RADIO COMMERCIALS and THE IMPORTANCE OF GETTING OUT OF THE WAY OF THE STORY
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Highly opinionated radio advertising guru and radio talent/morning show coach.
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good piece Dan
Good topic Dan. No narrator works in that case, and many others. I notice that you asked the question: “Which do you like better, the first version or the second?” I never ask that question of a client. It is too open for criticism. I always say: “Which version, or does that clearly deliver the message you intended?” Just a point that I feel is often overlooked. It helps reduce the re-write factor.
Regards,
Great point on creative Dan!
Great way to simplify the creative process Dan!
Spot 2 delivered the message a LOT more powerfully. Having the resident take us on a “tour” of the rooms was fantastic. Great advice.
One more thought. Dan, is that chair from the Lilly Tomlin skits? It’s enormous!
Spot on! Your the “Man” Dan!
The first ad sounds like an ADHD created spot- it jerked around so much I felt like I had whiplash after listening to it. The second ad and third ad were smooth and controlled, which is an overlooked facet of
advertising to seniors- they bemoan all the bim-bam-boom of media, whether it is advertising or not. They want peace and comfort and enjoyment at a controlled pace.
You hit the nail on the head Dan!
Just an observation- sitting in front of the fireplace with the tools by your side reminds me of an village chieftain with his weapons at the helm, preparing to dispatch his soldiers.
The couple did a wonderful job. Testimonials are very powerful.
As always excellent advice Dan, and right on target. The second commercial is much more powerful because it sounds like the person is sitting next to you and telling you all about their great new home. You can’t buy better advertising than loyal customer endorsements.
i wish we do this kind of ads in kenya
Even the “sloppy” edit cleaner and more organic than the first. Great example, really good information. 🙂
Right on Target, Dan. Sometimes copywriter/producers are a bit insecure, don’t you think? So, they want to spoon feed listeners. telling them what they heard, or what they want them to get from the spot. This lessens or precludes self discovery; that is, when one “gets something” (discovery) it tends to stick better, in my view.”
Blessings.
PS: Personal, and I may have asked you this before. Are you a WLOF. Orlando alumnus? I was there from ’73 to ’76.
hi , I think it is so fantastic , many thanks for you & we are waiting more
Great advice, Dan. I frequently create this type of ad for retirement communities; it’s nice to have your expert guidance to stay on track!
Great examples Dan, and having real people telling real stories is so much more powerful than what often sounds like contrived creative. Thanks for the reminder and I’ll pass it on!
Good point from Ted about asking which is better. While watching the vid when Dan asked that question I cringed because I know what some in my building would have said… and it wouldn’t be the second commercial.
Great advice, Dan. I’ve heard many a spot written and delivered where the narrator gets in the way of the “real story tellers.” And sometimes the narrator’s delivery is rushed or too announcery sounding smudging the painted picture.
GOOD THING THE FIREPLACE WASN’T BLAZING…OR I WOULD HAVE BEEN WATCHING AND WAITING FOR IGNITION. NO NARRATION DID MAKE A DIFFERENCE…I HAD A PICTURE OF THEIR NEW PLACE.
Good stuff. Announcer copy is generally stiff as it is–having it so much in spot with a story really does get in the way.
Dead on with #3 the FINAL. The walk through dialogue sounds authentic with no fluff and targets the demo well. Just hope the STATION fit the spot for RESULTS!
Nobody tells the story better than the one(s) who lived it. Thank you for reminding us!
Third is the most powerful. First-person storytelling, and the pace is a bit slower so the story can breathe and make an impression.
You fail to remember, listeners just don’t care either which way. Just get the general idea, product name, and contact info out as quickly as possible. Oh wait, I just changed the station while all ready having a conversation during all this unwanted content. Sorry. You keep on working that perfected message though.
I like your idea. It seems that sometimes we use the narrator to break up the presentation and I never viewed it the way you did. However, it gives me pause now in writing as to which technique I will use. Thanks for the video.
I like the way they got to the meat of their decision making process. Too often, AE’s try to bring in testimonial clients to just “talk about their experiences” for a half-hour and have producers pluck out what sounds good. It sounds like the couple was asked specific questions – give me an example of how this has changed your life for the better… at what moment did you know this was absolutely the right thing for you… what was your most pleasant surprise – or is there a secret you’ve learned that you wish you’d known sooner… etc. Asking questions like these not only helps avoid rambling sessions with hours of editing & review, but makes for much more compelling messages in the process.
