break” — We call it a “break.” Listeners don’t. Speaking a language other than the one your listeners use is…well, dumb.

“At this point in time” — Uh, y’mean “now”?

“Behind the podium” — A podium is something you stand on. A lectern is something you might stand behind. Unfortunately, so many people have misused “podium” that a secondary definition has begun to creep into newer dictionaries, imbuing the erroneous usage with a degree of legitimacy.

“Down in (location)” — Common as that is, it’s really stupid…especially when applied to southern portions of your listening area. If a Los Angeles radio announce refers to listeners “down in Long Beach,” to those listeners they’re not “down in” Long Beach. They’re in Long Beach. It only accentuates the geographic and psychological distance between the announcers and the listeners.

“Fatal death” — Someone has said that on WGN? More than once? What authority figure gave that person the opportunity to say it twice?

“Fled on foot” — Y’mean, “ran away”?

“In other news” — It’s a newscast. Of course the next story will be about “news.” It’s the News equivalent of the classical music announcer who says, “Coming up, music from Beethoven.”

“Literally” — Nothing wrong with using that word, unless you’re using it improperly. For decades the L.A. Times employed a music critic whose lack of writing skills matched his lack of musical knowledge. He’d write about how a record “literally sizzles on the turnable” and how a musical act “literally stole the show.”

“Senseless murder” — versus all those logical murders.

“Shower activity” — Let me guess: You mean rain?

“Untimely death” — One of my pet peeves, most often encountered when I accidentally walk past a television broadcasting a newscast. What are “timely” deaths? (“And in other news, Big Celebrity died at just the right time today…”)

“Up in (location)” — See “Down in (location).”

“Utilize” — Okay, you think I’m being picky. But how often do you hear this in Real Life:

“I can’t get this damn thing open.”

“Why don’t you utilize the monkey wrench?”

Another Observation

There are times when you must say “alleged.” Randy’s gotta know that.