Part Three from Satellite Music Network’s “The History of Radio.”
February, 2004: February usually is overly busy, and this year was no exception. The month started in Dallas, where I presented BUILDING A WINNING MORNING SHOW at PD Grad School. Two weeks later I was in Morgantown, West Virginia, where I conducted WORLD-CLASS RADIO COMEDY for the West Virginia Association of Broadcasters’ convention. (Marilyn Fletcher thereby became an early member of the Three O’Timers Club.)
Later that same week, I returned to Dallas for the Radio Advertising Bureau’s Managing Sales Conference, where I was booked to conduct my commercial copywriting seminar, HOW TO CREATE MAXIMUM IMPACT RADIO ADVERTISING.
This was my first appearance for the RAB, and it was a very impressive event. I couldn’t believe how many different speakers & sessions they had — beginning at 6:00AM (!) and going until 10:00PM, for three days.
Most speakers and seminars were allotted one hour. I doubt if anyone reading this has ever seen me conduct a one-hour seminar; I find it difficult to cram as much information as I want to share into as little as two hours.
Fortunately for me, the RAB selected my session as one of only two long-form presentations, giving me 2 1/2 hours…twice. That is, they asked me to present the same seminar on Friday and again on Saturday.
I didn’t know how this seminar would be received. Although everyone in our industry will quickly agree that, in the long run, commercial radio stations can prosper only by producing commercials that deliver results for their clients, in reality it’s only a minority that will back up that claim by educating the people who create those commercials.
If you examine the “training” budget at 98% of American radio stations, you’ll discover that somewhere between 90% and 100% goes to sales training….and little (if any) to the kind of training that improves the product (i.e., on-air sound and/or commercials).
Meanwhile, every day across North America radio salespeople hear the objection, “I tried radio, and it didn’t work.”
Of course it didn’t work. The salesperson — oops, I mean “marketing consultant” — sold them a spot that said, “For all of your ______ needs, come on down to our convenient location with low prices and huge selection, with our friendly, knowledgeable staff….”
Okay, I’m back on my soapbox. But look around: How qualified is the typical radio station copywriter? How much is he or she paid? How much real, professional-level education is he or she given?
The way to get rich in radio is NOT to sell commercials to lots of clients. It’s to sell lots of commercials over a long period of time to the same clients. Most people know it’s more profitable to keep an existing customer than to land a new one. But too many radio salespeople think their job is over when they land the account.
All of which is why I wondered how interested these hard-bitten, bottom-line oriented, dollars & cents sales managers would react. After all, mine was the only session devoted to “radio creative.” In 1994, that was considered an odd topic for an RAB conference.
I guess it went okay. They’ve invited me back every year since — including for March, 2009 in Orlando.
I arrived in Dallas on a Thursday night and conducted the seminar on both Friday and Saturday mornings. On Saturday evening I attended the big reception and was sitting and chatting lazily with a couple of radio sales managers when I happened to look at my watch: 9:00.
Suddenly, I remembered I was booked on a flight back home at 10:00…and I hadn’t even packed my bags. I jumped up, shouted my goodbyes, ran to my room, and called the Lowe’s Anatole’s bell station.
“I need a taxi downstairs in three minutes to take me to the airport!” I yelled into the phone.
“Oh, don’t worry; there’s always one nearby. Just come on down and I’m sure you’ll have no problem,” replied the bellman.
“No. I don’t want one ‘nearby.’ I want a taxi waiting right outside the the hotel entrance with the car doors open and the engine running.”
Slamming down the phone, I picked up all my “stuff” (books, tapes, notes, seminar materials, dirty laundry) and crammed it into my suitcase, struggled to the elevator, and stumbled out of the hotel into the waiting taxi. I don’t recall for sure, but I probably told the driver, “The airport — and step on it!”
We pulled up to the airport curb, I jumped out, threw some money at the driver, grabbed my bags and ran first to the security check-point and then to my gate.
The gate area was empty. The only person in sight was an airline employee, closing the door to the jetway.
“Wait!” I yelled.
She opened the door. I ran to the plane. As soon as I was aboard, they closed the hatch. As soon as I sat down and fastened my seat belt, we began to taxi prior to take-off.
I believe I stopped perspiring shortly before we landed in L.A.
Today I’m preparing for our annual Sitcom Room, where people get the unique opportunity to find out what it’s like to be part of a TV sitcom writing team. One truism all great comedy writers seem to agree on:
“Never sacrifice a character for a joke.”
No matter how funny the joke, if it doesn’t fit the character, dump the joke.
You can — and should — apply that rule to your radio commercial copywriting: Never sacrifice the commercial for a joke.
The relevant question is not, “Is this joke funny?”
The question to ask is, “Does this joke enhance the impact of the sales message?”
If the answer is no, take it out of that spot and file it away to use some other time in some other message.
Lots of reaction to my first Radio Copywriting video — mostly positive. If you haven’t checked it out, here’s where to find it. (It’s the first of a series of free videos.)
Circuit City is the second largest discount consumer electronics chain in the U.S. This week they filed for bankruptcy.
In an attempt to return to profitability, less than two years ago Circuit City “laid off” (fired; sacked) a few thousand employees whom Circuit City decided were being paid too much. No, not top executives who pulled down huge bonuses and outlandish benefits. These were sales “associates” who were being paid above what management had determined to be the market norm for their positions.
Why were those employees being paid so much? Because they were veteran associates whose tenure and job performance ratings had been rewarded with higher salaries.
In other words, Circuit City decided to save money by firing their best employees. Those employees were told they could reapply for their old jobs at a “a market-based salary” — i.e., for a lot less money.
If you’ve been to a Circuit City since then (I have), you might have noticed the salespeople appeared to know less about their merchandise than you did.
Apparently that strategy didn’t work.
Meanwhile, in the U.S. the same strategy is being applied by Corporate Radio: Save money by firing your highest paid employees. Or by offering to renew their contracts but at greatly reduced salaries.
Before everyone lauds me for criticizing this policy, I should point out that some of these “you’re too expensive” victims had been overpaid all along. They never should have received the outlandish salaries they were given by managers who were unable to differentiate between a show host who was lucky enough to be on a highly rated station and a personality who brought ratings to the station.
But the ones who earned it? Not the ones who just came along for the ride but who brought in the listeners, which translated to ratings, which translated to revenue?
Radio stations that employ intelligent managers conduct a cost/benefit analysis before making such salary cutbacks. Sometimes — I know you hate to hear this, but it’s true — sometimes the reduced revenue from an air shift’s ratings drop is considerably less than the dollar amount of the salary being saved. In other words, sometimes it’s a cold but economically defensible move.
Sometimes, I said. Not usually.
Circuit City thought they were saving money. In reality, they were weakening the consumer experience at their stores. Radio stations that decimate their listener experience should not be surprised when ratings — and revenue — decline further.
