Our second entry in my exciting “Can You Write Better Than This Junk” Contest is from Jeff Roberts:
My apologies up front. It is offensive, quickly thrown together and not my best work. However, the germ of an idea jumped into my head and this was the only way to get rid of it!
I suspect this one might draw a few comments….
Comments on this entry are closed.
I have not yet heard the spot that may offend..after I do I will post again attempting to stay to the rules this Oday Framed blog-adam
When you act in a play or a tv show you want to know the Motivation..and so does the viewer??”Why do I do this?”
Many Commercials today even yesterday do not give realistic motivation .That is what makes them just hanging in air. I am very pleased with this commercial.. I am not offended because it scores highly..A Reason to buy ..OKOKOK the reason is illegal and is pro-Violence but..as far as writing a commercial remove and “paste a clear positive motivator”…Dude Nice job-The pacing was realistic, The words did not sound written but logical..You talked to me..you did not announce “another spot I have to do”. The cartoon fx did give it more lampooning than harpooning realism. Adam G
I will glad to be your referral on your Target Job Application.
OMG…that’s hilarious! Creative, ear-catching, uses the pertinent info, fresh…appallingly bad taste, but a great spot! Jeff, you should be writing for SNL…this is much funnier than a lot of what they come up with.
Well it certainly relates emotional real life reasons to purchase!
Honestly I think somebody should run it if not Target. It will anger some people but the right people will get the joke and maybe even become bigger fans of the store that does it. It’s bound to get publicity for the store that’s brave enough to take a risk.
Hey Adam G…unintentionally. you just demonstrated what is wrong with a lot of radio spots.First you posted that you hadn’t heard it yet..but would post AFTER you heard it.?? why was that neccesary to tell us that?? .Then you posted your comments. SO many copywriters LOAD up their spots with so much information, it becomes superfluous.JEff ..very funny and would never see the light of day!
BUT–you created IMAGERY with the commercial..I think so many radio spots fail because they don’t properly use the medium. it is AURAL. use it!
Thanks Mark.. Well I guess I did something helpful…I do appreciate the point..Maybe I did actually look for an impression that wasn’t mine to get.
They didn’t give the phone number!