Our first entry in my exciting “Can You Write Better Than This Junk” Contest is from BIG John Small:
Thanks for doing this fun contest on a Monday! I usually wouldn’t have time to participate, but Mondays are a little slower for me.
I can’t wait to hear what others do with the info you sent. I have a feeling you’re going to get a WIDE VARIETY of submissions.
I decided to speak to the “elephant in the room” with mine. I’m pretty sure they are doing this to get people to spend money during “the economic slow down.” I used it to our benefit as “the reason” to buy now. I know I could do this same ad a hundred different ways, but I have to get back to work now.
Thanks again!
Here’s Big John’s spot:
I might have forgotten to mention that everyone who submits a spot will enjoy the added pleasure of having the entire radio advertising world comment on it, critique it, tear it apart, viciously attack it, and engage in various other types of unwarranted acts of cruelty — all in the name of “constructive criticism.’
So, Dear Reader, what do you think about Big John’s version?
Comments on this entry are closed.
yeah, no pressure.
…and?
Very well done, low key, message clearly stated.
Very well done, low key, message clearly stated.
Cleans it up a bit, but still too wordy. Is the listener intently listening to the radio to figure out what this guy is talking about, or are they going to turn it up 1/2 way through if they even care and part of the messge is lost?
Price point spots are a day to day reality at a radio station. I think they’re more to please the client then anything else, unless the message is simple.
Using a “let’s face it” is tired and is wasting airtime trying to relate to someone that doesn’t care. It’s a busy world, I’ve heard 100’s if not 1000’s of radio, TV and billboard ads on the highway in my travels during a week. Give me something catchy, clever, funny, anything that sticky in my mind and makes me remember this advertiser. The copy, the delivery, doesn’t.
You could go hard sell also, but that’s just as bad as a middle of the road delivery, and the delivery is just as important as the copy.
What would certainly improve this spot would be a female read with a clever, almost sarcastic tone. A very strong female voice actor can put emphasis where it should go. This read throws me. It’s too announcerish.
-John..I would not GONG you..but at the same time…Outta the box..the format is not AC1000 so you can attempt to uphold the Target name but get my legs moving over there..Tell me because you have the passion!!! Give it another shot. Gimme some Hutzpah..Hutzpah. Tell me why I am a winner if I shop there now.
But hey you are the first One and you made a decision and did it!! Nice , adam
I agree with Adam – it’s like someone taking out a ‘personals’ ad for dating and starting off with, “You could do worse”.
It’s not bad, but not better.
My earlier comment was about Dan’s posting. “The entire radio world criticizing.” Yeah. No pressure. This … the commercial by Big John.
1st ten seconds anti-sell the sale. Boo.
The rest could be worked with. I’ve heard much worse than the last 20 sec’s in the top ten markets in the nation.