“I’m glad we got to the Hollywood Bowl in time to catch the sunset.” — A typical example of “telling” instead of “showing.” When they are at the Hollywood Bowl, real people rarely find it necessary to remind themselves that they are at the Hollywood Bowl.
The SFX don’t sound like the Hollywood Bowl. They sound like generic homina homina crowd noises. Every sound in a radio commercial will generate a visual image in the listener’s mind. Some listeners will picture a party, others an amusement park….But this doesn’t paint the specific picture of the Hollywood Bowl.
What is this guy’s intent? Why is he babbling on about sunsets? Is he trying to impress the woman? Is he attempting to share his passion for sunsets? No way of telling from his delivery. He’s not having a conversation; he’s performing a monologue.
For the first 30 seconds it sounds as though they’re trying to sell the Hollywood Bowl experience — a bland, “nice place to come when the sun is setting” pitch. That half of the spot ends with what the writer apparently thinks is a joke — that the guy lives on Sunset (Boulevard). That’s funny?
But suddenly, the Beach Boys begin to sing. Unfortunately, some female immediately begins talking over them, forcing us to choose: Do we listen to “Wouldn’t It Be Nice” or do we attend to this woman’s babbling about experiencing our perfect sunset?
HERE COMES THE CLUE TRAIN: When you talk over the vocals of a huge hit song, no one listens to your words. (Guess what? The Beach Boys won’t be appearing there. If you listen closely enough, you discover they’re trying to promote an appearance by Brian Wilson.)
“Beach Boys co-founder Brian Wilson” — no human being who would be interested in seeing Brian Wilson perform would use those words to describe him. “Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys,” maybe. Or just “Brian Wilson.” Presumably under similar circumstances they would refer to “Former Beatles bass player, Paul McCartney.”
But wait. It’s not about sunsets or the Hollywood Bowl or Brian Wilson or the Beach Boys; it’s about the “end of summer,” complete with fireworks.
“Hey, you wanna go see Brian Wilson at the Hollywood Bowl?”
“No, I can’t stand him or his music.”
“But they’ll have fireworks.”
“Oh, in that case…Sure!”‘
No, no, It’s not about sunsets or the Bowl or Brian Wilson or the Beach Boys or the end of summer or fireworks; it’s about THE SOUND OF MUSIC — for which apparently we’re supposed to dress in costume, participate in a parade, and then sing along.
Hey, we’re approaching 60 seconds! Let’s see if we can end with a ridiculous declaration. I’ve got it: “The Hollywood Bowl: Part of your life.”
For the many listeners who don’t consider the Hollywood Bowl part of their lives, this advertiser made an untrue statement.
What do you call an advertiser who tells the truth 99% of the time? A liar.
What do you call this radio commercial? A meaningless mess.
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Dan, who do you use for your audio hosting? I do a local radio advertising blog in Atlanta and would like to do a few audio pieces on the blog. I really like how you have the “Monday Radio Commercial Smackdown” on your site.
Thanks, Mike Copeland, 104.7 the Fish (Atlanta, GA)
I host my own audio, using a very inexpensive application (that I happen to sell) called AudioRazor.
You’ll see it at http://www.danoday.com/razor.
To use AudioRazor, you need:
1. An mp3 file
2. A website — any website — to which you can upload the mp3 file.
If you have your own personal website (or access to a website), you can upload the audio files there and use AudioRazor to stream from your blog (or from your website).
You might want to check out the active demo at http://www.danoday.com/razor.
If you can work the demo, you can work the actual application. No technical skills are required. (My audio engineers will confirm that I have very limited technical skills.)