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I TRIED TO SMUGGLE THE WRONG DRUG OUT OF COLOMBIA: O’Day’s Travel Woes #45

May, 1995 (continued): Despite the amount of traveling I do, I never run into people I know in airports…at least, not in the U.S. But while browsing among the gift shop stalls in the airport at Bogotá, Colombia (where I was awaiting my flight back to Los Angeles and where I purchased the deteriorating leather wallet I still insist on using), a voice behind me said, “Hello, Dan!”

I turned to see the smiling face of Radio Express’ Barbara Rounds. (She, too, lives in L.A., but I’ve never bumped into her there.)

Here is the security process I went through upon entering the Bogotá airport that morning:

1. Before I was allowed to enter the airport from the sidewalk, I had to be frisked by a soldier. (I believe that’s the first time I’d ever been frisked.)

2. Before I was allowed to approach the ticket counter, all of my belongings were scanned by an x-ray machine.

3. After checking in at the ticket counter, I went through Immigration.

4. After Immigration, before I could reach my gate my carry-on luggage was x-rayed (again).

radio advertising graphic

Extra Strength Excedrin

5. Before I was allowed to enter the jetway to board the plane, I stood in a fairly long line to have my carry-on luggage opened and the contents examined by a police officer. My bottle of Extra-Strength Excedrin aroused his suspicion, and an intense conference with two of his colleagues followed.

One of them gave me a long, hard stare — obviously with the intent of intimidating me. I, however, am too stupid to be intimidated, so I simply returned his glare.

6. After passing this inspection, I handed my boarding pass to a gate agent, who waved me on toward the jetway.

7. Just a few feet inside the jetway was a female police officer, who frisked me (again!). This was not an altogether unpleasant experience.

Next Week: A quickie French lesson on an international flight.

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