June, 1997 (continued):
Thursday began a brief yet busy European seminar trip. I was to arrive in Nuremberg on Friday, and on Saturday I would present a full-day Air Personality Plus+ seminar for clients of the BCI consulting group.
Saturday evening I’d fly from Nuremberg, Germany, to Frankfurt, then from Frankfurt to Oslo, Norway.
On Sunday again I would present a full-day air talent seminar, this time for my friends at Radio 1. (A couple of their jocks had attended one of my seminars in the States a few years earlier.)
As soon as that seminar ended I’d rush to the airport to fly to Vienna, Austria, where the following day I would work with Ö3’s morning show, developing comedy and feature ideas, etc. (This was a return trip; I had worked with their air staff the previous autumn.)
If I was exceptionally lucky, I might have a few hours to walk around Vienna (unlike the previous visit) before catching an evening flight to London.
I’d be met at Heathrow Airport and driven the hour or so to Brighton, where the following day I would present How To Create Maximum Impact Radio Advertising for the staff and clients of Southern Radio.
Then it would be back to Heathrow, fly to Frankfurt, maneuver my bags across the several yards that separate the hotel and the Frankfurt Sheraton Airport hotel….go to sleep….get up the next morning….and fly home to Los Angeles.
Just another typical, glamourous European trip.
The 11-hour flight from Los Angeles to Nuremberg was uneventful… with one small exception.
After the on-flight dinner, I went into the restroom to wash up and brush my teeth.
Doing so, I noticed a small bottle of “Elkadaent” mouthwash on display for use of customers.
Hmmm….Well, I wasn’t going to floss my teeth before going to sleep, so I figured perhaps a little mouthwash wouldn’t hurt.
I checked the directions on the bottle: “Four squirts into a cup. Then gargle or rinse.”
Easy enough.
I pulled down a paper cup, emptied four squirts of mouthwash into it, and poured the contents into my mouth.
I remember thinking as I emptied the cup onto my tongue, “Should I just rinse, or should I actually gargle? I mean, wouldn’t gargling make a lot of noi-“
My mouth was on fire. Raw, burning, aflame.
What was this, some super mouthwash, a challenge to only to the most machismo of airline passengers? Oh God, it burns! Drink some water, quick! No! That makes it worse! Now it’s twice as painful!
I grabbed the bottle and checked those directions once more. Yep, just like I thought: “Four squirts into a cup…” Um…. “…of water.”
Ah. Uh-huh.
I was supposed to dilute that stuff by a few thousand percent.
On the other hand….
How’s my breath smell?
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Ah yes, that remarkable benzethonium chloride formula that all the girls go crazy over! On the plus side, it not only kills odor producing mouth germ, but all the fermentation mechanisms too! You’ve now achieved “Eternally Great Breath” Dan–congrats!
You read the directions !That is key…and talk about A Maximum Impact !