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FOUR DUMB THINGS YOUR RADIO AIR STAFF CAN AVOID DOING

Radio programming radio personality

Speaking but saying nothing

“Good Friday morning to you!”

Who in the real world ever tells you what day it is while saying hello?

Promoting your departure

“I’m Ed Jock, and I’ll be here with you until 3 o’clock today….”

If the first words out of your mouth are the time you’ll be leaving, that must be because you have nothing more exciting to promote that day.

Which begs the question, “Why did you bother to show up today?”

For too many jocks, the most dramatic part of their show is the periodic “countdown to my departure.”

Traffic reports that tell listeners the problem, then the location

This is Radio 101, yet I hear it daily here in Los Angeles:

“A five-car collision has closed two lanes and slowed traffic for several miles starting at the Cahuenga Boulevard Exit of the 101 Freeway….”

And the listener who is driving along the 101 Freeway says, “Huh? What’s that about the 101?”

First identify the location of the traffic incident, then identify the problem.

Opening the mic without knowing what you plan to accomplish during that break

I’m not suggesting you should script out every word you’ll say. But a true radio professional knows exactly what he plans to accomplish before he opens the mic.

Sadly, the majority of the radio world opens the mic and then thinks, “Well, now what??”

If you simply reverse that two-step process — first figure out what you want to accomplish and then open the mic — you’ll be amazed at how much better your program is.

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This is what happens when:

1. The advertiser wants to write their own copy.

2. The major market radio station doesn’t care (or know) enough to say, “No, you’ll be wasting your money.”

A few comments on that radio commercial….

* The fact that they’re “family owned” doesn’t make any prospective car buyer want to buy a vehicle from the advertiser.

* “For over 34 years” — ??? Okay, this is a parody, right?

* “Experience the Timmons touch” — Meaning…uh…um…Well, it’s alliterative…

* “At Timmons of Long Beach, you have a family member in the car business” — Well, if you’re a member of the Timmons family, you do. Otherwise, that’s just plain stupid. Every automobile dealership is owned by someone with family members. But if they’re not our family members, it’s hardly an advantage to us as customers.

* The only memorable part of that radio advertisement is the jingle. Memorable…but almost worthless, because the jingle doesn’t tie who “Timmons of Long Beach” is to what “Timmons of Long Beach” does. That jingle could be for a car dealer, a restaurant, a bait & tackle shop, a vasectomy clinic…Anything.

The jingle’s only value would appear when someone familiar with it happens to drive past the car dealership, see the sign and think, “Oh, so that’s what they’re talking about.” There’d be a tiny bit of name recognition. Not enough to justify the cost of the jingle production or the air time, though.

“I tried radio…and it didn’t work.” (Sigh)

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Unsafe Holidays Gifts, Courtesy of Gilbert Gnarley

This is from 2003; hence the no-longer-quite-so-topical references.

Gilbert Gnarley, of course, is one of Gary Burbank’s many alter egos.

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One of my favorite, long-out-of-print books is Maxwell Sackheim’s MY FIRST 65 YEARS IN ADVERTISING. In it, Sackheim said:

People go through life with their minds only half turned on, except when they’re promised an adequate reward for their full attention…. There are four ‘why’s’ to be remembered in and answered in each copywriting job:

1.  Why should anyone listen to it?

2.  Why should anyone believe it?

3.  Why should anyone do anything about it?

4.  Why should it be acted upon immediately?

Does every one of your commercials answer those four questions?

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HOW THEY DO RADIO IN THE MAJOR MARKETS

Heard a few days ago on the oldies station in the city where I live…

During their nightly 70s At 7 program.

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