In the current issue of my Radio Advertising Letter, I shared a station promo that I thought could be greatly improved by making it half as long.
So I made a couple of quick edits, and the original 53-second promo became a 29-second promo.
Radio Advertising Letter readers: Which do you think is stronger? Why?
Comments on this entry are closed.
I’m a great supporter of ‘less is more.’ Talking the client into it is a bit of a challenge, but I love the challenge of writing :15s that sell like :30s. It’s like Haiku copy writing.
Philip Hicks
The Information Station
Great editing job, Dan! Very impressed at how you took a long-winded promo and made it fly.
Hard to believe that was the same promo. Really demonstrates how editing can *add* to a piece.
Brevity is always the key. And sometimes with those jokes you have to take a second (or third) glance and think, “does that have any shelf life, or is that funny the first time and annoying for the rest of the campaign?”
Just a reminder of the age old adage regarding “quality vs. quantity”.
It’s as true today as it ever was.
Good editing there.
-Greg
I agree with all the posts in principle, but do have one observation:
To me, the opening sound effect works better in the middle of a spot than at the beginning of a spot because it sounds like a record spin-down. If played after another commercial, or out of a song or bit, it might sound like it’s supposed to be part of what preceded it. This could be a bit confusing to the listener.
Along those same lines, I’d also recommend a slight rewrite of the new opening line. “Yeah, you forgot Father’s Day” sounds like you’ve just been talking about Father’s Day and, son of a gun, you really did forget it, didn’t you? If the spot is to stand on its own, I’m thinking the opening might need a slight adjustment.
Having heard it after hearing the original version, I liked the edited one a lot and agree with the overall consensus that less is more. I think some minor tweaking will make it even better.
Rich
You certainly may be right about the sound effect; I don’t really have an opinion about that.
But your second observation:
“Yeah, you forgot Father’s Day” sounds like you’ve just been talking about Father’s Day and, son of a gun, you really did forget it, didn’t you?
I agree completely — except that’s a GOOD thing:
1. Successful advertising (to paraphrase Robert Collier) is simply a matter of entering into a conversation the targeted consumer already is having.
2. This promo targets listeners who forgot to get their dads a gift for Father’s Day.
3. Those listeners, presumably, are saying to themselves (or to others), “Doggone it! I forgot to get Dad a Father’s Day gift.”
4. So yes, it does sound as though you were just talking about that. You’re entering into a conversation the targeted listener already is having.
:29 is always better than :59 – I like the second one better. But I did like the fake “disclaimer” on the end of the first one – made me laugh when I heard “satisfaction not guaranteed”. I could see that it might burn out after a while, but I think making someone laugh, and acknowledging that when you buy someone a gift, especially fathers (no offense, Dad!) you can’t always please them, humanizes the spot a little bit. And these “big rock/big SFX” promos can be a little distanced from the listener by their very format. Just a thought! -Katie
I like the concept but not the execution. Too much hype background to let the emotional impact settle in. Why do promos like this have to have the
“I’m a radio announcer fake voice?”
Your listers don’t talk or sound like that, why not relate a little closer to the folks listening to your station. Other than that, as I slip in to my fake voice, “That was like, ah, totally awesomlicious dude!”
Gotta support Dan’s choice on the “Yeah, you forgot…” choice; entering into the conversation already going on, as cited, also feels like getting playfully busted by a friend: “Yeah, you did it, you know it too”. I like the tone.
I love those Big Rock Guy voices for Big Rock Stations myself. I also like a soft low feminines sound like my own for other applications.
But, help me here Dan, could it be useful for us to have that big honkin’ :59 rotate occasionally, AND the short hot tight :29 more frequently? Wouldn’t that be good reinforcement or am I getting too fancy?
The short version is a big improvement, especially since the first line in that spot(the promo for the promo)gets right to the point, rather than being followed by “Hi, thanks for joining us…” The long version just seems repetitive, rather than actually reinforcing the message.
could it be useful for us to have that big honkin’ :59 rotate occasionally, AND the short hot tight :29 more frequently?
My problem with the :59 isn’t its length. My problem is, in my opinion, the first half is completely unnecessary and is less effective than the :29.
Would I object to rotating a great :59 with a great :29, where the :59 version adds something other than mere length? In general, no.
But unless it’s spectacularly entertaining, :59 is a lot of time for a music station not to be playing music (especially when most stations run their promos at the beginning of a commercial cluster).
Brilliant editing. And a great illustration to your point. I had to force myself to listen to the longer version just so I could ‘get to the point’. I’m sure this method would have worked well on the Radio Ranch video…
I agree and disagree. The shorter version sounds more up and in your face, but would it get lost between songs? Depending on where you place the promo is how it should be. Will it be first in a stop set or between songs? Too many good promos are lost because the listener isn’t actively listening so they miss the first few seconds.
If the promo “stops the forward momentum” enough to grab the listener it would work better. I think the open should use the “Listen, did you forget father’s day this year? Well you’re not alone” Then bring the BIG voice guy in to say “We’ve got you covered”. This would grab the listener. Then state your point. Remember not everyone is always “listening”