If you sell radio advertising or create radio commercials, here’s an original script for you to hold onto until next Valentine’s Day.
The critique referred to in the video was done for one of my Radio Advertising Advantage Platinum members.
I’m biased, but I think that’s a slam dunk spot both in terms of being able to sell to a client and to generate Valentine’s Day sales.
(Sorry, as promised…This video was available to non-members for only a few days.)
Comments on this entry are closed.
Season in the Sun…is a CLASSIC!
Top O The Mornin’ to You Dan and fellow O’Day O’Philles …
Love the hat (the spot) and the idea’s Dan – your version – I agree would be better with a subtle music bed beneath. BUT – I have to say that the idea of cutting the 30 second down to a 10 second version doesn’t sell it to me – UNLESS – unless – you could do say, 5 versions of the spot with the original concept of the choices being considered and running them as 15 second versions. Maybe to even top and tail each commercial break.
EG: At the top of the commercial break …
“(MVO)Last Valentines Day – you tried to take her out to dinner – she wasn’t interested in that & the year before you gave her some chocolates – yeah, that didnt work either…. (FVO) Jewellery – just get her some jewellery from XYZ Jewellers – At View and Blanchard”
The rest of commercials run – then …
“(FVO) Jewellery – just get her some jewellery. (MVO) now thats a great idea (ANNOUNCER) For Valentines Day she’d really love Jewellery – Big Sale at XYZ Jewellers at View and Blanchard”
Then the next couple of versions would have a different hook at the start of each commercial break to get people to listen – different failed choices that were made – all with the same solution – XYZ Jewellers.
Anyway – that’s my thoughts – love these tips and I am seriously considering the platinum membership just for these idea’s alone.
PS ReCaptcha password below was Lucky Day – how cool was that?
Love the “case studies”!! Thank you for making me (sole proprietor and sole worker becoming a recluse in front of the Apple!) put my THINKING CAP on again!! I can actually replay & replay and come up with “buts” and “oh, I get it” / “My goodness – I have forgotten about this point of view” etc.
It’s GREAT to “talk” to someone in the know again! Studio “Engineers” are young people who want to make millions as quickly as possible and “retire before 40..!” There’s no creativity in producing a sales message anymore. It’s a case of: “Just give us the copy, organize the voice artist / choose one of the following voices, and … what music do you want…!?”
O.k. Back to the specific sales message in question. Here’s my humble and brief opinion:
I liked what you did with the sales message – as a follow up / re-inforcement of the original (to be revised) longer message.
I would keep the original beginning (and delivery of the guy who tried to figure out what he could get his loved one for Valentine’s Day) BECAUSE the LISTENER gets the BAIT (he has the same problem and can IDENTIFY with the character: “yeah right, buddy, tell me about it..!) and then CREATE ANTICIPATION for the SOLUTION to follow. ); The woman’s “suggestion” (GREAT delivery, but needs more femininity in her VOICE – especially because it is ABOUT the WOMAN in his life) offers the ANTICIPATED SOLUTION (up to the end of the woman’s assertive statement of the ultimate gift – no question!) and then the M.V.O part – as you altered it. That’s the final CALL TO ACTION. To my mind a MALE cannot always think, Oh, this commercial was actually talking to me… It’s best to have him IDENTIFY Thanks for this exercise! I shall try again to retrieve the car dealer video. Looking very much forward to more! Regards Namibia.
I’m living in fear of the first documented Dan o’Day wardrobe malfunction.
Great breakdown of the spot. I wish I could get the clients to understand this. You know, they’ll often spot-block you with a “must include” laundry list which effectively halts the creative.
That being said, I personally hate thinking (and reinforcing) that all women are greedy materialists who’s affection is only secured with an appropriately large item of value…but maybe that’s just me =)
Thanks for sharing this, Dan.
Great idea for a jspot. The idea can be used for other products as well.
It’s Jewelry… not Julery!
Very constructive comments Dan to help get RESULTS for the client and help us in radio keep the client.
Paddy Cap did not distract once you got into the meat of your critique.
We all need another set of ears so keep it up.
Yes the 10sec drop could work if the announcer gave a live lead in e.g.
“Remember Valintines Day is coming up!” Plus give the client more bang for their buck!
Quick one on another tact, when will some genius come up with a replacement phrase for “Up for Grabs?”
