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April, 1996 (continued): I was in Finland (for the first time) to spend a couple of days working with programmers from the national radio station, YLE.

On Monday morning, Arto Veräjankorva (Head of Radio Program Development) picked me up for the hour’s drive to our meeting site.

For my first day, it was a great introduction to Finland’s physical beauty. The temperature was a comfortable 50°, the sun was shining, and there was lots of snow on the ground. The drive took us past plenty of forest area, and the fresh air felt great.

On the way, we stopped for a cup of coffee (Arto ordered coffee; I, of course, had Diet Coke) at a restaurant perched on the bay. As we sat and looked out upon the frozen bay, I saw one of the most memorable sights I’ve ever encountered:

Way out on the ice — perhaps 300 yards away from the shoreline — stood a single, lonely bicycle resting on its kickstand. There was no one and nothing else near it; just the parked bike. (Arto guessed it might belong to an ice fisherman.)

That day’s seminar, attended by a couple of dozen of YLE’s programmers from across the country, was held at a country retreat called “Haukilammen Toimintakeskus.”

The proprietor eyed me as something of a novelty, telling me, “You’re probably the first American ever to have been here.”

Finns have a reputation for not being overly talkative, and that image is pretty accurate.

That doesn’t mean they are unsociable. They just don’t believe in talking when they have nothing particular to say.

As one who experiences “small talk” as a foreign language I never could hope to master, I find this trait to be highly appealing.

During our drive to the countryside, for example, there were long stretches where neither of us had anything to say, so we didn’t say anything. No awkwardness, no discomfort, just enjoying the scenery and our own private thoughts.

(Arto told me that when it comes time for marriage, a Finn looks for someone with whom he can be silent for the rest of his life.)

Once inside the meeting room, prior to beginning the seminar, perhaps a dozen of the attendees individually came up to me, introduced themselves, and welcomed me to Finland.

In all of my travels over the previous decade, this was the first time that happened.

Usually a couple of people will introduce themselves during a break or after the seminar, but for so many individuals to take it upon themselves to welcome me before I had officially been introduced to them was, I thought, remarkably thoughtful.

Lunch consisted of meatloaf, boiled potatoes, mixed vegetables, and hot blueberry soup. I had never before heard of blueberry soup, much less tasted it; it was quite nice.

But my Finnish adventures had just begun…

Next Installment: A Helsinki Westside Story…

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90 SECONDS OF WORTHLESS RADIO NEWS, EVERY HOUR

radio programming

A Loyal Reader Writes:

“I work in a small market as an afternoon jock, and I have a question regarding news. Our radio station does 90-second updates at the top of the hour, and the content is mostly rip & read national news with very little local.

“As a jock who busts my ass to be plugged into the community, it is frustrating to have to stop my show once an hour for seemingly irrelevant news about a car accident that happened across the country. It is especially frustrating when this news from afar is used when good local news never finds its way to the airwaves.

“I’ve been told by management that it’s not my place to complain, because I’m just a jock. How would you handle this?”

When I was a jock, I would’ve handled it by complaining to the program director and the general manager and the news director.

The only thing that would’ve accomplished would be to alienate some or all of them and brand myself as a “troublemaker.”

It would not have helped the radio station, my show, or my listeners.

How would I handle it today? After having shared my thoughts once with management, I would agree with them: It’s not my place to complain; I’m just a jock.

And I’d refocus my energies on the aspects of my radio show that I do have control over.

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APRIL FOOL’S RADIO PROMO

radio april fool promo

Jeff Laurence

Jeff Laurence produced this spot….

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I don’t know who “invented” song parodies. I’m sure they were around during Vaudeville, and I’ll wager they existed centuries earlier.

song parodies

Alan Sherman is recognized by many contemporary song satirists as the father of the current art form.

But it was a song parody that launched the types of nationally produced comedy services that prevail today.

In the early 1980s, Katz Broadcasting put together a team — led by Andy Goodman and The Real Bob James — to create produced comedy features for the five Katz stations across the country.

This small company-within-a-company was dubbed “American Comedy Network,” and they insisted they had no intention of offering the service to non-Katz stations.

From the very beginning, I suspected that’s exactly what they planned to do. But regardless of their intent, American Comedy Network was changed irrevocably by an integral component of the American communications revolution of the 1980s: the break-up of the telephone company.

In case you’ve already forgotten (or are too young even to remember), the relationship between consumers and “the telephone company” used to be much different than it is today.

For one thing, that’s what it used to be: “The Telephone Company.” No one had to ask “which one,” because you had no choice.

For most of the country, if you had a telephone in your home or office, you were a customer of Bell Telephone — also known as “Ma Bell” — whether you wanted to deal with Bell or not.

Ma Bell provided your local phone service. Ma Bell provided your long distance service.

And I’ll bet you almost forgot this part — Ma Bell provided the actual telephones you used. You didn’t own a telephone; you rented one from Ma Bell…paying for it each and every month, forever.

For the lowest monthly rate, you got an ugly black, rotary telephone. For a couple of dollars more, you could get a touch tone model. Or one in a color other than black — but you had to pay extra.

And then the telephone industry was deregulated. Suddenly, consumers were told they could choose from among a number of long distance carriers.

And no longer did they have to rent a telephone from Ma Bell at exorbitant rates; they could go out, buy their own telephone, and plug it into the wall.

Naturally, consumers all over the country responded to the news of their liberation the same way:

They were outraged.

To quote Kris Kristofferson — although as I recall, his song wasn’t really about the phone company — American consumers as a group longed for “the freedom of their chains.”

Sure, as a monopoly Ma Bell made huge profits. Sure, the company treated its captive customers with disdain. Sure, their newly emerging competitors — like Sprint and MCI — were offering consumers a chance to save money on long distance calls.

But we felt safe with Ma Bell, benevolent dictator though she was.

People didn’t want to have go out and buy a telephone — especially because Ma Bell’s advertising campaign at the time did its best to scare us into thinking that if we didn’t use one of their telephones, we’d forever find ourselves talking into dead transceivers and, probably, our houses would catch fire, too.

Also, in the mid-1980s, the “alternative” long distance services offered real savings but provided genuinely inferior sound quality.

One of the pervasive problems was “skipping” — that second-and-a- half delay while the signal went from the earthbound transmitter to the satellite and then back earth— which consumers experienced as an annoying “echo” effect, not infrequently hearing their own voices through the receiver as they spoke.

Believe me, people were upset.

And — with perfect timing — ACN recorded a song parody, to the tune of Neil Sedaka’s “Breaking Up Is Hard To Do.”

Now that you know the history of this song (and of the American telephone system), here’s the parody version:

As I recall, the piece was written by The Real Bob James, Andy Goodman, and David Lawrence; the overall music production was done by Bob Rivers.

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I’ve just reopened membership to our Radio Advertising Advantage private member site.

I’ve made a special (very short) video describing just some of the stuff you’ll receive if you join us —

— plus a special offer that I hope you’ll find irresistible.

The video (and the answers to all your questions) are here:

Thanks,
Dan O’Day

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