RADIO COMMERCIAL SMACKDOWN: Water Park

Nicole, a radio station account executive, writes:

“I work for a radio station in Indiana and I am a huge fan of yours. I wrote a spot and I would like your honest opinion on it, if you have the time to listen.”

Here’s the commercial.

I tell Nicole:

Your commercial is unlikely to upset your radio station employer nor the client; it sounds like most local radio commercials.

I listened to it just once, but unlike a radio listener I deliberately stopped what I was doing to listen…and the only thing I retain from it is the advertiser’s name.

A commercial should be a conversation with the targeted listener; this was the advertiser talking about the advertiser.

Far too many words, too many bullet points, too many cliches, more than one Call To Action….

I very much appreciate your being a fan of mine. But I have to ask: Have you actually gone through any of my training? I’m guessing you haven’t — and I truly don’t mean that as a criticism. It’s just that that spot contradicts so much of what I teach.

Nicole responds:

I have only been working in radio for 8 months now. I do follow you on Facebook and receive emails from you but have not been able to take a training class. I have no training in radio except for what I have learned from the station.

I offered to critique her commercial on my blog, and Nicole bravely accepted the offer…..

There are far too many words in this commercial. The announcer (I don’t know if it’s you or someone at the radio station) has to rush to fit it all into 60 seconds. It’s impossible for listeners to follow, to keep up with the onslaught of verbiage.

Radio advertising solves problems. Upon repeated listening, it appears that the problem your advertiser, a water park, promises to solve is the impending end of summer. (“You’re not ready for the summer to end.”)

But if you were to ask patrons of this water park why they go there, I doubt they’d say “so summer won’t end.”

Perhaps they’d say “a fun place to take the kids.” Maybe it’s “a way to get the children out of the house and let them burn off some of their inexhaustible energy.”

How can you know for sure why people go there? Ask them.

You name three rides and/or features, none of which means anything to the listener (and one of which I can’t understand despite repeated attempts to decipher the words).

“A year-round explosion of family fun” — “Year-round” is irrelevant. You’re not trying to get people to come to Caribbean Cove throughout the next year. You’re trying to get them to come now, this week, this weekend.

“Only 20 minutes from downtown Indianapolis” probably is a selling point. But “convenient to numerous shopping areas, parks, professional sports facilities, theaters, and much much more” is just plain silly.

(I realize it also undoubtedly is among the bullet points you received from the client. But they shouldn’t be in the radio commercial.)

If there’s so much cool stuff to do at the water park, why do people care if there are shopping areas, parks, etc., nearby?

Unless you’re striving for irony or parody, never say “conveniently located.” Can you honestly say its location is convenient to everyone in your audience? If not, why would you say it is?

You end the radio spot with two Calls To Action — which is one too many. Is the goal of this advertisement to get the targeted listener to visit the website? Or is it to get them to call the water park?

Whichever your one real Call To Action is, why should the listener act on it? “For more information” is not a good enough reason.

I don’t blame Nicole. She’s new to radio and has her hands full learning how to sell.

I wouldn’t be surprised if the radio station that employs her provided her with some form of sales training (books, audio or video recordings, maybe even a live seminar or workshop).

But clearly her employer expects her somehow to “pick up” the ability to craft an effective radio advertising campaign.

Shame on them.