Sorry “Valentines”
Why wait until next Valentine’s? Mother’s Day, Graduation, Birthday, Holidays this concept could be tweaked for any of these dates. I can tell you one thing that DID distract me, and it’s already been addressed above. Jewelery. (gag) Same with Realtors and Realty. If you are using the English language get it right because customers judge on little things like that too. Again, Dan hits it on the head, simplicity. Overthink it and you’re doomed to lists, and over-wording. The :10 version rocks.
Sorry – still can’t get video to play – plus I don’t have any jewelry clients – I was looking forward to seeing yesterday’s auto spot. Guess I’ll just have to go drink green beer instead.
This is awesome!! So many writers, producers, account executives and clients forget the important element is the listener(consumer).
Not the client beating his chest about how many years he has been in business…etc…etc.
Love the spot idea and the 10 sec edit. Very good. Folks don’t be too picky on the realty or jewelry word. Different people say it differently.
I ought to know.. I live in Alabama where we butcher the english language every day !
Great stuff as usual Dan. Like you, I hate the words “Inventory” or “Merchandise” or “Item”. (Love how those folk say Jule-er-ry…kinda like “Ath-a-lete”) At least they didn’t say valenTIMES…lol
Call me old fashioned. As a guy who has a major florist and several restaurants as clients, I always have to steer my “julery” clients away from slamming the other traditional gift clients. I think the sample ad almost avoids this my saying I “tried” taking her to a restaurant. This is better than saying “Dont take her to a restaurant” or “Dont buy her the same old flowers and candy.” A couple of ways to avoid the slam on current clients is to pick a category you dont have on the air or suggest a really male-oriented gift like: I got her tickets to see the new Mega-Death 5,000 movie..or I offered to take her fishing.
FYI…we dont have to wait to steal this ad….it will work perfectly for Mother’s Day. Reverse the genders and use it for Father’s Day. Have the voices as little kids and use it for Easter with them shouting that they want Candy not books. Get creative and use it for Secretary’s…er uh Administrative Assistants Day. (Ever notice how your station’s traffic manager, business manager and any other female in a supporting role suddenly dont mind being called a “Secretary” for one week in April.) Oops…shouldn’t have gone there…lol. Thanks Dan for making us think!
I agree with ALL your comments Dan. This idea is versatile and can be re-worked for Christmas or Anniversary gift! I can see the idea working well in retail categories for MEN as well. Example:
\ What to get Dad for Fathers Day. Frustrated male voice suggesting get an electronic gadget, a tool, a TV, etc.
I’m using it for at least 1 client (not a jewelry store) that I can think of right now!
Actually, being English, it is Julery 🙂
Anyways Dan: nice…… I’ve passed your comments to our sales team. I am sick of phone numbers in ads!!!!!!! Oh and those immortal words “serving you with quality and pride” Hmmmmm thanks for continuing to make us think about our product!
The costume was helpful. It gave credibility to all that came after its introduction. Or not.
The information in your video needs to be tatooed on the quick-typing fingers of most salespeople and copy writers.
Relay benefits, answer needs, turn listeners into customers.
Like the part about thinking. We should try it more. Gary, just don’t call the other gift ideas lame. Like the ones that say lame tie for dad.
I also like the idea of shorter spots. Clients must know that listeners tune out over the long spot break.
THE BEST PART IS VIDEO FOR RADIO.
@Matt: Sorry you’re having trouble viewing the video. I’m guessing you’re using Windows, which does its best to keep people from doing what they want to do online.
Your security settings are preventing you from accessing the streaming flash video. If you have a techie friend take a look at your settings, probably it can be adjusted pretty easily.
Excellent Dan. Several years ago my number one client bought ten-second time tones at the top of every hour. It was a jeweler. They were 10 seconds.
He renewed for five years. Roger’s Jewelers became the top-of-mind awareness winner in just a few weeks.
I absolutely love the blog, the site, the video, the commercial, your
suggested improvementrs, the costume, the works.
Really good.
We hired a stage actor here who once told me comedy comes in 3’s. Almost the same explanation you gave regarding the 3 “tries” of Valentine’s gifts rather than 2. This is info we can use in daily prep of a show, producing a spot, making a presentation, emceeing an event. Perfect setup for anything really.
My version of the spot, and this could be overkill, but here it goes anyway.
