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AVERY SCHREIBER, IMPROVISATIONAL GENIUS

Burns and SchreiberAll those times I saw Burns & Schreiber on The Hollywood Palace and The Ed Sullivan Show, it never occurred to me that one day I might actually be friends with Avery Schreiber.

Well, it would be more accurate to say “know Avery Schreiber.” We weren’t buddies, but I suspect Avery became friends with everyone he met.

I first met him when Dick Orkin invited Avery to do a mini-workshop at the very first International Radio Creative & Voiceover Summit in 1996.

A few years later Avery agreed to conduct another workshop at my Morning Show War College.

Avery could create reality out of…air. He sat on a folding chair and asked, “Okay, so whom am I?”

“A truck driver,” said one of the morning jocks.

Bam! We saw that truck. Felt it vibrate, felt the road, felt the gears grinding.

Avery was magical. He also was perhaps the gentlest person I’ve ever met.

Sometime between the Summit and the War College, Avery added me to his list of email friends. I’m guessing it was a long list. He’d send funny stuff to this list of friends. Unlike almost everything else one receives under the guise of “funny email,” it always was funny.

And it always had heart.

It must’ve been when I called him up to ask if he’d speak at the War College that he told me a joke over the phone. In a half-whisper, as a small child. The joke sounded dirty until he got to the punchline, when it turned out to be as innocent as a small child.

Once I bumped into him at a Writer’s Guild screening. We sat next to each other. “I’m watching a movie with Avery Schreiber,” I marveled.

Averyimp, I miss your emails. And your talent. And the world sorely misses your heart.

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radio show prep tips, Gary Burbank, Greaseman, Dan O'Day, Ross BrittainRadio show prep tips from The Greaseman, Ross Brittain, Gary Burbank, Dan O’Day.

Recorded at my Air Personality Plus+ seminar in Charlotte, North Carolina, 1991.

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February, 1997: The Oklahoma Association of Broadcasters brought me to Tulsa to present two sessions at their annual convention: The Psychology Of Management and Real Life + Radio = 100% Local Every Day.

As you might know, I also conduct Customer Service seminars (both for radio stations and for their advertisers). The Warren Place Doubletree hotel offered a case study of managers who truly want to please their customers but do not have an adequately trained staff.

After checking in, I went directly to my room on the 5th floor…only to discover the card-key they gave me didn’t work. While I was fumbling with it, wondering if I was just too dumb to use it properly, another newly arrived guest tried to get into his room, next door to mine; his key didn’t work, either.

So I left my bags in front of my door, walked down the hall, and picked up a house phone. It rang 50 times or so, and then the operator connected me to the front desk.

I explained that my key didn’t work, and the desk clerk responded, “You’ll have to have a picture I.D. to get in the room. When the guy gets there with the new key, you have to have a picture I.D.” (Note that he did not apologize, express surprise and/or regret, or offer any explanation. Obviously this was not an uncommon experience for newly arrived guests, and it certainly didn’t bother him.)

When I finally got inside my room, I called the hotel manager to complain — not about the key that didn’t work but, rather, about the fact that this seems to happen a lot and that the front desk employees couldn’t care less. The manager listened and apologized; I thanked him for hearing me out.

After unpacking, I went outside for a long walk. (There’s a small park behind the hotel). When I returned to the room, I discovered waiting for me a bottle of wine and some fruit & cheese.

Voila! The hotel manager had demonstrated the sincerity of his regrets, and the earlier incident was forgotten. At least, for the time being…

…until that evening, when I made the mistake of ordering from Room Service. My dinner arrived, as promised, in 45 minutes. But the woman (Nancy) who took my order neglected to tell the kitchen I wanted a bowl of mushroom soup.

My Room Service waiter was very apologetic and said he’d be back with it immediately. Twenty minutes later I called Nancy to ask where my soup (the appetizer) was.

“Oh, I think he just left with it,” she lied.

I asked why I’d been kept waiting so long. Nancy replied, “We’re really busy tonight.” No regret, no apology.

After waiting another 15 minutes, I called the evening manager to complain. It was an hour and 20 minutes after I had placed my order, my dinner was cold, and the soup still was nowhere in sight. The manager gave exactly the correct reply in a situation like this:

“What do you want me to do?” he asked.

I told him to forget the soup, and I would eat my cold dinner. But I wanted him to take the dinner charge off my bill (i.e., off the OAB’s bill). He immediately agreed, but he also insisted upon personally bringing me the soup (as well as my dessert, which Room Service also had messed up).

Clearly those two managers wanted to please their customers. But someone had failed to communicate this desire to the front-line employees who were responsible for virtually all of the hotel’s direct contact with those customers.

Moral: It’s not enough to believe in “Customer Service.” You need to teach it to everyone on your staff.

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TWO PROVOCATIVE RADIO COMMERCIAL HEADLINES

A while ago I taught my Guaranteed 5-Step System For Creating Radio Commercials That Get Results to members of the Hawaii Association of Broadcasters.

Much of this workshop focuses on teaching 20 different, unique styles of commercial “headlines” — the opening lines that determine whether or not the targeted listener will keep listening to the commercial message.

As I teach in this seminar, the opening line of a radio commercial is “the commercial for the commercial.” It is your one chance to attract and hold the attention of your targeted consumer.

Here are two of the headlines the attendees came up with.

One for a anti-smoking campaign: “If you don’t stop smoking, you’re going to start accessorizing: Iron lung, wheelchair….”

And the other for Viagara: “Are you a gigolo with too much low?”

Do your commercials begin in a way that forces your target audience to listen?

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LIVE Q&A ABOUT RADIO ADVERTISING

radio advertising seminarNext week I’ll be conducting a live, Q&A teleseminar devoted to the creation of successful radio advertising.

Free to participate…or just to listen in. (All you need to join us is a telephone.)

You’re invited. You’ll find all the information here.

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