First, the radio commercial….
That’s a mediocre direct response commercial that probably gets some results…but not as much as it could.
The single biggest problem: Sloppy direction results in the audience’s inability to understand the name of the product being advertised.
Can you understand what the woman says at :10 of the spot?
I’ve listened to it repeatedly. I still can’t be sure, but I think she says, “And I called to try a sample…” (What I actually hear is, “And I called the tri-sample” — but because that doesn’t make sense, my brain has worked overtime to guess at what was lost in translation.)
The product name is not well-known. But both voices treat it as though we’re all familiar with the name: Lumiday.
A better director would have the voice actors stress and slightly elongate the first syllable: LOO-mi-day. And pause for a quarter-second after each presentation of the product name, so that the name stands out without destroying the attempt at a conversational tone.
* The woman who opens the spot: Do you believe her? Do you believe she’s sharing her personal story?
No, you can tell it’s a voice actor, reading copy. The copy isn’t bad, but she doesn’t really know what she’s saying. (Or, as I’m always quick to point out, perhaps she’s perfectly following the direction of someone who doesn’t know how to serve the copy.)
Especially her delivery of what is supposed to be the turning point of her story: When she “said, enough is enough.” She says that phrase very casually, lightly – communicating to the listener that reaching that decision was no big deal:
“Y’know what? I decided that being unhappy and irritable and worried all the time was just stupid. So I ordered a pill to fix it.”
But that line is supposed mean, “Finally I decided to stop accepting my mood swings and constant worrying as something that I just have to suffer with. There must be something I can do to take back control over my own life. I heard about this stuff called Lumiday, and I decided to give it a try…”
* The second (“announcer”) voice does a better job of communicating, perhaps because she’s playing the role of “Announcer” rather than as “Real Person.”
But she, too, delivers the product name as though the target audience already was familiar with it.
Bonus Lesson
This is not part of the critique, but in case you missed it, here’s a copywriting insight:
Do you think this commercial claims that the product has been clinically proven to promote a more positive mood?
Nope. It’s the individual ingredients that have been clinically proven to promote a more positive mood. (A nice little copywriting sleight-of-hand there.)
