IF YOU CAN WRITE A BETTER RADIO COMMERCIAL THAN THIS, YOU MIGHT WIN A PRIZE MORE VALUABLE THAN A BAG OF MONEY.

Before you do anything else — before you read any further here — please listen to this commercial just once:

Done?

Now count backward from 10 to 1. Here, I’ll help. Just read along out loud:

10
9
8
7
6
5
4
3
2
1

Now then. Remember that Chevron commercial you just listened to? What specific message(s) do you remember? What — specifically — was it about? What consumer problem did it promise to solve?

Don’t ask me. I’ve heard it several times and I still can’t recall anything more than “a card that somehow saves you money, with lots of fine print at the end.”

1. Listen to that spot as many times as you like, until you’ve figured out what they’re offering, how it benefits the targeted consumer, and what the listener should do to act on the sales message. (That is, what is the Call To Action?)

2. Write and produce your own 60-second spot.

3. Make sure yours is better than this thing you just heard.

4. Upload your spot using this link.

5. It must be an mp3 file.

6. You must fully identify yourself.

7. The spot must run between 59.5 and 60.5 seconds.

8. Although you may have someone else produce and/or voice the commercial, the revised spot must be written by you.

9. Do not upload a script. You must upload an mp3 recording of the produced spot.

10. By “mp3 recording,” I mean “mp3 recording.” I do not mean .wav file, mp4, or anything other goshdarn format.

Rather than award some nifty prize to one winner and have everyone else be disappointed, this time around we’ll disappoint everyone. No prize. But you will receive world-wide recognition, invaluable bragging rights, and the satisfaction of knowing that you are better than everyone else. (And isn’t that what life is all about, anyway?)

There might be some. Depends on my mood.

Anyone who emails a commercial to me rather than uploading it via this link will be disqualified, publicly disgraced and— if I can arrange it — mercilessly flogged in the town square. I mean it. Use the upload link. Seriously.

Good grief, you ask a lot of questions. Sometime next week, okay? Maybe Monday. In the meantime, I’ll share some of the more interesting entries on this blog. (If I don’t play yours, it’s because it was too good and I didn’t want to dishearten everyone else.)

So, what are you waiting for? Figure out what that commercial actually is about, and then find a way to say it better. (Let’s face it: With that piece of…uh, advertising…the second part shouldn’t be too difficult.)