First, the commercial….
This Trader Joe’s commercial has an interesting story to sell with. But the copywriter didn’t structure it well.
The opening line is very strong. It paces the common experience of the targeted listener:
“It’s almost Thanksgiving. And that means turkey, stuffing…
…and Aebleskiver.”
Huh? We weren’t expecting “Aebleskiver.” What’s that?
That question isn’t answered until 28 seconds later — by which time the targeted listener no longer is paying attention.
During those 28 seconds, the advertiser talks about:
- Breakfast
- The name of the guy who is speaking
- Turkey & trimmings
- Breakfast foods
- Turkey
- Pie
- Football
- Cereal & juice
- Eggs & bacon
And then, finally, they return to what originally had captured the listener’s attention: Aebleskiver.
Aebleskiver
Too bad that by this time, the listener has become a former listener.
Here’s a quick & dirty edit to demonstrate how this story could have succeeded.
Do you hear how, in that incomplete version, the story moves smoothly?
They do a good job of helping us envision the product, both at the breakfast table (“like a golf ball”) and in the story (“We’re selling each bag of about 20 Danish pancakes for about $3.49”).
Hmmm…. Not bad for 20 Danish pancakes. We can picture the bag, and we can picture where in the store we can find it: in the frozen foods section.
But we can picture the product only if the radio commercial is structured in way that makes use of the “story” to attract and hold our attention.
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Your EDIT was a much better spot than the original, loved the initial concept, but as you well stated I was lost about half way through, now I must go online and order these, plus a rasher of bangers because bacon doesn’t go well with powdered sugar
Take off your radio blinders and welcome to the world of commercials that were Not produced at a radio station. They go beyond the obvious and don’t always go to your comfortable and formulaic radio mind. It’s a strong ad. The brand already garners a loyal following and those looking for another option when grocery shopping will be open to something different.
@Andrew, this is a radio commercial. Radio is a world that works differently to print and billboards. To attempt to crowbar the operational principles of one onto any of the other is to invite failure.
Radio is as radio does.
What you may call “blinders” others may call “focus”.
Way too much time between the opening line and when he finally explains what “Aebleskiver” is. To me it was confusing. I was waiting to hear what “Aebleskiver” was, and then I thought “Oh, they’re not going to explain it, I must be the only one who doesn’t know what that is”.. The commercial continued as “normal” but then he did come back to “Aebleskiver”… totally agree about the structure. Your edit was much better.
The thing to keep in mind is that people don’t have patience in a hurry up, “just get to the point” world. A laundry list of items is a shotgun method of hitting the target rather than a laser beam. That’s why the edit version works better. Bringing people something different for Thanksgiving was a great angle to get and hold the listener’s attention, isn’t that the whole idea of an effective spot? Great stuff as always Dan!
“Aebleskiver”. Yeah, something I will remember…. maybe.
I thought intially the guy mispronounced the word, screwdriver.
The edited version still did not immediately address the word. Another sentence or two followed it. Some may consider the edit version a strong commercial. But, as a writer, I consider it bad communication to toss something out there and not immediately address it because it becomes a distraction to the rest of the ad. If they had addressed it immediately you feel that you learned something, or at least learned something.
Just one rednecks opinion….