DAN O’DAY TALKS ABOUT RADIO

“Okay, what’s with these reminiscences? Where’s the meaty stuff that teaches us how to achieve bigger ratings, more sales, and immense success?”

Fair question.

Answer: I’m on overload. Spinning so many plates that — Well, when you hear that big crashing sound, you’ll know what it is.

I do have a great treat for any visitors to this blog this coming weekend. And another brutal Monday Commercial Smackdown all ready to go.

Okay, it’s not “ready” ready. But I know what it will be: a commercial for a huge telecommunications company, featuring the ever-popular Mr. & Mrs. Stupid.

But today, a quick story about the dumbest question I’ve ever been asked by a radio station receptionist.

I’m on the air. Hotline rings. Receptionist says, “I’m filling out some forms, and I need to know your middle name.”

“I don’t have a middle name.” (That’s true. My family was so poor my parents couldn’t afford middle names for any of us five kids.)

“Oh, okay.”

Two minutes later, the hotline rings again. “Well then,” she says, “what’s your middle initial?”

One of my favorite on-air moments was when I was a jock in San Francisco. At the time, “Goodbye To Love” by the Carpenters was a hit. That particular song began cold, on the vocal.

As I cued up the record for the 300th time, a quarter-turn to the left, a quarter-turn to the right, the much slower manual speed drastically altered the sound of the Carpenters. In fact, I mused, it kind of sounded like the Righteous Brothers.

Uh-oh. I felt an idea coming on. The kind of idea that makes management nervous but strikes me as funny.

“In just a couple of moments,” I said, leading into a commercial break, “I’ll be playing the world premiere of the brand-new Righteous Brothers record.”

Coming out of commercial, I explained I’d managed to get an advance copy of their newest single, and surprisingly they had recorded the same song that already was a hit for the Carpenters.

“Here, I’ll play it for you. And then you can call in and let me know whose version you prefer.”

And I played the Carpenters’ 45 at 33 1/3 rpm.

I thought maybe people would get a chuckle out of the obvious stunt.

They didn’t chuckle. As soon as the song ended, they called in to vote for the one they thought was better. No one realized I was joking.

The highlight was the caller who said, “You know, at first I thought you were just playing the Carpenters at a slower speed. But when they got to the harmonies, I realized it really was the Righteous Brothers. Nobody can touch their harmonies.”

One of my favorite on-air moments was when I was a jock in San Francisco. At the time, “Goodbye To Love” by the Carpenters was a hit. That particular song began cold, on the vocal.

As I cued up the record for the 300th time, a quarter-turn to the left, a quarter-turn to the right, the much slower manual speed drastically altered the sound of the Carpenters. In fact, I mused, it kind of sounded like the Righteous Brothers.

Uh-oh. I felt an idea coming on. The kind of idea that makes management nervous but strikes me as funny.

“In just a couple of moments,” I said, leading into a commercial break, “I’ll be playing the world premiere of the brand-new Righteous Brothers record.”

Coming out of commercial, I explained I’d managed to get an advance copy of their newest single, and surprisingly they had recorded the same song that already was a hit for the Carpenters.

“Here, I’ll play it for you. And then you can call in and let me know whose version you prefer.”

And I played the Carpenters’ 45 at 33 1/3 rpm.

I thought maybe people would get a chuckle out of the obvious stunt.

They didn’t chuckle. As soon as the song ended, they called in to vote for the one they thought was better. No one realized I was joking.

The highlight was the caller who said, “You know, at first I thought you were just playing the Carpenters at a slower speed. But when they got to the harmonies, I realized it really was the Righteous Brothers. Nobody can touch their harmonies.”