This commercial begins promisingly…
…by opening a possible dialogue with the listener:
“When it comes to cancer, should all women be the same?”
But with their second line it becomes obvious they’re not interested in a conversation with the targeted listener. The hospital just wants to brag:
“At City of Hope, we’re experts….”
Can you believe a hospital that begins by talking about women and cancer actually says:
“We offer a variety of treatment options…”
…and then smoothly segues to:
“Uterine and cervical cancers are highly curable if caught early.”
That’s right, let’s speak as passively as possible. Don’t want to risk capturing anyone’s attention.
“And our surgeons have had excellent results using robotic surgery.”
“Excellent results”?? What does that mean? Only 1 out of 3 patients dies?
Advertising Solves Problems.
Clue: Not one woman awakened this morning and thought, “If only I could find a robot to perform surgery on me…”
“It’s minimally invasive.”
Look, Ma — That brochure is talking to me!
“Minimally invasive” — Does that mean it doesn’t require major surgery? Only small incisions?
Why don’t you say so?
Yes, “minimally invasive” is a common term among surgeons and other medical folks. But if you’re not in the medical profession, when’s the last time you said the words, “minimally invasive”?
Back to the bragging:
“We’re pioneering a two-part treatment…”
(Yawn)
“Starting with surgery…”
Someone please make him stop.
“Followed by a 7-syllable word you’ve never heard of and can’t define or pronounce.”
But as long as the announcer pretends to know what he’s talking about….
“Few hospitals offer this potentially life saving treatment.”
In other words:
A successful radio commercial has a single Core Message: the one thing you want the targeted listener to hear, to understand and to remember.
Good luck figuring out City of Hope’s Core Message.
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So typical of a medical spot. Getting “Meddies” to use normal-speak is like pulling teeth. I had a campaign running for a hospital featuring real people telling real stories. The new marketing director came in, killed the campaign and ran a series of faux newsy medical minutes including one about strokes that discussed the importance of the “…prompt administration of the thrombolitics…” Sad.
they left out “operators are standing by” call toll free….
Good Critique, Dan.
I could see this as a draft but nothing more. Corporately, it would probably shock many if they ever found out how many people looked over this spot before a final draft was rendered. Could this be “in house” writing? I can see egos marveling over how this could SOUND. But the mortal sin was committed when the voice over talent was commissioned to “sell” something that wasn’t written to SELL.
Dan, are you the Dan O’ Day who published air checks from major market stations around the country similiar to American AIRCHEX in the mid 70’s?