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First, the radio commercial.

Yes, this is a stupid, badly written commercial. But no worse than the typical stupid, badly written radio commercial.

The problem is the advertisement lies…twice.

Lie #1:  “We’re broadcasting live from the ship.”

No, they’re not.

Sure, it’s possible to create such a lame, artificial sounding spot from a cruise ship. But you and I (and they) know this was done in a landlocked recording studio.

Lie #2:  “Today we’re with top cruiser, Kathryn.”

No, they’re not. They’re with a voice actress. Everything she reports is fictional, although she does her best to make it sound like a real person reporting her real experiences.

The Federal Trade Commission would consider this to be a “testimonial,” and as such it’s in violation of their regulations that prohibit faked testimonials.

“But Dan, what about all the dialog spots that feature people who obviously are characters? Are you saying those violate FTC rules, too?”

No. Those aren’t pretending — or, worse, proclaiming themselves — to feature real customers.

There’s nothing wrong with airing radio commercials with fictitious characters and situations. Unless you tell people it’s real, when it’s not.

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THE MAGIC OF SELF-REVELATION FOR RADIO DJs

Almost all radio personalities with successful, long-term careers have this in common:

They reveal something of themselves while on-air.

The more you reveal of yourself, the more you become a human being and not just an “announcer.”

And listeners relate to people much more easily than they do to announcers.

Unfortunately, some radio people have been told by uninformed program directors:

“Never talk about yourself on the air. The audience doesn’t care about you.”

Of course they do.

Your listeners are interested in you — if you share parts of your life with them in an interesting manner.

Some of those same PDs have foolishly instructed their hosts never to say “I.” Instead, they should say “you.”

According to this rule, rather than say, “I was late for work today because I couldn’t find my car keys,” you’re supposed to say, “Have you ever had trouble finding your car keys?”

Ridiculous.

I remember my very first radio job, in the tiny town of Chatham, Virginia. At the end of my first air shift, the PD called me into his office.

I was literally shaking with fright. I was certain he was going to fire me.

What would I do then? I had spent every penny I had to move clear across the country.

How could I face my friends and family, having failed so miserably in my new career?

The PD closed the door and said….

The previous five paragraphs didn’t use the word “you” even once. But the words “I,” “me,” “my” and “mine”  appeared 13 times.

Did that prevent you from being interested? Or in some way did you identify with my predicament?

(By the way, nothing happened then…Because that event didn’t occur. I did move across the country for my first radio job, which was in Chatham. But I wasn’t fired — “laid off” with the rest of the staff — until a month later.)

Or….

(And this story is completely true, so you don’t have to worry about being suckered….)

I remember the very first record I ever bought:  

“Running Scared,” by Roy Orbison.

It cost me 79 cents at the La Salle Music Shoppe in West Hartford, Connecticut.

I still remember taking the shortcut across the cemetery to get there on that chilly Saturday in October.

That’s probably not the most compelling true story you’ve ever heard.

But I wouldn’t be surprised if it triggered some sort of memory from your own experience — the first record you bought, the first record store you ever went to, maybe just some local cemetery in your hometown.

You don’t alienate your listeners by sharing your life with them — not if you do it in an interesting, relatable, compelling manner.

Rather, such details serve as a bridge between your life and theirs.

As a radio listener, if I spend three or four hours with you and at the end of your show haven’t learned anything at all about you, my time has been wasted.

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RADIO ADVERTISING LESSON FROM A BUS STOP BENCH AD

A bus stop bench ad in Los Angeles:

XYZ REAL ESTATE GROUP

We are changing the residential real estate market forever.

ASK HOW!

This is a clumsy adaptation of a classic weight loss marketing campaign:

“I lost 40 pounds on (Product) — Ask How!”

People might ask how you lost 40 pounds.

But absolutely no one (other than a fellow real estate person) ever will ask how you’re changing the residential real estate market.

Whether it’s a sign on a bench at a bus stop or a radio commercial, successful advertising (to paraphrase Claude Hopkins) enters into a conversation the targeted consumer already is having.

Asking people to join a conversation that only you are are interested in having is not a recipe for success.

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radio listener testimonials linersA Loyal Reader Writes:

“A while back you posted some information regarding the use of other voices in association with products as far as what was legal. Do the same rules apply to using other voices for station promotion?

“Example—if someone wrote a letter complimenting the station—can anyone voice that for use on air?

“Along those lines, can stations ‘swap’ audio of listeners complimenting the other station and put their own call letters on the audio to make it theirs?

“I have some real concerns about the ethics of these practices, but wondered if you knew if any of it was actually illegal.”

I proudly remain not a lawyer, and my lifelong abstinence from offering legal advice continues here without interruption.

Having said that….

In the first situation you describe, having someone else voice a real fan letter isn’t a problem…as long as you make it clear it’s being read by someone other than the person who wrote it.

U.S. radio stations that “swap” audio testimonials are sleazy, dishonest, a disgrace to our industry…and almost certainly in violation of Federal Trade Commission regulations.

Any radio station that “swaps” or otherwise acquires faked testimonials (if Station A plays real testimonials for Station B and claims they were for Station A, it’s fake) is admitting, “We can’t find any listeners willing to say nice thing about us.”

In such a case, a change in station program management is desperately needed.

Program directors who employ such pathetic tactics are the radio equivalent of spammers: They just don’t have what it takes to succeed legitimately, so they resort to dishonest, illegal tactics in a pitiful effort to survive.

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Here’s the 30-second radio commercial. I challenge you to pay attention to the entire half-minute.

So, what was that spot all about?

Were there any words, phrases or sentences you simply couldn’t decipher?

Did Ford’s ad agency not have the budget to hire an audio engineer?

What expert “advice” did they have for us? We should have our automobile tires’ pressure checked and the tires rotated regularly. And something about the tread.

Wow. That’s worth listening to.

And then some sort of special offer filled with auditory fine print — much of which we can almost understand.

Advertising Solves Problems.

Whose problems were addressed in that advertisement?

What valuable information was shared?

In what way did that…thing…have anything at all to do with the life of even one listener?

How does Ford justify throwing away its stockholders’ money?

How does the ad agency sleep at night, having accepted money to produce crap such as that?

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