Here’s a good 22-second commercial, followed by 38 wasted advertising seconds….
How disappointing. They begin so well.
They get our attention with the baby sounds.
Then they intensify our focus with the opening line:
“….they almost didn’t exist.”
Okay, they’ve got us.
And now they define the problem in simple, relatable language:
“That’s because their mothers thought they had to choose between motherhood and fibroid treatment.”
They continue to lead us down their path:
“Treating your fibroids shouldn’t stop you from having a child.”
And then apparently the original writer is taken off this commercial and replaced by some hospital employee who thinks “radio advertising” = “boasting.”
And who, by the way, has not yet learned to write coherently.
“Treating your fibroids shouldn’t stop you from having a child. That’s why Cedars-Sinai is one of the only places in Southern California to offer a minimally invasive fibroid treatment…”
Huh? That might explain why Cedars-Sinai offers the treatment, but it doesn’t explain why it’s one of the only places to do so.
The procedure’s being difficult or expensive might explain why it’s offered by only a few places.
This, for example, would make sense:
“Treating your fibroids shouldn’t stop you from having a child. That’s why Cedars-Sinai offers a minimally invasive fibroid treatment…”
And now it’s time for the requisite “Look How Special We Think We Are” advertising garbage, leaving behind the urgency that was so skillfully created just seconds earlier:
“We’re always finding ways to improve patients’ lives.”
“It’s just another reason why Cedars-Sinai has been voted L.A.’s most preferred hospital for over 20 years.”
It’s a shame. They did such a good job of attracting the attention of the targeted listener…and then squandered the majority of their commercial time.
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Couldn’t agree more. Had me in the beginning, lost me at the client speak. And yes create more urgency by telling me why you are the only place.