But this blog is supposed to be about Radio.
Okay, Dan, let’s come up with an excuse for publishing this satire about the Time Warner Cable vs. CBS Television fiasco on a radio blog….
“Hey, guys! If you’re in a market that’s affected by the CBS blackout on Time Warner Cable, feel free to adapt this for a comedy bit on your radio program.”
See how easy that was?
Time Warner just sent me an email apologizing…
“for any inconvenience caused by this current broadcast channel blackout….To show our appreciation for your business we’d like you to enjoy a Movie On Demand on us.”
To watch the free Movie On Demand, I’m supposed to…
“Just Follow These 3 Simple Steps:
“1. See What’s Available.
“2. Watch Your Selection.
“3. After watching your movie, go to twc.com/justforyou, enter your Movies On Demand Credit Code.
“Your account will be credited, up to a maximum of $5.99, within 60 days for the Credit Code used.”
Here are the additional Simple Steps
they forgot to include.
4. We’ll be keeping your extra $5.99 for up to 60 days. Thank you! In these difficult times, every little bit helps with our short-term cash flow management.
5. Check your Time Warner statements for the next 60 days to see if we have returned to you the money we charged you for your free movie.
6. Not before the 61st nor after the 63rd day, call our Customer Service department to ask why we haven’t refunded your $5.99.
7. Due to the utterly predictable Unexpectedly Higher Than Normal Call Volume, be prepared to wait on hold for 2 to 3 hours.
8. If you are calling Time Warner’s Customer Service department on a Time Warner home phone line, expect to be abruptly disconnected prior to reaching one of our service representatives.
9. When you finally do reach a Time Warner service representative, explain that you have not received your $5.99 refund for your “free” Movie On Demand.
10. Listen to the Time Warner service representative patiently explain to you that Movies On Demand is not a free service.
11. Explain that you understand Movies On Demand is not a free service but that you were offered a free movie by Time Warner.
12. Listen to the Time Warner service representative patiently explain to you that Movies On Demand is not a free service.
13. Completely lose control and scream obscenities at the Time Warner service representative who did nothing to cause your problem and who has no ability to fix it.
14. Listen to the Time Warner service representative respond, “I understand your frustration” and then patiently explain to you that Movies On Demand is not a free service.
15. Scream, “That’s it! I’m canceling my subscription! Time Warner is the worst company I’ve ever dealt with!” — knowing that you won’t really cancel, ’cause it’d be such a hassle to learn how to use some OTHER cable provider’s 13 different remote controls.
16. Hear the Time Warner service representative pleasantly ask, “Is there anything else I can help you with today?”