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MONDAY RADIO COMMERCIAL SMACKDOWN: DR. SCHOLL’S AND THE MAN FROM PWAEI

orthotics radio advertising

First, the radio commercial:

“Hi, how can I help you?”

Okay, they’ve already repelled the audience with that 100% fake “How can I help you?”

I keep saying this, but some people ain’t hearing it:

Your opening line is the commercial for your commercial. It’s your one chance to attract the attention of your target audience.

“Hi, how can I help you?” doesn’t attract anyone’s attention. It’s a complete waste of commercial time.

Granted, it’s tough to identify their targeted listener through this thicket of audio weeds, but they’re trying to attract the attention of people who need “orthotics.”

Of course, they don’t bother to tell us what “orthotics” means. After all, many of the people who work for Dr. Scholl’s probably know the word…even though the woman providing the voiceover probably doesn’t.

Advertising Solves Problems. No one awakened this morning with thinking, “Darn it! I’ve got to solve my orthotics problem!”

But lots of people want to get rid of problems that Dr. Scholl’s might be able to help with: Foot pain; arch pain; back pain; bunions; heel pain; knee pain, etc.

“What is that COOL looking machine in the pharmacy?”

Please identify the universe in which an adult would get so excited about the “cool looking machine” that’s pictured above.

“Wow! How does it work??”

Oh, I get it. He’s President of PWAEI — People Who Are Easily Impressed. Wait until he sees the electric can openers on Aisle 4.

“This amazing foot mapping technology…”

This woman works in, one surmises, a large supermarket. (Because Mr. Easily Impressed says “in the pharmacy,” they must be speaking somewhere close to but not inside the pharmacy.)

What would her answer REALLY be? “Oh, it’s a machine that you stand on and it tells you tells you what’s wrong with your feet.”

“Go ahead, give it a try.”

WAIT A MINUTE! This conversation is not taking place inside the pharmacy. How is he giving it a try?

Not only were they magically transported to the machine; apparently Mr. Golly Gee Whiz entered the store sans shoes. She tells him to give it a try and wham! he’s already standing on the thing in his stocking feet and it’s given him the readout.

And now…His feet are smiling.

You’re expecting me to ridicule that. But this poor guy is suffering from a chemical imbalance and desperately needs to get back on his meds.

Meanwhile…

If they can show us  in a 15-second TV commercial the kind of problem Dr. Scholl’s can solve, why can’t they do that in a 30-second radio spot?

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  • scott snailham March 29, 2010, 8:22 am

    “Please identify the universe in which an adult would get so excited about the “cool looking machine” that’s pictured above.”

    (1) anywhere you find geeks and a science fiction convention or one of the two mentioned.

    (2) when you’re paid money to pile on the phony enthusiasm to hock this crap.

    to me, this is almost a parody…lotsa cliche’s. As noted already, no one really talks like this. It’s unfortunately all too common when you have “average joe” conversation in commericals. It’s usually is far from average.