Kathy Lepak ordered my How to Create Maximum Impact Radio Advertising course and subsequently uploaded a couple of commercials for my review.
“I hope they are both good examples of a story, with relevant information, the right music and light humor that you can’t take out of the story without missing the advertiser.”
Kathy has graciously (some would say foolishly) agreed to share my critique of her spot with you here.
Good job of identifying an everyday experience that people can relate to. “The seat belt warning light” won’t go out, even though her seat belt is buckled.
Covering the light with duct tape is a funny exaggeration of the character’s response to a common, minor annoyance that most listeners have experienced. (If not the seat belt light, another warning light.)
I’d recommend that you guys work more on not sounding like announcers.
The voices also need better balancing; they don’t sound as though they’re part of the same conversation. You’re working on-mic, as though the person you’re talking to is right next to you. Your partner, on the other hand, is indicating that he’s a distance from you and needs to raise his voice to get your attention.
You’ve succeeded in “intersecting common human experience” (as I teach in my course). Your next step is to work on having the audience feel as though they’re witnessing a real human interaction.