Good job, Dan. I think as radio folk we want to gravitate toward more production value and forget that “less is more.” Thank for for presenting a different perspective and fresh ideas. Your video is a keeper.
Thank you for always trying to make Radio Better.
Hi Dan, Definitely number 2! Yes, get the narrator out of the way because the credible comments are comin’ through! The clients tell the whole story, so let them speak as the listeners have already heard your voice, get something different like #2 and let the client’s phones ring! Nobody can tell theiur story like they can this adds credibility to the storyline as well. Great point Dan! – JT
Thanks Dan
Keep the case histories coming! They earn Retweets and Facebook postings!
Commercial 1 had something going for it that I felt got lost in commercial 2. In the narrated spot, the first testimonial stated “I was getting a little leary of mowing the lawn…upkeep… the garden.” To me, that’s a good hot button for the target.
This advantage didn’t appear in commercial 2 until way later in the production.
I feel that hot button would help reinforce the call to action. And could be the perceived tactic.
Dan, I actually liked your ‘sloppy edit’ version best. The statements from the story teller were more succinct and created a stonger impression.
On listening to the first spot the thing that I noticed right away was how similar the voice of the narrator and that of the story teller were. It made it that much more confusing.
As far as your presentation, I would have loved to see you sitting slightly off to the side with a fire going in the fireplace, a dog at your feet and a pipe in you hand…
Good stuff…we have a couple of clients that insist upon making their spots ‘interview-esque’…once I explain to them that *I* would be more in the way than anything, they seem to relent and ‘get it’…
@Ted: I agree. It never occurs to me to ask a client, “Do you like it?” In the video, I used “which do you like better?” to ask my fellow professionals which they felt was more effective.
@Glen: The next video will be shot on a park bench, alongside Artie Johnson.
@Chris Hunter: Very observant. I just now dispatched some of my soldiers to invade Santa Monica.
@Omari: Why can’t you do that type of radio ad in Kenya?
@Bill MacCormick: You identified a couple of important points.
1. The old bromide, “Tell them what you’re going to tell them; tell them; then tell them what you told them” does not apply to radio advertising.
2. You’re absolutely correct: People become more interested and in a message if they also become involved by being allowed to “discover” it.
No, I never worked at WLOF. But in 1973 I was in a tiny market an hour away, and I still remember the duck quacking every time a WLOF jock gave a time check.
@Kevin: Sorry I made you cringe. The only question I ever ask a client after playing a spot is, “Okay, is there anything on that list” — referring to the list of “must have” points we agreed upon in advance — “that I forgot to include?”
I’m not in the business of creating radio commercials the client likes. I’m in the business of creating radio commercials that produce profitable results for the client.
@Buffalo Bob: Great point. Everyone in our business talks about radio’s painting pictures in the listeners’ minds. As they simply described their surroundings, we saw it.
Let me change the subject just a little. Do you remember when one of the announcers would cut a commercial and the rest of the staff would go in the production room and applaude it, or critique it? What a shame that full staff is now on the radio from Los Angeles, Houston, New York or somewhere and have no idea where your station is. So, you are stuck with some person that does all of the production, or God forbid, your sales staff does it’s own production.
reminded me of working in radio and having to edit testimonials all
the time… it is always best to let the happy customer talk/relate
to the listener. good piece…
I’m grateful to have had the benefit of Dan’s feedback at the beginning of this campaign. Key lesson: get out of the way of the story. The final version of the first spot (which Dan did not play on this video, but was based on his rough cut) turned out well and aired for a couple months, during which I worked on the second interview and spot (i.e., the last spot Dan played on the video).
Each interview presents its own challenges and opportunities for the producer. What made the second spot jump to life for me was the transition from the back story to Mrs. B’s real-time tour of her home (describing the big bathroom, walk-in closet, etc.) One can’t write that kind of spontaneity or authenticity into a commercial.
@Dan: any objection to my posting this video and URL up at Radio Sales Cafe?
———
@ Larry Ryan – the feedback scenario you describe is simply the application of what Dan did for me, only at the station level. Obviously you need a group of people—managers, salespeople, copywriters, producers (and frequently one person will wear several of those hats) committed to creating and airing good, effective commercials for the sake of their advertisers. This presupposes they’ve been trained appropriately, so that they’re able to discern what makes a good, effective commercial. Such training is readily available from Dan and others. So, what’s left is simply the “want to.”
