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MONDAY RADIO COMMERCIAL SMACKDOWN: KNOWING WHERE TO BEGIN THE STORY

First, the commercial….

Yes, this is a spot for a Southern California car dealer group, so yes, it’s terrible.

I don’t know if anything could’ve made this commercial good, but it would’ve had a chance to move up from “terrible” to “not terrible” if only they had known where to begin telling the story:

At the beginning of the action.

Like this:

That story begins when the guy enters late. Notice how it began faster, without the worthless intro?

Y’know what? They could’ve taken those 13 seconds I cut out and used them to tell us “how you can drive off with a new Honda for practically nothing.”

Instead, they have time only to tell us if we want to know what the heck the offer is, we should visit our local Honda dealer to find out.

Right. We’ll do that.

I mean, it would’ve been silly to tell us when you had the chance.

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  • Jonathan May 31, 2010, 9:37 pm

    When I attended broadcast school, I found I had a knack for writing good commercials, but it can definitely be tricky to know where to start. I didn’t persue that path, but I sometimes wish I had because its certainly an enjoyable challenge.