Yes, this is incompetently written.
But this radio commercial for a book goes beyond bad copywriting:
I’m always slow to blame the voice talent, because usually I have no way of knowing if the bad performance is the result of faithfully following bad direction.
It’s at :10 that I first realized, “Holy cow. This is embarrassing.”
Please raise your hand if after hearing this radio spot, you’re at all closer to purchasing this book.
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Ick.
Uh…yeah. Usually you let the intern fetch coffee and maybe do a couple dubs, not voice a spot. 😉
But seriously, just for starters I would have a female do the vo, and in a style more appropriate for the content. Revising the copy is a whole other mess to deal with.