The opening line of a radio commercial is the commercial for the commercial. It’s the one opportunity to attract the attention of the targeted listener.
Does the opening line of this spot grab your attention?
The people who created this radio advertisement brainstormed, and the best way they could come up with to begin the spot was to declare that the advertiser “is sporting a $50 million redesign that you have to see to believe”?
And the rest of it….
“Splash with your family on exhilarating water slides”??
Let me guess: The original radio copywriting was done in some other language, and then they used Google Translate for the English version.
“Say, honey! Let’s take the family to La Costa Resort & Spa, where we can splash on their exhilarating water slides!”
And the voice over performance. Do you hear even a hint of “exhilaration”? Or a hint of “relaxation” when she mentions the pool?
And the copywriter invites the listener to “discover the nation’s #1 wellness spa and so much more.”
At least La Costa doesn’t need to worry about listeners becoming bored or confused by that commercial. That 15-second spot will sail past them like so much white noise.
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Every time some advertiser touts their “redesign,” God kills a kitten. The concept excites clients a whole lot more than it does their customers. Like those “grand reopenings” when somebody new takes over an established business. Who cares beyond the guy’s family?
Even worse: One advertiser (not on my stations) has been running an ad for months urging listeners to “visit our newly rebranded website.” Yup, that’ll make the ol’ hitcounter spin.
“is sporting a $50 million redesign that you have to see to believe”?
Sounds like it came right out of the client’s mouth and went straight to the copy without any filter at all.
1. I have never splashed with a family member ON a water slide.
2. I have never spent $50,000,000 on a water park/resort. What does that buy? New drainage system, water pumps and sod for the golf course? Yay!
3. What is a new “edged out”/”edge dolt”/”edge adult” pool? (Take the peanut butter out of your mouth and emphasize)
4. Oooh… Another #1 spa? I MUST GO NOW (and “discover” it)
That’s what happens when you cram a 30 sec spot into a 15. can’t blame the talent. It’s far too wordy, and as such only contributes to it’s blandness.
So how would you do it Dan? rewrite the opening line. I won’t doubt you have a point, but I learn best by example. How should it be written?
My take…what is the focus here? That bed is terrible if you want to promote “FUN” and “splash with your family”, but great if you want to relax and take a break at the nations #1 wellness spa.
The spot pulls in two different directions and doesn’t serve either one of them well.
This goes back to the client not knowing the focus they want to promote.
If you are promoting fun, maybe a opener would be “Find out how much FUN $50 million dollars will bring……”
If you are promoting wellness “Escape and Relax into a world where you can experience the benefits of what a $50 million dollar renovation can bring”
I’m just throwing these out there. It’s a typical radio spot. It’s terrible, but it pays the bills.
After listening at least twice I’m still not even sure what they said. I can’t even believe it’s a 15. This spot is just one of many reasons advertisers are moving towards social and digital in droves!