DAN O’DAY TALKS ABOUT RADIO

Here’s the 30-second radio commercial. I challenge you to pay attention to the entire half-minute.

So, what was that spot all about?

Were there any words, phrases or sentences you simply couldn’t decipher?

Did Ford’s ad agency not have the budget to hire an audio engineer?

What expert “advice” did they have for us? We should have our automobile tires’ pressure checked and the tires rotated regularly. And something about the tread.

Wow. That’s worth listening to.

And then some sort of special offer filled with auditory fine print — much of which we can almost understand.

Advertising Solves Problems.

Whose problems were addressed in that advertisement?

What valuable information was shared?

In what way did that…thing…have anything at all to do with the life of even one listener?

How does Ford justify throwing away its stockholders’ money?

How does the ad agency sleep at night, having accepted money to produce crap such as that?

A while I ago I took an alleged advertising “expert” to task for having declared that radio copywriters never should use metaphors in their commercials, because “metaphors don’t work in radio advertising.”

Here’s an example of how effectively a metaphor can be used to communicate the essence of a new and unusual product.

This is from a print ad for Trader Joe’s Salted Caramel Chai Tea Latter Mix, but it’s written so conversationally that it easily could be a radio spot.

“Think of Trader Joe’s Salted Caramel Chai Tea Latter Mix as the liquid form of the salted caramels you love so much. Or, think of it as the slightly salty, sweetly caramel-y form of your favorite tea drink. Better yet, don’t think about it at all. Just drink it.”

Notice how they didn’t talk about the history of Chai Tea.

Nor did they waste  their (and the consumers’) time by poetically describing the texture of caramel.

Rather, they used a couple of simple, easy-to-comprehend metaphors.

The radio industry has a long tradition of hating the competition — especially on the programming side.

Why?

Why, because….They’re the competition! Of course we hate them. They’re a bunch of no-talent jerks.

What other profession is like that?

I’m pretty sure that when a dentist attends a social gathering and discovers another of the party guests also is a dentist, he doesn’t respond by yelling, “You bastard!”

You love radio and you work for Station X (or Cluster X).

Somebody else loves radio and works for Station Y (or Cluster Y).

You despise them for loving the same thing as you?

I don’t get it.

(Actually, I do understand the temptation: Radio ratings are a zero sum game. You’re fighting for the same turf. But there’s a difference between being competitive and being stupid.)

And mark my words: Stick around in this game long enough and one day one of those “bastards” will be in a position to offer you a job…

…perhaps at the very moment that you really need one.

Let’s give the ad agency the benefit of the doubt: Let’s assume the client instructed them, “Create a radio commercial that won’t do us any good in the marketplace but which will make our dealers feel good about themselves.”

Let’s assume the ad agency knows that otherwise this is worthless and did its best to talk the client into doing something other than wasting its advertising dollars.

The spot begins by listing three “firsts” achieved by BMW, thereby leading listeners to assume they now are about to hear about another BMW automotive “first.”

What a letdown. This advertisement isn’t about automotive innovation (and how it can improve the lives of consumers). It’s a bragging message. It has nothing to do with the audience and offers no value to listeners.

Because they have nothing to say other than “look at us!” they say it twice:

“The BMW 3 series is the only car ever to have won Car & Driver’s 10 Best 22 years in a row”

is followed by:

“The legendary BMW 3 series has done it again, winning Car & Driver’s 10 Best award an unprecedented 22 years in a row.”

Yes, presumably someone got paid for writing that.

This radio ad campaign is an embarrassing waste of money that actually does more good for Car & Driver magazine (by publicizing its 10 Best list) than it does for the automobile manufacturer whose name listeners won’t be able to recall 10 minutes later.
   (“Which car was that, the one on the 10 Best list a bunch of years in a row? Mercedes? BMW? Lexus? Volvo?”)

If you’re not sure what the goal of a particular radio commercial is, you look at its Call To Action. The Call To Action tells you what action the advertiser wants the targeted consumer to take.

This spot’s Call To Action?

“For complete details on BMW Ultimate Service, visit (Web address).”

1.  We’ll brag about how many years in a row one of our cars has made a magazine’s Top 10 list.

2.  We’ll brag about it some more.

3.  We’ll tell people to go to our website to learn about our new car service plan.

Uh-huh. That’s gonna happen.