The 2008 International Radio Creative & Production Summit began with From Client Problem to Creative Solution to What You Heard On The Air — analyses of a number of famous and not-so-famous case histories from Dick Orkin’s Famous Radio Ranch.
Here are Dan and Dick, immediately before their session.
“How was your weekend?” — Prefix to a Monday morning request for help, urgently needed due to intense procrastination on the part of the person doing the asking.
Listener — One who stops by to pick up a prize that is nowhere to be found and about which no one knows anything.
No Charge Spot — A radio commercial heard by no one, as compensation for its having been heard by no one earlier.
Payday — A momentary biweekly illusion that one is not financially doomed.
Parade — Something in which one would dearly love to drive the station vehicle, if only one’s spouse had not already made plans that cannot be changed, much to one’s regret.
We just completed the 13th Annual International Radio Creative & Production Summit.
This video clip already has been leaked (not by me) to YouTube: Guest speaker Nancy Wolfson and I, relaxing before the 3-hour voiceover workshop she presented exclusively for our attendees.
I wish this was a deliberate parody of bad writing.
Uh, okay. So the challenge is to compare something to a comparison?
Whatever, it’s utterly impossible to compare.
They spent 12 seconds — 20% of the commercial time — talking gibberish. Not “Wow, this is so cute and fascinating I wonder where this is leading” gibberish. They devoted 12 seconds to “I don’t know what this guy’s babbling about, but I’m outa here” gibberish.
The rest of the commercial is a comparison between the advertiser’s service and “the other guys.’ “ Even though comparisons are impossible.
(I’m pretty sure “that hundred bucks goes four times as far” is what one would call a “comparison.” Probably the confusion is my own fault, though; I neglected to “brace myself” at the beginning of the commercial.)
They begin by declaring no comparison is possible. They conclude with, “Comparison is over.”
Uh-huh.
One of my readers was browsing through Ambrose Bierce’s THE DEVIL’S DICTIONARY and was inspired to create a small glossary for radio people.
But in the interests of keeping his job, he requests anonymity.
With his permission, I’ve adapted, edited and added to his original definitions. Here are the first five; more to come.
“Anything for you, brother.” — Response to a request for help from someone who can fire you.
Copywriter — One charged with the responsibility of translating illegible nonsense into legible nonsense, paying particular attention to retaining the most nonsensical parts of the nonsense.
Discrepency Sheet — A non-existent document of which disc jockeys have no knowledge.
End Date — A day sometime in the past after which the commercial you currently are listening to was not supposed to air.
“Love to, can’t.” — Response to a request for help from anyone who cannot fire you.
