DAN O’DAY TALKS ABOUT RADIO

June, 1996 (continued): Next stop, Kansas City, where Don Hicks had brought me back to the Missouri Broadcasters convention, which presented a special one-day version of my PD Grad School.

I don’t remember very much of this trip, mainly because I was up all night before leaving for the airport in Los Angeles…trying to cope with a suddenly broken laser printer.

Inasmuch as I had not yet printed out my seminar outlines, that was a big problem.

Whenever I tried to print, my computer screen displayed the following message:

“PROBLEM WITH YOUR LASER PRINTER — CONTACT SERVICE DEPARTMENT.”

Of course, even if it weren’t the middle of the night, I probably wouldn’t have been able to reach a human being at the “Service Department.”

They might as well program the computer to say:

“PROBLEM WITH YOUR LASER PRINTER — HERE’S JACK KERVORKIAN’S HOME PHONE NUMBER!”

Somehow (I forget the details, but I seem to recall selling my soul to the devil) I managed to get my notes printed before staggering to the plane.

I spent the day after the MBA session conducting an in-station seminar for Kansas City’s KYYS/WDAF. I had done a seminar for WDAF’s Ted Cramer when he programmed WSM/Nashville; this was my first time working with KYYS’ John Duncan. Shortly thereafter, John was appointed Program Director at KLOS/Los Angeles.

So if you want to become an L.A. PD (not to be confused with the notorious L.A.P.D.), just bring me in to do a seminar for your air staff.

A Loyal Reader Writes:

“Since retiring after 42 years of markets like Chicago, Milwaukee, Detroit, Kansas City, San Antonio, Sacramento and bla,bla,bla…everybody thinks I can solve their ‘BUSINESS BRANDING’ problems!!

“I write song lyrics now (for fun & profit) it’s like writing copy to me, but ‘BRANDING’ a business?? I understand the concept of ‘how to’ with a radio station..but does the same logic apply to a ‘HOME BUILDER’ or a ‘PLUMBING & BATH SUPPLIER’????

“Any help on this question would be appreciated!”

I’m guessing people are asking you to write songs/jingles to “brand” their businesses.

And by “branding” they probably mean “make people remember my name.”

Despite widespread belief to the contrary, that’s not what branding means.

I use two definitions of branding:

1. A brand is a promise.

2. A brand is THE solution to someone’s problem.

Promise

The Apple brand promises cool, fun new ways for technology to make your life more enjoyable.

The Google brand promises innovative, free ways of organizing and accessing the world’s information.

Solution

Dramamine is the solution to (avoiding) the problem of motion sickness.

Viagra is the solution to the problem of…Well, I’m not sure exactly what that’s all about, but apparently it’s a problem that affects some people who do not publish this blog.

So Which Is It?

What is the promise your Home Builder makes…or the problem that Plumbing & Bath Supplier solves?

McDonald's

Fatburger

“Economies of scale.”

“Predictability — the product is the same regardless of the market.”

I’ve long been bemused by people who hold up the McDonald’s restaurant business model as one to be followed by radio stations.

In fact, you’ve probably heard someone — either at a convention or in a boardroom — hold up that model as one for your company to aspire to.

McDonald’s doesn’t make much money when they sell one of those miserable little hamburgers. So to make a lot of money, they’ve got to sell a whole lot of hamburgers.

They don’t offer great taste or a pleasurable dining experience.

They offer “dollar menus.”

“Dollar Menu” = “Cost Per Point Radio.”

If you play that game, whoever charges the least wins.

And when lots of others compete with you on price, you have to resort to promotions that further erode your profits: giving away plastic toys, conducting sweepstakes (which, sadly, occasionally turn out to be rigged), etc.

On the other hand, there’s Fatburger, which I have patronized for 25 years now.

Their burgers are a LOT bigger than McDonald’s.

And a LOT tastier.

And a LOT more expensive.

How much more expensive?

You know what? I don’t even know, because I’m not thinking “price” when I go to Fatburger. I’m thinking “taste” and “satisfaction.”

If your radio station aspires to nothing more than doing what every other radio station does, in the same way that every other radio station does it, you don’t get to charge premium advertising rates.

Instead, you get the pleasure of being bullied by 24-year old media buyers who — to quote Randy Michaels from his legendary PD GRAD SCHOOL presentation — “don’t even know how to operate a radio.”

Strange to see an ad agency get a commercial half-right…