One of my readers was browsing through Ambrose Bierce’s THE DEVIL’S DICTIONARY and was inspired to create a small glossary for radio people.
But in the interests of keeping his job, he requests anonymity.
With his permission, I’ve adapted, edited and added to his original definitions. Here are the first five; more to come.
“Anything for you, brother.” — Response to a request for help from someone who can fire you.
Copywriter — One charged with the responsibility of translating illegible nonsense into legible nonsense, paying particular attention to retaining the most nonsensical parts of the nonsense.
Discrepancy Sheet — A non-existent document of which disc jockeys have no knowledge.
End Date — A day sometime in the past after which the commercial you currently are listening to was not supposed to air.
“Love to, can’t.” — Response to a request for help from anyone who cannot fire you.
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“I’ll see what we can do” means “no”
“I’ll put that on the request list” means “My PD makes me adhere strictly to the log.”
“Hey are you busy right now?” A sales rep ask you this and you’re DEAD MEAT.
“No, we’ve been meaning to paint these walls for years, and the carpet has needed an upgrade for some time,” really means the station is for sale.”
“We’re still waiting for a correct answer to today’s competition” = Nobody’s rung up yet.
Disc Jockey/on air talent: an easily replaceable employee who ‘only talks on the radio’. (As defined by radio executives)
The sales staff member walks gently down the hallway of the red light searching for her/his pray. Watching and waiting for one of the doors ‘red lights’ to turn off.. Once the staff member sees the light turn off it’s her/his time to pounce.
The sales staff member glides down the hallway, at this point the DJ has no natural protection, it’s feeding time. The staff member opens the door and in a high pitch voice says “Hey, (name) how is everything?”. In the DJ’s native language this can only mean one thing… he has to fix an advertisement.