@Rod: I’d be honored for you to link to the video from Radio Sales Cafe.
I agree with you about Mrs. B’s real-time tour of her home. It made it totally real…and unpredictable. Obviously she wasn’t following a script; she was just “showing us around…”
The 1st is a classic example of a typical radio spot, where Mr. Voice has to control the conversation. The 2nd and 3rd are far better, as the testimonial adds to the credibility of why someone would consider giving up their single family property or a lifestyle change. The 2nd and 3rd actually catch and retain audience attention quicker, as they stand apart from the conventional 1st commercial. Let the testimonial do its job, and bring in the tag line by Mr. Voice when the call to action is appropriate. Great example of copy improvement!
WOW!!! Why didn’t I think of that! GREAT points Dan!
Hi Dan,
Great!!! The second commercial is much more powerful because the story fits the needs of the person or persons who may be listening to it. I can actually see myself in that living situation. I agree that the narrator is a distraction in the first commercial. I wouldn’t have minded a short introductory statement to prime the listener, but after that the testimonial tells the story and captures my interest!!
The tag line at the end is perfect!!!
Great job!!
Version 1 was still good, but version two with the customer talking had more space for the storey, and it flowed better.
HI DAN!
AGREE WITH YOUR APPROACH – THE FIRST VERSION …TOOO MUCH INFO WITH NARRATOR IN THE WAY- WOULD AGREE THE 3RD VERSION MUCH BETTER. JUST A THOUGHT…..
MY APPROACH WOULD BE TO LET ____PAUSES DO THE WORK…LET THE MESSAGE SINK IN WITHOUT TOO MUCH “TIGHT” EDITING
Getting the narrator out of the way does help in telling the story, but there are three different points in this one spot. Rotate three spots, one about how nice it is not to worry about yard work, one about how nice it is to have so much living space, and one about how nice it is to be able to pick up and go.
Thanks Dan; Nice approach. I like the second commercial better…the story is telling to listeners what they should need. Very Nice!
Dan, You are correct about the third version. I was thinking maybe a series of these testimonial spots with a narrator at the very beginning and end. Also, the tight editing I find very annoying. Noticed that some of it has been going away in the industry. Fact is it takes away from the testimony become less real. Pauses work too.
Thanks for the info.
A good example of how a spot can either talk “at” the listener or “with” the listener. I am a “with” kind of guy so I didn’t miss the narrator at all. Thanks
Good Information… That’s why you’re Dan O’Day, and I’m not!
Could this same technique be used on 30 second spots?
@Rich: To do these as :30s, I’d take one person’s story and chop it up into several, shorter vignettes. I’d keep the tag lines the same; the only thing that would change would be (for example) the part of her home the woman is showing off.
Great model Dan the way you reviewed the the process, pulled it apart and then put it back together
Very informative and useful. Thank you!
Dan:
Yes, your point about the narrator (is that what we’re called these days 🙂 getting in the way of the message and disrupting the timing, message and flow of the idea is on target. The rough edit example improves things a lot, the pauses are extremely important for naturalness and character. Everything is an opinion, so I’ll jump in about the third and final spot – I feel it suffered from a problem similar to the first… The woman seemed to disturb the flow of the message, as did the announcer in spot one. She seems to be only a small part of the piece and after the first third, she disappears. I also think the station could have done a little bit better in smoothing out the EQ between the various snippets – Yeah, I have to shoot and record in crappy environments all the time, so I understand that problem, but even free Audacity has a ton of things that would give it a more consistent quality. And, as a side note, I did work at WLOF Orlando, but apparently after the duck was shot! Didn’t know you were close by. Hey, MacCormick, I must have come in right after you! 🙂 Cheers all!
Nice. Thanks for the demonstration.
Wow – so many comment already, but I’ll leave one anyway. I really believe that everyone has a special niche in life – and you’ve found yours. Not only can you listen to copy and create better copy, you can explain WHY the original copy doesn’t work.
Well done and I look forward to more great advice!
Spot #1 confused me. Spot #2 was OK. Spot #3 aroused my interest and made me want to check this place out. Great advise. Sometimes simplicity is all you really need. Thanks Dan.
Next in the “How to Kickstart your VO career” series. How to eliminate the narrator from advertising. Yes, YOU TOO, can have your VO script cut from :30 to :05 almost instantly!