“You tried taking her out to a restaurant, (FVO Jewlery, get her some Jewelry), You tried chocolates (FVO Jewelry, get her some Jewelry), you even brought home a Chiweenie (FVO Jewelry, get her some Jewelry). Big Sale at XYZ Jewellers at View and Blanchard”.
DOD – you hammered the fence post!
Well done. Loved your version of the spot! Brilliant!
Cool idea! I’ll be storing that concept away. No need to wait for Valentine’s Day, though. Somebody has a birthday, anniversary or other occasion every single day.
One criticism: I would think hard about shopping with a jeweler that can’t pronounce the word \jewelry.\ I don’t buy \jewlery.\
Boy, you don’t have to go nukular over the julery thing! People pronounce it 3 ways every day (joolree, jooleree, joowelree), and I like common every day pronunciation in my clients commercials.
I love the detailed breakdown Dan gives- it reminds us to examine every single word for improvement (i.e. inventory). The rule of threes knowledge is worth its weight in gold. The real work in writing a novel is in the editing and re-editing, and it’s even more important for 30-second commercials. The great payoff is that even if flawed, a good spot will stand out among the boatload of crap out there today!
Jewelry is also spelled ‘jewellry’ alot! “The Canadian Jewellers Association (CJA) has announced its endorsement of Jewelers Mutual Insurance Co.’s Personal Jewelry Insurance program” Let’s start spelling it Joolz and Joolree, a nice compromise…now about the proper way to pronounce iron…..
Learned a Lot. Loved your detailed Outline.Great Teaching Moment
Thanks
Happy St Patties Day
Rick (Jolly) Green
I’ll get back to reading the rest of the comments in a moment … like the changes (and yes, I was waiting for #3) … I think one more tweak could be included … ‘oh, and for you … save 50% at … just a thot for the spot
If this was mentioned in anyone else’s comment … consider this ‘amen’ or ‘i second it’ or ‘that’s what she said’ … HSPD!
The word is Jew’-el-ry. (Jewelry) Real’-tor. (Realtor) New’-clee-er (Nuclear)
We are in the business of using the the English language. It’s the words we choose, and how we choose them. Perhaps radio could be the last bastion of pronunciation. (I was in a band called Last Bastion of Pronunciation. We were a tribute to Bad English).
Good ideas as always, Dan. Loved the :10 version.
Loved the 10 second version, but agree that a lead-in with a Valentine’s Day reference might be nice. Of course, if the spots ahead of it all were about Valentine’s Day, there’s your context.
If we’re going to get all “English-y” about pronunciations… how about the Death of -Ly on the radio? And no, not Bruce Lee, but phrases like “Drive Safe” drive me nuts! “Drive Safe-ly” anyone?
But I digress… sorry! (I must’ve been distracted by the hat!)
Love these kinds of blog posts Dan. Being able to hear the spot… have you go through the reconstruction and hear the alternate version is very helpful.
Bet if you randomly selected 20 people and engaged them in conversation that at least 17 of them pronounce “jewelery” exactly as in the spot, not like an Ivy League grad student.
In comedy the rule of three is closely followed as well … once you go past three it becomes the rule of seven …
Great breakdown and revision. Make is memorable for the right reasons.
As for language, radio is where most people hear words pronounced correctly. If we fail to set the standards, where else can they hear it correctly? Language is our greatest tool. We must keep our tools in good order.
love the 10sec spots.
i’ve gone as low as 5secs – although the station i wanted to run the campaign on said i couldn’t buy 5sec spots. Why not?
because they’d never done it before. anyhow, i got my way, a very successful campaign (made up of 30 & 5’s) and happy client.
copy? – “Credit Union Forestland. New name. That’s it!”
Your spot revision makes a potentionally good spot much better. The female read was indeed the highlight and I agree could open the spot. Again you have proven that 10 seconds is all you need to solve a listeners problem (which as you taught me an effective spot needs to do) The line about 3’s is so on the money!!
As always Dan you continue to try to raise the IQ level (\try\ being the operative word) of those of us who work in this crazy industry. I once got in trouble with a PD who was listening to my show shortly after a daylong seminar you did for our station. He actually said he regretted the decision to have you do the seminar because I was following your advice (which made a lot of sense to me) instead of his. Mine was the only daypart to win that book. Keep on doing what you do, because a lot of us might be doing something else if it wasn’t for your advice…besides I don’t think \ hat model\ would have been a good career choice for you.