I’ve repeatedly attempted to listen to this radio advertisement, but it’s difficult to stay awake beyond the first sentence.
“Time is ticking away on…”
The first sounds of your radio commercial are the “commercial for the commercial.” They represent your only chance to capture the attention of the targeted listener.
Is there anything about “time is ticking away” that alerts people who need dining furniture that this message is for them?
Quick Exercise:
Pretend you have a friend who recently said to you, “What a hassle. I have to buy an entire dining room set. Do you know a good place? Especially with lower prices than I’ve seen at the department stores I’ve checked out?”
Now pretend you just heard about this sale, and you’re calling your friend to tip her off.
How will you begin the conversation?
YOU: Hey, Sally! Time is ticking away!
Here are the three most likely ways your friend will respond.
FRIEND: Huh?
FRIEND: WTF?
FRIEND: Have you gone off your meds again?
Inching closer to reality, you might open the conversation with something like:
YOU: Hey, Sally! You still looking for dining room furniture? There’s a big sale at Cost Plus World Market this week. Dining tables, chairs, benches…all kinds of stuff, as much as half off….
Additional Note:
“Amazing” means “causing great surprise or wonder.”
Will people really react with slack-jawed amazement when they see the prices? Doubtful.
Unless it’s advertising “Johnathan” or “Grace,” the word “amazing” should not appear in a radio commercial script.