(Humorously mentioned, of course)
Very good. Enjoyed the last story so much better than the first. It all makes since.
Great to have you post this video. This type of spot shows up quite frequently and unfortunately tend to be like version #1. Your re-edited version draws the listener in because the person had a problem the similar listeners have….seniors with overwhelming house upkeep. You then presented the solution. Version 3 tries to sell me the benefits before I even know there’s a problem. I fail to see why the writer elected to not go with your version…which was a gift from the guru.
Thanks for the piece Dan. Nice to have actual examples to hear.
Would it be more effective or ineffective to open with the narrator making a strong, compelling statement and then getting out of the way? Kind of like the cover of a book or a headline getting your attention, before you get to the story.
Take care!
Good video, Dan. This is a similar problem with many on-air talent who run phonecalls on their shows; too often, the jocks feel the need to insert their own witty comments into a bit when they’d be better off just letting the listener do the talking!
Danny, i think the third spot has more variety especially the characters and what they actually talk about. Your sloppy edit, to me , was stale, could not figureout why this guy is talking about the advantages of the apartments or whatever. In fact the first commercial was more directional and i think owing to the limited time available for the commercials( depending on the rate) the producer would rather have the message understood in an instant than having the prospective listner trying to figure out what actually the commercial is talking about.
You mean I’m not crazy when I suggest it is not necessary for announcers to interject themselves into testimonials. Thank you, Dan. What’s great is the time you took to demonstrate the comparison. I’ve never understood the compulsion to completely undermine the ultimate strength of testimonials (which DO need to have the right kind of people {articulate, conversational, believable} featured) by having some obvious station voice jump in and underscore points already made by the happy consumer. Thanks for a great Demo!!
Perhaps what I liked the best was the added pauses. So many of us want to show how great we are at editing a nice tight piece, while sacrificing the “realness” of the delivery. The natural (or natural-sounding) pauses give the mind time to absorb information.
One question, Dan. The name of the establishment is mentioned only briefly at the beginning and again at the end. Do you feel that is enough to make it stick with the listener? I’d appreciate your thoughts.
You bet it helped. While the second edit is indeed “sloppy”, it still tells the story better than the first. And with no worry about “we have to get the client’s name in 5 times and for sure in the first 5 seconds”. [yeah, I hear that A LOT]
I agree with some of the comments on #3… those pieces of the woman’s voice do need some kind of eq… they sound “jumpy” compared to the sound quality of the rest of the ad.
I look forward to more case studies. 🙂
This direct look at a narrative in a commercial I think puts into great context, why the old “K-I-S-S” (Keep It Simple Stupid) acronym. We tend to cram way too much info into the spots to meet the demand of the clients, when simplifying and focusing on one simple aspect is so much more beneficial for the sound and message the client is looking for!
I really enjoyed this… Thank you so much for posting it!
I posted this to Facebook, Dan. Excellent example of getting out of the way.
2 and 3 without any doubt.
How’s come there’s no music? Can’t have a radio commercial without no music!
Should’a used funny voices too!
(ducks under table to avoid that fire poker flying toward skull)
The question I always ask after presenting a spot is not “Do you like it?” or even “Which one do you think is most effective?”…I simply go with “Is all of the information correct?”. I figure, the client seldom understands what works and what doesn’t…that’s my job.
On the topic of ‘Narrators’…nobody tops Dick Orkin in Chickenman!
Thanks for offering up your insights Dan.
Your example is the one that WORKS…….because it has something I don’t think was mentioned in the above comments, and that is HUMAN BEINGS. Most commercials I hear on the radio today have all the warmth of a chrome bumper.
I liked your edit on the basic spot and loved the final version. In my
opinion the final version utilized “The Theater of the Mind” pretty well.
This is very good. Thanks for sharing it with us Dan.
Hey Dan, thanks. Watched it and, as usual, you do a great job as the narrator in getting out of your OWN story’s way! That’s the ultimate demo, if you ask me. But the sample spots were very good, too.
The first spot caused me to subconsciously tune out on the first couple of listens, when the narrator broke in on the testimonial. Your edit had kept the mowing reference. The third, Rod chose a “Fairview Village” reference as the needed call to action. One thing Rod may do in future resident testimonials recordings is have them mention the name a few times. The middle of the spot could have used the branding. Believe one should never assume you have the listeners for the full 60 seconds.
Great advice Dan, in the eventual remake I’d like to hear even more air around the testimonials. I think we underestimate the power of the pause – to let real people tell their stories in a believable way we need to give them a little space.
