The Southern California Toyota Dealers have a long, proud tradition of God-awful radio advertising. Witness:
• They begin by telling people to take their Toyota to their Toyota dealer before giving them a reason to.
HERE COMES THE CLUE TRAIN: Don’t give your Call To Action before giving people a reason to act.
• If the story of this commercial somehow is about your chance to get two tickets to the L.A. County Fair, that should determine the spot’s opening words. Is this spot supposed to be about Toyota, or is it supposed to be about your getting two tickets to the county fair?
• Why should you attend the County Fair? They have:
“The most carnival rides” — The most? Compared to whom? The most in the world? The most they’ve ever had?
“Mouth-watering foods” — Okay, now I’m getting really annoyed. That’s the type of line that quite likely was written by a secretary, not by a commercial copywriter.
“Spectacular attractions” — Yep, they’re so spectacular they can’t give us even a single example. What do they mean by “attractions”? A bearded lady? Einstein’s brain? The Greater Fresno Accordion Marching Band?
“The largest marketplace in the West” — Um, guys? What kind of marketplace? Is it a farmer’s market? Flea market? Collectibles?
“The End of Summer Concert Series” — Uh, want to give us a clue re: the kind of music we can hear there?
And then, of course, it ends with two tons of audio fine print.
Congratulations, Southern California Toyota Dealers. You’ve maintained your status among the worst of the worst radio advertising.
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I just voiced a TV spot for a So Cal Toyota dealer…you are preach’in to the choir!! haha Some spots just seem to be like Lawn Darts without feathers, a loose cannon or a double barrel shotgun blast of sorts.
Brian in Charlotte
Thanks for another good example, Dan.
I’ve found the Monday Radio Commercial Smackdown to be a good “warmup” for the new week’s of writing; and it works best, in my case, by listening with closed eyes before reading the critique. In no time at all I find that I’m either ready to navigate the minefield all my old habits have created, or need a little more time before committing a script to production.
by listening with closed eyes before reading the critique.
That is exactly how I hope people use these critiques.
At the moment I am in the midst of critiquing for one group 9 radio commercial critiques per month for a year. For each spot, they send me both the audio recording and the script.
I never look at the script until first I have listened to the spot. Their listeners, after all, don’t have a written crib sheet to refer when hearing the commercials.
Only after listening to it and noting what message I obtain from it do I look at the script, to see what the writer’s intent was.