That was a great example thanks for sharing it with us. I have passed it on to our sales and marketing staff.
I heard some things in #2 that I didn’t recall hearing in #1.
When there is a narrator, there’s a tendency to think \Oh, this guy will summarize and provide closure…I don’t need to listen to the testimonial.\
Nick
Timing couldn’t have been better for me, Dan — thanks! I have just that issue this week with a client who insists he has to be on his own commercial — but there are a couple issues.
1) He has a very thick French accent. I tried writing a script for him originally, and it was a disaster. So much so, that it would make him look foolish, which is very detrimental. We went with an announcer.
2) His contract is up later in March, and he has yet to resign. but I’ll keep that in mind though — keep the narrator “in the commercial”, but not “of the commercial”. Hopefully it’ll all work out.
Cheers!
Dale
Great stuff Dan…
Had my sales team watch this and it sparked a fun discussion… Keep it coming..
@Dale: Wait until you see the third video I have planned for this series….
I found your demonstration interesting and would say that the “hacked” spot was the most powerful. It was about two-thirds before the name was uttered and I found that drew me into the spot — wanting to know where they were talking about.
Super Idea, and well executed by rod the second time around! Might just have to become a ‘advantage’ member after all!
Thanks for the tips Dan.
@Paul: My pleasure, mate! I’ve just finished the second video in the series. Hope you guys find it useful, too.
Someone earlier said the “hacked” spot was the most powerful. I disagree. It sounds like a spot for a garden center. I don’t believe the average listener will say to himself”Gee, I think I’ll stay around and see what this commercial is about…” Third one was good. At least he didnt say “Con VEENIE yunce”
Good stuff Dan, as always, and may more and more sales guys see / hear this. lol!
i would not mind taking out the narrator even from the ‘final’ spot and let the hubby-wife do the ‘call’ their way, that would be more telling / effective.
cheerz!
ali
thekreativecompany
Thanks for the continued great insight, Dan!
We have had several of our clients shy away from having THEIR clients come in to the studio. The standard response is “I want you professionals to tell my story”. I have convinced several of them that we are not the best suited to do that – their customers are. Yes, we can tag with a call to action (and that is seldom needed, honestly) but the strongest message is delivered by one who has been there – where the prospective customer is now, and has had their live improved by the product or service we’re selling. Honestly I am glad that other mediums can’t or won’t cotton to this.
Thanks Dan – excellent method!!!
-Matt
@Ali – thekreativecompany: it would have been easy enough to do this, but I chose not to for this reason: having the residents who are sharing their experience spontaneously and in their own words all of a sudden sounding like salespeople or the advertiser would be inappropriate casting; might even diminish their credibility in some cases.
Dan O’ offers an excellent audio presentation by LA-based voice coach Nancy Wolfson, entitled “Narrator vs. Expositor.” Nancy does an excellent job explaining the fine degrees of separation needed between these two roles in radio and TV advertising.
@ Dale Percy – One of my favorite clients is a Jewish fellow, raised in Morocco and Israel, fluent in French, Hebrew, Arabic (and now in Chinese). He purchased a floor covering store back in ’92, the year I purchased my present home. I bought a houseful of stuff from him and he became a great radio advertiser for many years. Based on my experience as his customer, I picked up on phrase he was fond of using (“I’ll make you a good deal.”) and cast him in his own commercials as Avi, the Good Deal Guy. It caught on immediately and stuck. To this day, people going into his store ask for him by that name.
Anyhow, Avi had a pronounced accent that actually worked to his advantage in the commercials. No one else sounded like him, and he was authentic. The core of the campaign I wrote for him went like this: “Hi, this is Avi, the Good Deal GUy. Nobody beats my deals. But don’t take my word for it. Shop my competition. Get their best price, their best SALE price. But don’t buy it. Not yet. Tell them you want to think about it. Then come see me. My price will be better, lots better.” (I wish Dan O’ allowed hyperlinks on this blog, so you could hear the actual spot; hearing Avi deliver these lines in his own voice is so much better, e.g., “Tell dem you want tink about it.”)
Avi’s moved on to greener pastures, but these many years later people in the market still remember and quote this stuff verbatim.
Don’t hesitate to use a client’s accent to his advantage. It can add immeasurably to his credibility on the air.
Great advice and piece Dan.
thanks Dan more great food for thought .